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Original poster

Do you ever feel you "want your mum"?

219 replies

ClassicStripe · 23/10/2023 09:46

I'm not sure how to explain it but sometimes when I'm not feeling great, physically or mentally, I get almost like a primal urge to see my mum. And sometimes I feel like it's not my mum how she is now but from when I was a child. Someone to make things better probably.
When I said this to DH he looked at me like I was bonkers.

OP posts:
WhiskersPete · 23/10/2023 10:09

No. Whilst I do love her and appreciate her, she has never been very emotionally supportive. The last few times I've really needed someone, she has projected her anxiety onto me and just made me feel ten times worse than I did already.

Now I just don't feel l ever need her...that sounds awful doesn't it!?

ButterflyDream · 23/10/2023 10:10

I sometimes feel like I want a mum. I want to be loved and looked after, even though I’m 50.

Mine was abusive and I’m envious of people who have loving mums. I’d like to have the mum my daughter has really :)

ladyvimes · 23/10/2023 10:10

Yes. My mum and I are very close and sometimes I just want a hug. As a child my mum was my safe person and being with her I knew she would look after me and everything would be ok and sometimes I still need that feeling even though I’m an adult!

Trickytimer · 23/10/2023 10:11

I do yes, and she was my biggest champion ever and I miss that very much.

Sweetest person I ever knew, I try to be like her as a mum❤️

Worldgonecrazy · 23/10/2023 10:12

It’s so sad to read the stories of those who didn’t have a good relationship with their mum.

I was blessed with an awesome mum. I miss her all the time and especially when I’m feeling ill. she was a nurse, as well as being taught lots of home remedies by her grandmother and mother, and would always help me feel better. I have a cardigan she knitted for me when I was a teenager and I wear it when I’m poorly as a substitute hug.

BertieBotts · 23/10/2023 10:13

I don't Sad and I think that I should because my mum was so wonderful and supportive when I was growing up so I feel like it should be there? But I don't get it. In fact I rarely have that feeling at all, but when I do have it I tend to look to DH or a friend for comfort instead.

Maybe it's because I've moved abroad so I know she's not really accessible - but then I think people have this feeling even when their mum has died, don't they? I suppose that's not the same thing as having made the choice yourself.

It might be because my mum is quite vulnerable and I tend to feel that I need to look after her not the other way around. Or maybe I'm just weird 😬

LardoBurrows · 23/10/2023 10:15

Yes, when I'm having a bad or difficult day I'll I wish my Mum was here so I could chat to her, or if I'm not feeling well I miss her checking up on me. I also feel like this about my Dad though. I was lucky enough to have parents who made me and my siblings feel safe and loved and I miss having that feeling of safety and unconditional love in my life. I think it's natural to sometimes want to feel that again when one is going through difficult times, to be a child again and have someone else take care of you for a while.

Spinet · 23/10/2023 10:15

Yes I know the feeling you mean but it isn't really a yearning for my mum as she was at any age, mush as I love her. She was more of the speak as I find type. Without wishing to sound dismissive I find drinking a big glass of water helps.

TripleDaisySummer · 23/10/2023 10:16

Yes - I think it's comfort being searched for - sometimes I'm glad I rang and seem to get what I need other times not so much and it worse than not speaking to her.

It's a very odd experience - uni DD1- to have been other side recently and I'm not sure I got it right as it seemed so nebulas what she seemed to want and very quickly gets fed up with me and it's between frankly calls with a hostile tone towards me.

I do think it's often an ideal Mum being sought not the actual person in question the role not the individual.

DH never seems to have this need - though when unsure runs things past me or FIL and upset it's me he talks to - but MIL was never an Mumsy mum had had other things to do till he got to an interesting age - she doesn't want to know about problems even FIL often can't talk though his worries with her.

EmmaEmerald · 23/10/2023 10:16

Bertie "It might be because my mum is quite vulnerable and I tend to feel that I need to look after her not the other way around. "

it's probably this. I'm the same. I now have a friend who is more mummy like.

I say I feel like I want my mum but not the actual one I have.

it's complicated isn't it. I want "a" mum now I guess.

jolaylasofia · 23/10/2023 10:18

i want my mom- but my mom without her bipolar

JessicaFletcherMSW · 23/10/2023 10:18

I have this when I’m ill even though my Mum was section when I was a young child. whilst she is lovely and we have the best relationship possible in the circumstances, I have never been able to lean on her.

vibecheck · 23/10/2023 10:19

I feel like that but with my Dad. He died when I was just entering adulthood and we had the best relationship, and I do sometimes wish I had my Dad in moments of crisis, as he was the only person who could ever tell me things would be okay and I believed him. It’s extra hard because my husband doesn’t have his father in his life for different but equally sad reasons, so occasionally we do joke about “needing a dad” at times of crisis.

Loubelle70 · 23/10/2023 10:20

EmpressSoleil · 23/10/2023 09:56

I'm also somewhat jealous of those that are close to their mums. My mum is very selfish and toxic, always has been. But I suppose at least it means I won't feel any loss when she's gone.

Same here. Its sad really...no comfort when ill when i was a kid. She was toxic too. I wont miss her when shes not here. Probably why im

However my DD and DGS are poorly atm and she said she misses being poorly as a kid..being off school and watching tv that was too young for her 🤣..she said she remembers having 'blankie' and pillow whilst ill on sofa and me always making her soup 🤣🤣. She also said she needs tucking in.... now lol..all tongue in cheek but she misses being over looked after. I still look after her and kids if ill oc xx

spiderlight · 23/10/2023 10:20

All the time. She's been gone nearly 18 years and I'm 51 but I still want her - she always knew how to make things better.

Disturbia81 · 23/10/2023 10:22

No I never think this and I had a good childhood

MarthaDoodle · 23/10/2023 10:28

Never. I feel lost in some ways that I don't have the sense of being nurtured.

I see her regularly, I host Christmas etc but I can't imagine shedding a tear when she's gone. She's an obligation, but has caused me a lot of grief over the years.

I can only say this on an online forum, anonymously, but I'll be free when she's gone.

Feellikeafailurenow · 23/10/2023 10:29

All the time. Mine died 15 years ago so before i had children & i still miss her everyday. Have had many cries about “wanting my mum” particularly after a miscarriage or tough newborn days with sleep deprivation

Funkyslippers · 23/10/2023 10:34

My mum died 31 years ago and I obviously miss her every day, even though I was more of a daddy's girl. He was the more gentle, caring parent. But my 2 DDS often need their mum like when DD1, who lives 200 miles away, wanted me to go to a medical appointment with her. I was so pleased that she wanted her mum there and she'll often ring me for advice

saveforthat · 23/10/2023 10:35

Peepshowcreepshow · 23/10/2023 09:54

Yes, a lot. She died many years ago and I still miss her every single day.

Same

Original poster
ClassicStripe · 23/10/2023 10:41

I've heard this before. I remember reading about feeling homesick at home and people on that thread said to drink water.

sorry managed to lose the quote

OP posts:
EnjoythemoneyJane · 23/10/2023 10:41

Often, yes. Just the peace and comfort of being able to sit and hold her hand, or wishing I could snuggle under a blanket and watch a movie with her on a rainy Sunday - that feeling of being quiet and cosy with your mum.

I can feel it now with DD. No matter how challenging things get between us (she’s frigging exhausting atm & pushing a lot of boundaries), I know when she’s really low she craves the comfort of just cuddling up and feeling little again - she comes to me because it’s her safe space.

I feel so very sad and sorry for all those people (my DH included) who will never understand what that feels like because of distant or dysfunctional relationships with their own mothers.

My mum died 3 years ago and there’s not been a day I haven’t missed her.

rainbowstardrops · 23/10/2023 10:42

I think if my mum every single day and I'd love for her to come back. She died when my children were 5 and 9 weeks and I'd have loved to have had her here for advice and our chats and laughs

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 23/10/2023 10:46

Another one here with an emotionally unavailable mother. I can't think of any time in my life when I had a problem that I thought of turning to her, or now that she's dead that I wish she was here to help me out - because she never really did.

I'm very envious of the people who are so close to their mother and have such warm loving relationships with them.

Missingthegore · 23/10/2023 10:46

Mine died when I was a teenager.
I had an absolute meltdown on day in 2021 when I was stressed to the eyeballs with the pandemic and working on a COVID ward. I just wanted a hug. I'm 38!