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Original poster

Do you ever feel you "want your mum"?

219 replies

ClassicStripe · 23/10/2023 09:46

I'm not sure how to explain it but sometimes when I'm not feeling great, physically or mentally, I get almost like a primal urge to see my mum. And sometimes I feel like it's not my mum how she is now but from when I was a child. Someone to make things better probably.
When I said this to DH he looked at me like I was bonkers.

OP posts:
muddyford · 23/10/2023 12:42

I know that feeling.

HamBone · 23/10/2023 12:43

Yes, every now and then. She died over 20 years ago though. I’d give a lot to have five minutes with her. ❤️

speakout · 23/10/2023 12:44

SusieSussex · Today 11:25

No, never. My mum bullied me senseless as a kid and I feel no bond with her. I do have an imaginary mum in my head I'd like to have had instead.

I feel the same. I do sometimes wonder what it must feel like to have been raised by a supportive mother.

GoldenKiwi · 23/10/2023 12:44

SleepingStandingUp · 23/10/2023 09:52

I grew up in a "broken" home so not so much, but I get you and I think it suggests that your mom was a really safe place for you when you were younger. That's a good thing. I know several of my friends who'd feel like this and have wonderful relationships with their Mom. I'm jealous

Definitely this.

I've never had this feeling at all, about either of my parents.

My mum is a good mum now and very supportive but what happened in my childhood has stuck.

Peanutbutterismyjam · 23/10/2023 12:47

In theory. My mum was very emotionally immature/unavailable when I was growing up and often felt like there was a role reversal between us. She's good in practical terms (like if I need her to look after DC occasionally) but support, not so much. I've been so much over the last few years and dealt with mostly on my own (aside from DH) as I've learned to do. I do get feelings of "I want my mum" but more of "I want a mum who was/is able to be there for me as support when I need it" but I know it's pointless, even now. All I can do is channel that in being the best mother I can possibly be for my children so they never have to go through things alone.

Mum2aTeen · 23/10/2023 12:52

Yes, quite often sometimes when I'm really stressed out/emotional. If I call her, it all fizzles out just hearing her voice she doesn't even have to say comforting things. Just hearing her or seeing her just puts me at ease.
We've always been very close, so I feel very lucky about that same with my dad.

countvoncount · 23/10/2023 12:55

Oh wow yes!!
I lost my mum very suddenly 13 years ago
I'd love one more cup of tea, just one more, we still have so much to talk about!
If there's a tricky quiz question on telly, or I need to get a stain out I immediately think "my mum would know that"
I get really teary when my now grown up kids achieve things, like graduating university, passing driving tests, she would be over the moon!
I chat to her in my head every night in bed, picture her sat with a cuppa really comfy and I'm just like "hi mum"

Maddy70 · 23/10/2023 12:58

No never! My mum was always a "good " mum bit I never felt i could off load on her

That's what my friends are for

BitOutOfPractice · 23/10/2023 13:00

I’m 56 and yes, totally understand op. I know (and I’m really glad) that my 20s DDs feel the same.

hope you’re ok OP

Jubbley · 23/10/2023 13:02

No. I love my Mum to bits and really enjoy spending time with her but I've never felt like this.
I am always quite intrigued by the very close relationship some people have with their parents. I feel like I must be cold but the intensity of it would make me feel claustrophobic.

Strokethefurrywall · 23/10/2023 13:07

I get this whenever I'm unwell. As soon as I get a fever I revert back to a weepy kid and want my mum.

PlinkyPlonk176 · 23/10/2023 13:14

Yes, I feel like that now and again, but I yearn for the mum that my mum was when I was very young. She’s still alive but I lost that version of her to her mental health issues sadly, back in my early teens. We don’t have much of a relationship now and I could never rely on her for anything.

Loubelle70 · 23/10/2023 13:16

On a positive, although i had awful childhood mother and father...my paternal DGD and DGM were the best grandparents in the world.. they gave us stability, if it wasn't for them, for certain, i wouldn't be the person i am today. I know id be on drugs or worse. I owe them a lot. I miss them so much but so thankful. My DGD adored me, i needed that...i had never anyone..I still cry when i think about him or when i feel sorry for myself 😁. He died in 1980.

MalibuBetty · 23/10/2023 13:17

I've never felt this., I'm not very close to my mum but I think it must be common. There's a poem that sums it up really well I think - Rock Me to Sleep Mother by Elizabeth Akers Allen. Alison Steadman has a beautiful reading of it

hwaclanhdead · 23/10/2023 13:22

My Mam died nearly a decade ago.
I still have that want my mam feeling.
Perhaps not as often as I used to as I have become accustomed to her loss and her not being here. I've just had to get on with it basically.
But anytime I'm feeling the least bit under the weather or there's been any other significant emotional issues then yes, unbearable feeling of wanting her. I was in hospital a couple of months ago for a minor procedure and I wanted nothing more than my Mam to be there and hold my hand.

Ffsnotaconference · 23/10/2023 13:30

Yeah. More so since she died.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 23/10/2023 14:37

I am always quite intrigued by the very close relationship some people have with their parents. I feel like I must be cold but the intensity of it would make me feel claustrophobic.

Me too!

DilemmaDelilah · 23/10/2023 15:05

My mum died 7 years ago and I still think of her a lot. I have had some particularly difficult times this year and I have really wanted to be able to tell her and to have a hug. Yes - I really want my mum.

GuitarGeorge · 23/10/2023 16:27

No, never felt this, even as a child. My mother is not a nice person.

I’m very envious of those who do have such feelings about their mothers, or have been lucky enough to have had that at some point.

mrssunshinexxx · 23/10/2023 18:13

Yes , all the time, lost her in 2020. Now I'm raising young children and I literally ache for her, never thought I'd be doing life without her this young

muchalover · 23/10/2023 18:16

EmpressSoleil · 23/10/2023 09:56

I'm also somewhat jealous of those that are close to their mums. My mum is very selfish and toxic, always has been. But I suppose at least it means I won't feel any loss when she's gone.

What I felt overwhelming when my mum died was the loss of opportunity for our relationship to ever be different. I know it wouldn't ever have been but now I know it never can be.

I miss a mum but not mine.

EsmeeMerlin · 23/10/2023 18:17

Not not really, but then my mum was neglectful and did not do enough to protect me from her abusive husband. I do get on with my mum, i have actually spent today with her and had a nice day but I spent most of my childhood feeling more cared for by my grandparents. I lived with my nan on and off and she got custody of me when I was a teenager so my nan is very much my person I go to for support.

A couple of weeks ago I think we struggling with anxiety and depression and just feeling overwhelmed and so I cried on the phone to my nan and asked to come home for the weekend. I went home and was very much cared for by my nan. I dread the day she is no longer here.

Toddlerteaplease · 23/10/2023 18:20

I get on really well with my mum. But do t think I've ever felt like that!

LindorDoubleChoc · 23/10/2023 18:22

I think I stopped feeling like that when I was in my early 20s when I had it confirmed what I'd suspected for a while ... that she was an alcoholic. She did eventually stop drinking but I had painful drunken conversations with her every now and then for at least 20 years. So I didn't trust her and our relationship never recovered.

Toddlerteaplease · 23/10/2023 18:22

My mum
Never rings me for a chat, it's always me who phones them. That makes me really sad though.