Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Do you ever feel you "want your mum"?

219 replies

ClassicStripe · 23/10/2023 09:46

I'm not sure how to explain it but sometimes when I'm not feeling great, physically or mentally, I get almost like a primal urge to see my mum. And sometimes I feel like it's not my mum how she is now but from when I was a child. Someone to make things better probably.
When I said this to DH he looked at me like I was bonkers.

OP posts:
imnotthatkindofmum · 23/10/2023 18:23

ClassicStripe · 23/10/2023 09:46

I'm not sure how to explain it but sometimes when I'm not feeling great, physically or mentally, I get almost like a primal urge to see my mum. And sometimes I feel like it's not my mum how she is now but from when I was a child. Someone to make things better probably.
When I said this to DH he looked at me like I was bonkers.

Totally get it. And definitely not my mum now, she's nothing like she used to be. I actually find her highly irritating now. I miss my mum even though she's still very much part of my life. I miss who she was when I was growing up.

DanaBarrett · 23/10/2023 18:27

I’ve not RTFT. But I wanted to say I know exactly how you feel. For me, my mum is still alive and very much part of my life but sometimes I just want to “go home”. My childhood homes are long gone. I’ve lived in this house for twenty years, but when something (usually bad) happens, I have this primal urge to “go home”.
I don’t know where this “home” is but I want to go. Weirdly, my ASD daughter has recently started expressing the same sentiment. She’s only ever lived here.

ffsrainagain · 23/10/2023 18:32

I lost my mum five years ago. We have a lot of similarities in that I have children that she never knew as I never knew my grandmother and yes, I sit and cry that she isn't here when I'm going through a tough time. I don't know that it will ever get better

ssd · 23/10/2023 18:42

Its funny, when my mum died the only place i wanted to be was her living room where she died. I looked after her and was called by the police when she died. The days after when her body had been taken away i just went over to sit in her flat in sheltered housing, it was the only place i got any peace. Everything outside that room was chaos and heartbreak but in her home i felt safe. I cleared her house out alone within a few weeks of her death as the council needed it back and it was the hardest thing i ever did. I have siblings but it didn't matter to them, they were busy.

AffIt · 23/10/2023 18:42

No.

My mum was, and continues to be a 'good enough' mother - I actually had a perfectly nice childhood and have some lovely memories - but we've never been close. Don't get me wrong, she can be a lot of fun, but I guess we're just very different personalities.

I presume I will be sad when she dies, but that's about it.

I do miss my grandfather, who died when I was in my mid-20s, enormously and wish he was still here and that I could show him or tell him things.

user1471538283 · 23/10/2023 18:44

When I was younger I wanted my mum to care. When I'm overwhelmed or sick I don't want her I want my DF because he was the one who cared about me.

I think my DS feels comforted and wants me when it's too much or he is unwell. But that's because I do care about him.

milkydress · 23/10/2023 18:45

Sending you all lots of love ❤️

4catsaremylife · 23/10/2023 18:47

MagpiePi · 23/10/2023 09:57

Yeah.
My mum died nearly 20 years ago, I’m in my mid 50s and it makes me weep sometimes with how much I want to see her.

I'm in my 60s and feel like this sometimes too Magpie

CrapBucket · 23/10/2023 18:48

I was 3 when my mum died, I don’t properly remember her. But yes I get the same primal feeling. By all accounts she was very nurturing and I think she poured herself into her children. So I’m lucky I had that start in life. But also sad to be missing out on such a wonderful mum. And it’s difficult being a mum sometimes when I didn’t have one for long.

Milarky · 23/10/2023 18:52

Thank you PP for the Rock me to Sleep poem.

Perfect.

BitOutOfPractice · 23/10/2023 19:02

Goodness this thread has made me cry several times today. I know it’s not the fine thing but I want to hug every last one of you

PrancerandDancer · 23/10/2023 19:02

Mine is not the most reliable but I don't often think this of my mother in law who is the loveliest lady. I had an injury and was in hospital last year and was relieved to have my MIL with me. She's the best.

27Mankinis · 23/10/2023 19:06

No not at all. My mother was an alcoholic and violent and abusive and I moved continents to get away from her as soon as i could.

She was ill a few years ago and out of obligation I flew around the world to spend time with her and my dad said; 'Sometimes a girl just needs her mum' and it made me feel physically sick because I truly did it out of obligation not desire and i disliked the sickly concept of it.

Lentilweaver · 23/10/2023 19:16

All the time. She lives in another country, so I don't see her often. But we speak every day. When she goes, I will be devastated.

Woollyjumpersandtomatosoupweather · 23/10/2023 19:26

I recently lost my 90 yo mum after a long illness. I was closer emotionally to my DF but looked after DM for the last 5 years. I am bereft at losing her, and feel lost. Hugely miss her warmth and humour. Losing her has also unearthed the buried grief of losing DF.

My elderly uncle has dementia and frequently asks me where his mum is when I visit. I think he's scared and just wants the warmth and reassurance he thinks his mum can give.

HappyMe6 · 23/10/2023 19:29

Yes. Yes, yes, my mum died 20 years ago and we were very close I’ve never stopped missing her

Duckingella · 23/10/2023 19:33

No;she's a terrible mother and I learned right from my teenage years she can't be relied upon.

The "mum" I yearn for is my late MIL;I wish she was still here;I'd happily swap my own mother for her.

Gwenhwyfar · 23/10/2023 19:38

Not my mum, but some kind of fairy godmother person, yes.
It's well known that people of all ages can cry out for their mother when in pain or whatever.

jays · 23/10/2023 19:58

Yes. My mum died towards the end of covid. She wasn’t old and we weren’t allowed to see her. It was sudden. She was a far from perfect mum, who is, but she loved me with all her heart and every day, I just want my mum. She was the only person who could have got me through coping with her dying. The only person I wanted when my mum died, was my mum. I wish I could just get a hug and talk all the stuff we used to talk. She loved me no matter what and I don’t have that anymore. I honestly can’t believe how great the loss is. I really loved her, even when she drove me crazy.

jays · 23/10/2023 20:01

27Mankinis · 23/10/2023 19:06

No not at all. My mother was an alcoholic and violent and abusive and I moved continents to get away from her as soon as i could.

She was ill a few years ago and out of obligation I flew around the world to spend time with her and my dad said; 'Sometimes a girl just needs her mum' and it made me feel physically sick because I truly did it out of obligation not desire and i disliked the sickly concept of it.

I feel, word for word what you’re said…but about my dad. You articulated it so well that I just had to say. Yes, I feel sick at it too. You put that so perfectly.

Butteredtoast55 · 23/10/2023 20:08

Definitely feel this way. Sometimes the longing to see her and just sit and put the world to rights over a pot of tea at the kitchen table is a sharp physical ache.
I've been blessed with a long and happy marriage and loving DC but I'm not sure anyone has ever really made me feel as cared for and unconditionally loved as my mum.

Catwoman1985 · 23/10/2023 20:12

yes but an idealised version of her

mrsanflowerpot · 23/10/2023 20:27

My mum passed away 20 years ago when I was 19, but throughout my early parent days (years) and often now when things are rough, I want my mum. I also feel so much for her as I get closer to her age. She was 43 when she died and I can't imagine leaving my DCs, all feels so odd

itsmakingmesosad · 23/10/2023 20:39

Yes. Right now, but my mam passed away recently and it's very raw. I want her right now. I'd give anything to have her back.

pennyfest · 23/10/2023 20:40

Yes. Sometimes if I'm feeling unwell I'll want my Mum. If I have a sickness bug I crave lucozade because that's what she used to give me as a child.

I also get the urge to see my Grandmother. There's something so comforting about sitting at her kitchen table with a coffee putting the world to rights.