Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Do you ever feel you "want your mum"?

219 replies

ClassicStripe · 23/10/2023 09:46

I'm not sure how to explain it but sometimes when I'm not feeling great, physically or mentally, I get almost like a primal urge to see my mum. And sometimes I feel like it's not my mum how she is now but from when I was a child. Someone to make things better probably.
When I said this to DH he looked at me like I was bonkers.

OP posts:
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 23/10/2023 11:22

No, and I almost envy anyone who feels like that. I did love my mother (who died 8 years ago) but I didn’t have the best relationship with her, and beyond early childhood couldn’t really confide in her about any worries or unhappiness.

She would have denied it to her dying breath, but she always favoured Dbro (the only boy out of 4 of us) and to me it was always very obvious. Hardly his fault, though - as adults we’ve always got on very well.
I feel disloyal even writing this - I know she’d be upset if she knew.

SylvieLaufeydottir · 23/10/2023 11:22

No. Never. Not as a child and not as an adult.

My mother had issues with anxiety and I felt like emotionally I parented her, not the other way around. She was also never sympathetic and caring when I was ill. My safe place was to be alone. I want DH when I'm sad or vulnerable much more than I ever wanted her.

Loubelle70 · 23/10/2023 11:22

D3LAN3Y · 23/10/2023 10:51

I get this. I was told I needed brain surgery last year and I spoke to her on the phone as she was getting on the plane coming back from holiday, I told her I was scared and she said she would be here as soon as I woke up. When I woke up in the HDU and she was there, I burst into tears with relief and knew I was going to be ok because she was there.
Sometimes when I see her I feel like everything is going to be alright. She's my rock.

As a mum i hope my DD remembers that i was always there for her. Shes always been in hospital through her life, child and adult. I nearly lost her 3x , im lucky she's still here and i never take her for granted, nor do i take my grandkids for granted. We lost a DGC to sids and i probably am over protective of them all. Xxx

CharlotteBog · 23/10/2023 11:24

I get this very infrequently. My Mum died nearly 14 years ago. We had a good relationship; not especially close like phoning every day or anything and family dynamics put a strain on it sometimes.
But there were periods of great closeness and a shared understanding in some areas. Now and again something crops up that I think I would only want to share with my Mum. That makes me a bit sad, but it's the way of the world.

SusieSussex · 23/10/2023 11:25

No, never. My mum bullied me senseless as a kid and I feel no bond with her. I do have an imaginary mum in my head I'd like to have had instead.

mandydandy · 23/10/2023 11:26

Always. I have even found myself standing in a queue to buy something she would like for Christmas when she died over a decade ago.
If there is any big news. Always the first person I think to tell is my mum. So when I'm on my own I just say it out loud and tell her.
I'm aware I sound crazy but I like to think she hears me.

CharlotteBog · 23/10/2023 11:26

My Mum was the first person other than my H to see her first grandchild. That is a shared moment that brings me such warmth. We connected as mother and daughter as we had never done before.

Biasquia · 23/10/2023 11:27

I’ve never felt that but I really hope my kids do.

Milarky · 23/10/2023 11:27

MagpiePi · 23/10/2023 09:57

Yeah.
My mum died nearly 20 years ago, I’m in my mid 50s and it makes me weep sometimes with how much I want to see her.

Same!

Miss her every day. I was 26 when she died so she's been a dead mum longer than she was a living mum. My I still miss her so much.

Especially when I'm really sad or extremely proud of my kids and want to share it with her.

MissingMoominMamma · 23/10/2023 11:28

Yes. She died 5 years ago, but even before that there were times when I just wanted a sleepover at my parents’ house and some time with them.

Loubelle70 · 23/10/2023 11:28

SusieSussex · 23/10/2023 11:25

No, never. My mum bullied me senseless as a kid and I feel no bond with her. I do have an imaginary mum in my head I'd like to have had instead.

This

Roselilly36 · 23/10/2023 11:30

I really, really miss my lovely late MIL, the first person I would turn too, if upset. Not a day passes without me thinking about her.

HippeePrincess · 23/10/2023 11:31

No, but I do for my grandmother, and a bit less intensely for my dad.

IDoNotMoisturise · 23/10/2023 11:34

nope, never had a relationship really

the only person I ever want like that is my DH, he is the only one who has ever been there for me and loved me

GigiAnnna · 23/10/2023 11:35

No, not since I was a child. I think because I had all my kids in my 20s that may be something to do with it because I see myself as " Mum" and have done for many years. But also because she could be aggressive and cold towards me, I've learned never to rely on anyone for emotional support.

Puffypuffin · 23/10/2023 11:36

All the time. And my dad. They both died 13 years ago.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 23/10/2023 11:38

Me too.

I’ve got Long Covid. I want my mum. Dh is good but gets a bit fed up of me ( understandably)

l just want her soothing words.

pinkspeakers · 23/10/2023 11:41

I wouldn't say it is a particularly strong feeling for me. But when my grandfather died, my grandmother (in her 80s) was very distressed cried that she wanted her mum.

slavetothekittens · 23/10/2023 11:41

Want her all the time. Even though she died several years ago, I still talk out loud to her and if I'm stuck with anything I still say "help me, mum" Miss her so much.

ForfarBridie · 23/10/2023 11:44

I’m 65 and lost my mum when I was 40 and she was 58.

I still miss her and always will.

with lots of love to everyone missing their mum. ❤️

ImNotReallySpartacus · 23/10/2023 11:47

No, never, but she wasn't much use even when she was alive.

ssd · 23/10/2023 11:48

I totally get it op. 100%

wandawaves · 23/10/2023 12:35

No, never.
She never protected me as a child when bad things were happening to me on a daily basis, so there is absolutely zero chance I'd ever get that "I want my mum" feeling now if I'm having a hard time.

I do sometimes get envious of others who feel that closeness to their mothers, but mostly, I just don't understand it. Like some of the PP's who got emotional just while typing these responses... I just have no idea what that feels like.

Deathraystare · 23/10/2023 12:40

I do miss her but also Dad and my Aunt. Dad for conversation, Mum for general chit chat and recipe info.

ChickpeaPie · 23/10/2023 12:41

No, I’ve never felt this. Nothing wrong with my mum, we chat frequently but I wouldn’t miss her if we didn’t. That sounds awful, but it’s just a fact.