Do you ever feel you "want your mum"?

[ClassicStripe]

I'm not sure how to explain it but sometimes when I'm not feeling great, physically or mentally, I get almost like a primal urge to see my mum. And sometimes I feel like it's not my mum how she is now but from when I was a child. Someone to make things better probably.
When I said this to DH he looked at me like I was bonkers.

Yeah, I get it. Sometimes, happy memories from my childhood will enter my mind & soothe me when I’m feeling low. My mum being in the kitchen while we (me & my sister) are sitting at the kitchen table. Her singing while doing the dishes. Her walking us to school. Or just knowing she was at home when we were out playing. It’s nice to have that feeling available. I get on great with my mum now, she’s a great support to me.

I grew up in a "broken" home so not so much, but I get you and I think it suggests that your mom was a really safe place for you when you were younger. That's a good thing. I know several of my friends who'd feel like this and have wonderful relationships with their Mom. I'm jealous

I feel this also! I’m 46 and my dm passed away when I was 4 years old. Whenever I’m sick I always cry for my mum. I don’t have many memories of her, so I’m assuming it’s a primal thing also.

Yes, a lot. She died many years ago and I still miss her every single day.

Yes…sometimes I long to speak to
my mum again. She was a very funny, loving mum who loved us so much. She been dead for many years now and I miss just laughing with her, having a cuppa and a blether. She was the best.

I'm also somewhat jealous of those that are close to their mums. My mum is very selfish and toxic, always has been. But I suppose at least it means I won't feel any loss when she's gone.

I know what you mean - sometimes a hug, or some harsh truths if you need to hear them, from your mum is just what you need. I rarely ever feel like that now though. Not sure why.

Yeah.
My mum died nearly 20 years ago, I’m in my mid 50s and it makes me weep sometimes with how much I want to see her.

I was struggling to get dressed the other day and listening to Billy Connolly on a podcast. He said ' my wife dresses me in the morning. It's like being 5 years old'. Brought a tear to my eye, both for him and for me. I want my mum more often as I age. I know exactly what you mean. She's long departed but I think we all crave the security of 'mum' when we're feeling a bit fragile.

Absolutely. My dm is a complete mumsy mum. If I’m ill, she’ll phone to make sure I’m ok, if she happens to be here she’ll take care of me like I’m young again, bring me drinks, do things around the house. She’s a little legend ⭐️.

Yes. My mother died seven years ago, the feeling never goes away.

I still have my mum but no, I've never felt like this.

My mum died in April, and I have these moments often. Things I want to ask her that I'll never get an answer to, when I've heard some music she'd like it I've read a really good book. We were very similar in a lot of ways, me and mum, and I'm the one out of all the siblings who looks most like her. I talk to her photo instead.

No. Mine was perfectly lovely, and cared for me very much. She dedicated her whole life to looking after her children. Despite that, I never felt that all-encompassing warmth that other people describe. I think that may be more to do with me than with her.

I have never thought “I want my mum” as an adult. I can’t really remember thinking it as a child either.

Yes. My mum died 11 years ago and I miss her so much it hurts sometimes. It's that feeling of being nurtured and cared for in a way that no-one can do.

Same MagpiePi . Especially as I have my own dds who are in their teens, long to talk to her.

Yes, totally

we are going through a rough patch atm and as she's nearing 85, I wonder if it's the universe's way of ensuring we are less fond of each other when she goes!

Not really. My mum was mostly emotionally unavailable when I was growing up.

Yes. Though it’s an idealised version of a mum - my mum’s been great in her way and raised me well but she’s now older and quite negative and not the sort of person to help out much. But I understand that primal feeling, when I’m really low I can get that repeated thought if “I just want my mum.” Though nowadays I think part of it is that I want A mum, someone who will come along and pet me and tell me I don’t have to adult for a while. I want something that’s not going to happen at 44 with two kids. I think the primalness of it is slightly grief, that I’m now the adult and have to deal with everything and manage the emotions of my entire family and I’m not allowed to just sit there any hope someone else sorts it all out anymore.

I know what you mean OP.

I actually have thought, for a long time, that sometimes even in senior adulthood we still need a bit of parenting from time to time. Someone to take the load off us and help us get issues sorted out.

I still have a very elderly mum who is reasonably well but I can’t turn to her at her great age now because she’s in her own little bubble and can’t do anything to help.
However, when I was younger she was a parent I could turn to for practical help and advice and she was capable of parenting me back then.

I miss that Mum connection we had and somehow a dear husband or partner is not quite the same.

Yes definitely! I spend all my time looking after others. Sometimes I want to revert to childhood when my mum looked after me so well.

TheHorneSection "Though nowadays I think part of it is that I want A mum, someone who will come along and pet me and tell me I don’t have to adult for a while."

yes! Plus a person who actually does the adulting for me.

Not one bit, and that's the sad thing.

When I was 23 and left my physically abusive husband (whom she never liked anyway), she came to visit me in my one dingy room, shared bathroom and kitchen accommodation I managed to rent from work, and the first words out of her mouth were "who's the other guy?". There was never any other guy!

She was living in a three bedroom flat by herself and never offered me a place to stay.

THEN, to top it off, she became his best friend for a while!!!! She loves to move in on people when they are upset and he was very upset. Floods of tears and carrying on about how I'd just walked out and left a note (I did this because I was so afraid of his rages).

I didn't appear to be falling apart, but that's because I did it in private. I learned as a child never to let my mother see me suffer, as I believe she enjoys it.

I expressly asked her not to reveal my address to my violent ex and she did.

So no, my mother doesn't even register when life falls apart for me. Not at all.

I am happy for those who have that kind of backing and love in their lives, I really am. Must feel great.

When I had just given birth I craved a mum.
I needed warmth, reassurance and security.
Unfortunately, my mum was alive but emotionally unavailable. We have never been close. For the first time in my life I cried for that loss.
I decided to make sure I was always that person for my children.

100%, I dread the day anything happens to her. Has always been there and could not be without her support. I feel very blessed to have that kind of a mum, I know not all do, and particularly as my mum's relationship with her mother is practically non existent (with good reason) and so she didn't always have the modelling of how a mother should be but has gone against that in her own parenting. Not saying there is never any challenges but overall things are good.