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Original poster

To track DH or not?

46 replies

Maskingyourfeelings · 28/03/2023 11:08

Basically I believe DH may be cheating, there’s a few things he’s done recently, not enough individually to shout affair but but collectively they look that way. The most recent is lying about a hotel he’s booked. He’s attending an event for his hobby, was back and forward about driving home that night or staying in a hotel because he has work the next morning and the event finishes late so he’d rather just get up early to drive to work. So he asked me where he believed was best to stay, I told him a place, he found a hotel, I left him too it.. so a few hours later, an email popped up on his iPad stating he’s booked a hotel, except not in the place we found together, somewhere totally different, a place near food places he’s been, I’d found receipts in his pocket that he put in the wash. Except there’s no reason for him to even be there…
so I asked him if he confirmed the hotel we had found together, he was like yeah, all booked…
I’ve just ordered a Apple tag which I plan to drop in his car before he goes, dd has car sickness so we keep sick bags in the back all the time, he will p never suspect anything…
im just scared I’m gonna see something I don’t want to or he’s totally innocent and I’m panicking and causing myself paranoia for no reason…
anyone had or done something similar?
just wanna get some advice before I go private investigator on his ass 🥺

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 28/03/2023 11:13

You could go all out and just talk to him?

Nattertatter03 · 28/03/2023 11:14

Honestly don’t do it, essentially you are stalking him.
If you’re going to this level your relationship is over , you’ve no trust for him.

Original poster
Maskingyourfeelings · 28/03/2023 11:31

I just feel like if I talk to him he may lie straight to my face again, and I’ll be sitting there really wondering, i want to have concrete evidence for if & when I confront him, so he can’t deny it. On second thoughts it does come across a bit stalkerish. He doesn’t suspect I know anything. He doesn’t know I found the receipt, he doesn’t know I saw the same address on his Google maps when together we were looking how long it would take to get from our caravan to his parents house. It’s eating away at me and I, not sure what to do.

OP posts:

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Relationship problems
Frosty1000 · 28/03/2023 11:35

I get you're suspicious but please don't track, or stalk as this may come back to bite you.

Just ask him??

Menopants · 28/03/2023 11:37

If he has an iPhone he will be alerted that there is a tag in the car

Original poster
Maskingyourfeelings · 28/03/2023 11:39

Menopants · 28/03/2023 11:37

If he has an iPhone he will be alerted that there is a tag in the car

Thanks for this, that would have been bad…
guess I’ll just have to find evidence elsewhere

OP posts:
pncr · 28/03/2023 11:39

Your relationship is over regardless.

HealthyFats · 28/03/2023 11:42

Yes, he'll get a message saying he is travelling with an AirTag. The AirTag also sounds an alert when it starts to move. It's a non-starter.

Just talk to him.

Original poster
Maskingyourfeelings · 28/03/2023 11:42

Think I might try to get on his phone and just share his location via find my phone,… I have to be super fast though because he rarely leaves it unattended only to go to the toilet. In the evening when he thinks I’m asleep….

OP posts:
Holidayneededplease · 28/03/2023 11:45

Yeh he’ll definitely be alerted if I drive my other hands car he has one on his keys and my phone pops up an alert that an air tag has been following me

alwaysmovingforwards · 28/03/2023 11:45

Just be an adult and talk.

If there's no trust, spilt up.

Shoxfordian · 28/03/2023 11:45

Don’t start stalking him; break up with him - you clearly don’t trust him

Trollsinmyeggbox · 28/03/2023 11:45

Maskingyourfeelings · 28/03/2023 11:42

Think I might try to get on his phone and just share his location via find my phone,… I have to be super fast though because he rarely leaves it unattended only to go to the toilet. In the evening when he thinks I’m asleep….

What are you doing. You're going to send yourself loopy. If you believe he'll lie to you which is why you won't talk to him, your relationship is over. If you're dead set on stalking him, your relationship is over.

Your relationship is over.

Original poster
Maskingyourfeelings · 28/03/2023 11:48

i have high anxiety, which is not helpful… we’ve been together 20 years, I’ve never suspected him before… I guess I need to man up talk to him…

OP posts:
TrainersAltonTowersWontKill · 28/03/2023 11:57

Nah, he'll just lie. All these women on MN who think they can tell when their husband is lying. Bollocks. Trust your instincts.

The AirTag is a no go but since you know the hotel he's booked you could turn up there and see for yourself who he's sharing a cosy breakfast with.

TomatoFrog · 28/03/2023 12:01

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Original poster
Maskingyourfeelings · 28/03/2023 12:03

TrainersAltonTowersWontKill · 28/03/2023 11:57

Nah, he'll just lie. All these women on MN who think they can tell when their husband is lying. Bollocks. Trust your instincts.

The AirTag is a no go but since you know the hotel he's booked you could turn up there and see for yourself who he's sharing a cosy breakfast with.

That did cross my mind but I did this with my last boyfriend, it almost broke me… I don’t drive, it’s at least 2 hours away so not easy to just turn up. I need to have a think about it… see what’s best.. I’ve had no reason to suspect him in 20 years and I’ve been cheated on before so that’s where the insecurities come from…

OP posts:
Whiskers4 · 28/03/2023 12:03

Was the hotel in a totally different place to the event? If not, I just wonder if he'd found another hotel he liked the look of more (especially if it's near eateries).

Do you have access to his bank or credit card statements? If so, I'd be tempted to take a look at them. As mentioned above, I was wondering if you were able to turn up as a surprise, either to a meal or accommodation he's booked in the future.

What other things has he done?

TrainersAltonTowersWontKill · 28/03/2023 12:05

Your update sounds like it may not be as clear cut actually. You're talking about a boyfriend from several decades ago?

How far is this hotel from the one you suggested?

Hbh17 · 28/03/2023 12:06

Not. This is an awful thing to do to anyone, and just as dishonest as an affair. You need to have a proper conversation with him.

Purplepluhs292 · 28/03/2023 12:11

I'd phone the hotel he's staying at, just to verbally confirm the booking then I'd ask him when he gets back how the stay was in the hotel you found together. That will tell you if he's flat out lying, you then have to take it from there.

TrainersAltonTowersWontKill · 28/03/2023 12:12

"Just as dishonest as an affair"

Rubbish

Pringleface · 28/03/2023 12:13

Don’t do it. Tracking someone’s whereabouts without their knowledge or consent is completely unacceptable. If you think he’s up to something then you need to speak to him about it.

Original poster
Maskingyourfeelings · 28/03/2023 12:14

TrainersAltonTowersWontKill · 28/03/2023 12:05

Your update sounds like it may not be as clear cut actually. You're talking about a boyfriend from several decades ago?

How far is this hotel from the one you suggested?

before DH I was with someone for 3 years, we were in what you’d call the honeymoon period, we didn’t live together, he’d call me about 5/6 times a day. One day nothing, I messaged him and called for 2 days, just went to voicemail. On the second evening about 2am a friend text me and said she didn’t know I was staying at “hotel name”, I asked he what she was was talking about, she said she’d just gone past that hotel in a taxi and say my then boyfriends motorbike parked in hotel car park, she knew it was his because she knew him and knew the registration. I couldn’t sleep and at 7am I hopped on a bus to hotel and waited in the lobby, he came out of the lift holding hands an hour later with another woman.
this post is about DH now, I’ve never suspected him in 20 years we’ve been together, had no reason to, the lying about the hotel, the receipt, the map to a place he should have been no where near because he should have been at work and his work is in 40 miles the opposite direction.

OP posts:
randomuser2020 · 28/03/2023 12:20

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