To track DH or not?

[Maskingyourfeelings]

Basically I believe DH may be cheating, there’s a few things he’s done recently, not enough individually to shout affair but but collectively they look that way. The most recent is lying about a hotel he’s booked. He’s attending an event for his hobby, was back and forward about driving home that night or staying in a hotel because he has work the next morning and the event finishes late so he’d rather just get up early to drive to work. So he asked me where he believed was best to stay, I told him a place, he found a hotel, I left him too it.. so a few hours later, an email popped up on his iPad stating he’s booked a hotel, except not in the place we found together, somewhere totally different, a place near food places he’s been, I’d found receipts in his pocket that he put in the wash. Except there’s no reason for him to even be there…
so I asked him if he confirmed the hotel we had found together, he was like yeah, all booked…
I’ve just ordered a Apple tag which I plan to drop in his car before he goes, dd has car sickness so we keep sick bags in the back all the time, he will p never suspect anything…
im just scared I’m gonna see something I don’t want to or he’s totally innocent and I’m panicking and causing myself paranoia for no reason…
anyone had or done something similar?
just wanna get some advice before I go private investigator on his ass 🥺

About an hour and a half, I’m never gonna know which one he went to in terms of him arriving home as he is going straight to work, unless he leaves his iPad behind, maybe I could sneak onto his iPad and have a look…
i have cancelled the airtag though.

I don't think OP is being unreasonable to want to get her evidence first before confronting her DH. If she just asks him he'll only lie and be more careful in future of covering his tracks. I don't know much about tracking devices.
OP needs concrete evidence before confronting him and she may as well get her evidence now while he thinks she hasn't a clue.
People flippantly saying "your marriage is already over if there's no trust, just leave him..... " etc etc seem to think it's so simple. OP is married, she may have children with her husband, a joint mortgage, we don't know her financial situation etc etc

I'm sorry but 20 years with this guy yet your still hung up on a short ex relationship before that after 20 YEARS really??? Clearly you have very very very unresolved issues regarding that relationship but then bring them onto your current man after all this time. Anyway regardless of what he may or may not be doing you sound odd yourself the way your going on and need to grow up to be frank

I’m not hung up on my ex, but that kind of heartbreak lives with you… all I said is back then it broke me so I know how I will feel if it happens again.. perhaps you should get off your high horse and read the post properly 🤷🏼‍♂️

Just phone the hotel, once he's there' and ask to speak to him or pass a message on. You'll find out if he's there or not.

Don't do it-
Legal experts agree that it is legal to install a vehicle tracking system in a car as long as you own it, and you can use it to track members of your family with their permission.
Most experts say using a GPS system to secretly track a family member is illegal, and your ‘subject’ would be within their rights to have you arrested for breach of the peace at the very least, as discovering that they’re being spied on could cause them distress and fear.

Maybe just say you're confused because you saw a something pop up on the laptop that he's booked X hotel and not Y hotel as he said. It will drive you mad nor knowing where he is.

This. The truth will cone out eventually, but you think he's cheating so relationship over. Unless you're prepared to live with his cheating in which case surely the less you actually know the better?

It's not that easy to 'just split up' especially if you're not actually sure he's done anything.

I'd need proof like the OP.
I reckon going to the hotel is your best bet.

he’s booked a hotel, except not in the place we found together, somewhere totally different, a place near food places he’s been

Perhaps he just fancies finishing his trip with a meal somewhere he used to go.

To be honest OP it does sound like he's cheating. It doesn't make any sense that he'd book a hotel 1.5 hours away from his hobby and then lie to you about the hotel he's booked. Add that to the receipts and the google maps thing and it's hard to come up with any other likely explanation.

I do understand you needing proof, and I also understand you not wanting to just ask him as he'll lie and then get better at covering his tracks.

I'm not sure what the solution is but I'd be feeling the same as you.

Why not tell him what you know and ask for an explanation.

Stop all the cloak and dagger stuff and just ask him outright. You clearly do not trust him.

You can get other non apple trackers easily enough and cheap enough 💁🏻‍♀️ You don't have to use AirTags.

@Maskingyourfeelings what else is going on in your relationship at present?

If this was my DH he would be secretly booking a place near the food places so he could eat the food!

If You ask him he (probably) will lie so no point to that, it might also make him better at covering his tracks.

all these people saying you are in the wrong and relationship is over, etc. have clearly not been there.
instinct is a big thing not to be ignored but difficult to act on solely.

Sorry if I misunderstand but what if you discovered he was at a hotel? Would that be undeniable proof or just a different hotel to the one you discussed?
I understand how devastating turning up last time must have been but at least you got the truth and there was no way of denial. The devastation may have come from the situation itself anyway rather than the way in which you discovered it.

would an affair be a dealbreaker?

please don’t listen to some of these posts depicting you as crazy or unreasonable. You are neither of these things. His behaviour does sound off.

take care and get ready for a bumpy ride x