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Original poster

Cheated on while pregnant- STI worry

54 replies

newbaby23 · 04/01/2023 22:00

Name change (again) as I am so embarrassed.

I am 28 weeks pregnant. My now ex-partner was sleeping with another woman while I was between 12-18 weeks pregnant.

When I found out he admitted the sex with her was unprotected.

I have been to the GUM clinic twice for testing now which has come back clear. They advised me after the initial check to come back every 4-6 weeks just to be sure as some things take longer to show up.

HOWEVER- tonight I am freaking out as something just didn't feel right down there. I've checked with a mirror and can see at least 3 lesions in my vagina on one side. They are quite flat and inflamed looking.

I've immediately thought herpes as I know they don't test for this, but I've googled images Blush and the sores look smaller than mine and with white bits on them.

I'm obviously going to call the GUM clinic first thing tomorrow but I'm freaking out, upset and wondered if anyone had any experience?

OP posts:
Worriere · 04/01/2023 22:42

When i caught herpes, they looked basically like mouth ulcers. Red, round sores. Gum clinic will tell you for certain.

When is the last time you slept with him? Technically a herpes outbreak can occur any time after you catch it, even many years, but mine was within a week of catching it.

Original poster
newbaby23 · 04/01/2023 22:54

Thanks @Worriere

They are red looking, round and flat. They look a bit like an ulcer but they aren't "white" on top.

I found out about 8 weeks ago now. I haven't slept with him since. I went immediately for a check at the clinic and then had another one just before Christmas.

OP posts:
Worriere · 04/01/2023 23:21

Try not to worry, the gum clinic will be able to tell you categorically what it is.

Try to refrain from reading too much on the internet in the meantime.

Hope it all turns out well for you. Sorry your DP was such a dick x

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LipsSoScarlet · 05/01/2023 03:37

I seem to be unlucky and have had various things gynae related but none have been STDs. I’ve had ingrown hairs, thrush (which had caused things that look like cuts) and Bartholin’s cysts and abscesses. While you may have herpes, there are lots of other things that could cause similar symptoms. It’s best to just be honest with your doctor/nurse and get checked out when you can. Hopefully it’s nothing to worry too much about. Take care ❤️

determinedtomakethiswork · 05/01/2023 03:50

What he did was unforgivable. It must've been a terrible shock for you. 💐

Original poster
newbaby23 · 05/01/2023 20:48

Thank you everyone. I have an appointment at the GUM clinic tomorrow.

Hoping it is something else but can't think what. I have had some odd discharge too :(

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 05/01/2023 20:50

You are already booked in which is good. Not sure what you can do between now and tomorrow morning but just sending a hand hold.

What a wanker.

Tamarindtree · 05/01/2023 20:51

Dr Google will bring up all sorts!

Hope all goes well tomorrow and I know it’s difficult but try and get a good nights sleep.

Original poster
newbaby23 · 05/01/2023 20:52

It was a terrible shock @determinedtomakethiswork. I never thought anyone could be so awful and careless towards a pregnant woman and their own child.

I asked him last night if he had any symptoms (we are civil to do with baby), and he messaged back saying "no, never" and "my tests were all clear before I met you"... which was years ago.

When I reminded him he'd been having sex unprotected with other people since then (in a factual not a nasty way as he does have a habit of rewriting history!), he said "I knew you would bring that up, just get checked, I don't have anything".

He's a prize arse.

OP posts:
Worriere · 05/01/2023 22:34

Fingers crossed OP

Spacebears · 05/01/2023 23:01

Hopefully all is okay, could be stress. Does some very strange things to your body.

Hiddenvoice · 05/01/2023 23:04

Hopefully you will be okay, it’s easier said than done but please try put it out of your mind and try relax for tonight.

When I was pregnant I woke up feeling very uncomfortable down there, I checked and had small, very painful lumps. After a phone consultation with a doctor, who told me I had herpes, I got properly checked and it was a combination of thrush and ingrown hairs. Pregnancy does some crazy things to your body, there was a lot of pressure in my lower stomach and down below which made things feel more painful. Hopefully it will all work out okay for you!

Original poster
newbaby23 · 06/01/2023 15:41

So I've been to the appointment, the nurse took one look and asked if I'd had herpes before.

Said it looks like it could be but can't say for sure as they confirm with swabs which will take 10 days.

Not sure whether to tell the ex or not. Either way he will deny.

OP posts:
Namechange828492 · 06/01/2023 15:46

Oh OP how stressful. You could send him a quick heads up although sounds like he won't bother caringto tell the women he's sleeping with now. What a dick.

I suppose at least you know so they can take steps to protect the baby. And medicine is so advanced nowadays you'll hopefully be able to manage it so it's not too intrusive kn your life. X

Original poster
newbaby23 · 06/01/2023 16:11

I've sent him a message and had a horrible response.

OP posts:
Namechange828492 · 06/01/2023 16:39

Oh sorry to hear that. I would block him for now and only engage with him when you get your results. What a horrible man

Iamclearlyamug · 06/01/2023 16:44

What a vile despicable man he is! I'd block him for now and focus on you and your baby. If you're not married I'd definitely give the baby your surname and whatever name YOU like!

Cuppasoupmonster · 06/01/2023 16:47

Please say you’ve dumped him! Sorry you’re going through this stress, you might also want to be tested for syphilis which causes sores 💐

Cleanupinthemonkeyhouse · 06/01/2023 16:50

I had almost exactly the same( ulcer type sores) a few years ago when my then husband had been shagging around behind my back. The doctor thought it was herpes, but it wasnt. Turns out it was a stress/run down thing. Waiting for results is the worst, im so sorry you are going through this OP. I would suggest you block your ex and just concentrate on you and bubba.

cloudychance · 06/01/2023 16:51

Sounds like good riddance to bad rubbish. Block him, wait for the results and try not to stress. I know of many people who had one small flare up and never again x

Original poster
newbaby23 · 06/01/2023 16:57

Yes we split up when I found out.

His message is to the effect of- well I haven't had symptoms so you must have got it off someone else, I'm not even certain the baby is mine etc.

Such a lowlife.

OP posts:
monsteramunch · 06/01/2023 17:13

Fucking hell what an absolute scumbag sending that message on top of everything else he's done. I'm so sorry he's behaving so disgustingly OP but I'm so pleased the relationship is over Flowers

Jusmakingit · 06/01/2023 17:21

Omg what a wanker ! So glad you have dumped his loser arse!

sadly I caught herpes of someone .. apparently you can have it for years without a flare up and when I had my first flare up … Jesus it was very uncomfortable and it’s noted when your preg but luckily the antibiotics they give you can be taken through out pregnancy. I get flares ups when I’m run down or stressed. I always have some back up antibiotics to take which after a couple of days it’s gone. Aslong as it’s managed it’s fine .

I wouldn’t bother even telling him if it comes back you have it. He’s clearly extremely immature , I wouldn’t waste the time to text him cause you will just get a shitty response. Save yourself the argument x

Original poster
newbaby23 · 06/01/2023 17:36

Thanks everyone, it means a lot to have some support.

I knew he would deflect, I hate this word as it's such a cliche but he's definitely a "gaslighter" and regularly rewrites history, says conversations never happened or he didn't say or do certain things.

Funnily enough before I met him I paid privately to have a "full" STD check-up through a private clinic as I'd finished a very prolonged casual relationship. This was clear for HSV1 and HSV2. I still have the paperwork!

OP posts:
WetBandits · 06/01/2023 17:46

Ah OP I’m sorry 😞 did the nurse give you any aciclovir today?

I see and treat people with HSV every day and as well as giving medication, I would always advise rinsing the sores with mild salt water, applying a decent smear of Vaseline and using a jug of warm water to pour over while you’re going for a wee, or weeing in the bath or shower if the ulcers are very painful. Do mention it to your midwife also as often we need to take extra measures with pregnant women to ensure it’s not passed on during delivery.

Sorry you’re having to deal with this shite when you’re meant to be getting excited to have your baby, I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes as smoothly as can be Flowers

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