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Original poster

Too “stoic”

38 replies

LookAtThatCritter · 23/12/2022 00:50

I work remotely and work for an agency that matches me with clients based on experience & personality matches. I do business planning, accounting etc. I started with a new client recently - I’ve had literally ONE 1 hour meeting with her which seemed to go great. However, I’ve seen an email that she sent to the agency and it’s awful. I take bad feedback well BUT it’s so personal that I’ve been really upset by it.

She calls me stoic 3 times. Says she thinks I’m suffering from flatlining (zero facial expression - apparently it’s an actual medical issue). I’m calm, calculated, stoic and efficient to an extreme that makes her uncomfortable. Extremely lowered in my compassion. Those are all things she said. And she got all this from a one hour zoom meeting in which the main purpose was to understand the business, set goals and set me up with the tools to be able to get going.

We smiled, talked, discussed some things about our personal lives as well, it wasn’t just business. I’ve never had negative feedback about how I come across as a person, usually people say I’m friendly, likeable, even funny depending on the day haha. Not sure how I’m going to handle the next video call or if I should request a switch so she can go to someone different!

brb while I pour some wine and watch some cheesy Christmas movies to cheer me up!!

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 23/12/2022 01:00

What a weird response. I'd take 'stoic' to be a compliment, it sounds like she doesn't know what it means. This was a business meeting? Confused

I'm pretty sure it's Her not You.

NoSquirrels · 23/12/2022 01:01

if I should request a switch so she can go to someone different!

Do that.

She sounds odd, and like hard work. It’s agency work - let her be their problem.

ErrolTheDragon · 23/12/2022 01:02

I may be way off base but maybe she wants someone she can push around?

NoSquirrels · 23/12/2022 01:04

efficient to an extreme that makes her uncomfortable

She’s not comfortable with you. You’re not comfortable with that. The agency works on ‘personality matches’.

Honestly, let them find her someone else. Do not waste your emotional or professional energy on this person.

determinedtomakethiswork · 23/12/2022 01:15

I’m calm, calculated, stoic and efficient

In your line of work this is really good.

dontgobaconmyheart · 23/12/2022 01:55

She sounds presumptive and lacking in a gauge of judgement and how to express it objectively or professionally. I completely understand that it isn't nice to read a hyperbolic summation of yourself from someone who saw you over zoom for one hour but the fact that is what it is is almost laughable really, particularly when you know it's a one off and usually receive positive feedback.

I would 100% request a switch and would not engage further if any contact was made. It sounds as though she has differing expectations of what constitutes a professional relationship and has already (in her way) stated that it won't work for her. Let her be someone elses issue going forward and forget about it OP!

echt · 23/12/2022 03:39

What strange feedback, and agree that she probably doesn't know what stoic means, especially as she's used it three times. Her diagnosing of you is beyond rude.

Switch. Who needs someone who off-loads in this way.

RememberNancyDrew · 23/12/2022 03:52

You will never be good enough for her. She's laying the ground work from the get-go for absolutely everything to be your fault. She might be covering up for her own business mistakes, problems or issues if she's already pointing the finger at you when you haven't even started. I've seen this so many times in the workplace. Use that nasty email to get re-assigned!! This will not turn out well. Pity the next soul.

kingtamponthefurred · 23/12/2022 04:37

She sounds weird. Being stoical is a good thing, even if it's not very popular on Mumsnet.

AliciaInWonderland · 23/12/2022 05:45

Why is she trying to diagnose you with conditions?! That's weird. Can't say I've heard of flatlining. I think you've dodged a bullet there!

Beanbagtrap · 23/12/2022 05:51

She's weird, the agency is weird.

ApolloandDaphne · 23/12/2022 06:20

She is the one who sounds odd. Let the agency match her with someone else. She sounds like she might be a nightmare to work for.

autienotnaughty · 23/12/2022 06:51

The thing's she listed are mostly positive yet she she's then as negative?

ElbowsandArses · 23/12/2022 07:00

Can’t please all the people all the time. Don’t take it as meaningful (it’s not) and as pp said, ask agency to find someone else as not a good match (how did you see the feedback and how would they normally handle this? This is on them really and so far not handled well). I am a freelancer and it took me 3 years before realising I shouldn’t take on clients where I do not think we are a great match; and I don’t take it personally when an initial call doesn’t turn into a contract. Some people love working with me some people don’t. It is what it is.

KatherineJaneway · 23/12/2022 07:08

After that feedback, I'd be declining to work with her.

icanwearwhatiwant · 23/12/2022 07:21

I would say to her and to the agency that you don't sound like a match after all and suggest she moves on. How odd to feel so entitled to be personal after one meeting... life's too short to put up with that sort of crap if there's an alternative.

The definition of stoic
/ˈstəʊɪk/

Learn to pronounce

noun
1 1. 
a person who can endure pain or hardship without showing their feelings or complaining.

2 2. 
a member of the ancient philosophical school of Stoicism.

Whatmarbles · 23/12/2022 07:25

How odd and a very strange use of the word stoic.

Cast her loose, life is too short to be around weird people if you don't have to be!

WorrieaboutFIL · 23/12/2022 07:28

Your job sounds like an episode of Black Mirror

Nimbostratus100 · 23/12/2022 07:32

It's her not you x

Coxspurplepippin · 23/12/2022 07:36

You really don't want to continue with this one - it'll be nothing but complaints even if you've done a perfect job. She sounds odd, hard work and likely to be a drama llama. Just hand her back and let somebody else deal with it.

eurochick · 23/12/2022 07:43

That sounds like a really odd agency.

AlisonDonut · 23/12/2022 07:47

Being efficient when I'm paying for a service is a good thing.

I suspect what happened is you didn't pander to her nonsense and she isn't used to someone who gets shit done.

Itchintobestitchin · 23/12/2022 07:48

Cut her loose, she's going to be a pain in the arse.

Mouthfulofquiz · 23/12/2022 07:50

yes to requesting a switch. She’s a bit daft as well with not knowing what ‘stoic’ means so would probably be a bit of a struggle to work with!

Lengokengo · 23/12/2022 07:55

It’s good that you got this feedback now, so that you can justify to the agency that you are not a match.

You would be banging your head against a wall with this one. Agree with a pp that she isnt comfortable working with someone who gets shit done.