What would your PARTNER's "honest" dating profile include

[MrsTerryPratchett]

It occurred to me reading the other thread that we need to know what exists out there. My DH's would be:

Still gaming as an adult, likes beer, terrible flatulence (see: beer). However; very hot and cleans.

Not sure what's wrong with gaming and beer tbh

Doesn’t know himself, watches terrible tv shows - mostly about gold mining, falls asleep on the sofa every night, can’t handle confrontation.
Sexy, funny and has lovely forearms

Snores like a walrus and could win awards for sleeping

Needs 12 hours sleep to function. Likes; collecting hobbies, using every dish when cooking and saying "I'll do that in a minute." Dislikes; washing dishes, putting clothes away and staying awake later than 10pm.
Very good snuggles, supportive to the ends of the earth and absolute hype woman with a juicy bum.

I see we are with the same man!

@Ohahjustalittlebit
Poor us

World record for loudest snoring. Hobbies include winning tug or war with the duvet, fifa and any sport.

Has more wind that a hot air balloon. But also sweet, sensitive, caring and supportive.

Can be a right miserable git sometimes.
Live in my dressing gown when I'm home.
Will tidy up after you the second you put something down.
Excellent hygiene and teeth.
Fucking delightful oral skills. It's a hobby.

Somewhat grumpy. Snores. Extremely gorgeous, loves Lord of the Rings and building furniture, very very good in bed.

I see that snoring is the 'hobby' no one on MN will name.

Overly tidy snorer with a love of scowling.

Very handsome yoga teacher who will tell you a sob story on the first date about being emotionally abused and bullied as a child and “how his ex is a psycho”.

Underneath all that fake mantle of Buddhism, empathy, spirituality and good looks lies an angry and misogynistic narcissistic with serious control issues. Great in bed, likes to cook but not the sharpest tool in the shed. Beware: Comes with a restraining order from “psycho ex”.

(Side note: I’m not the “psycho ex but just broke up with him. Phew!)

Gorgeous, kind, a great dad, fit and successful at any venture he tries. Dreadfully uptight at airports and impossible to distract when at social occasions.

Kindest man on earth (official). Not known for his many charity works because he doesn’t want to show off, but should do, because he is lovely.
Excellent at cleaning (perhaps excessively so). Apt to throw things away that you actually wanted unless you make it very clear first.
Visually imposing, teddy bear inside.
Thoughtful, moderate and patient, except in traffic.
Likes biscuits.

STBXH’s:

So long as it’s all about me,

Diagnosed NPD.

STBX : Grumpy, boring .Enjoys sitting on his arse.
No hobbies . Or friends .
Would like to meet somebody who could ignore his smells , snores and laziness. And provide him with a home. And just leave him in peace . With meals. What a catch Ladies .

Genuinely able to turn his hand to anything DIY so he's cost effective
Bloody amazing at packing a car to go on holiday .
However will give you advice on topics he also knows nothing about. Grrr
Likes to moan about his job.
Getting a bit Victor Meldrew-like as he ages...
BUT kind, always ready to help anyone, and a great Dad. He once drove 600 miles in 24 hours when DD1 was upset and wanted DD2 to be with her... at Universities 300 miles from each other!
Farts. A . Lot.

My most recent ex:

Tall, dark and fairly handsome. Keeps fit by playing football.
Good cook and keeps himself and the house neat and clean.
Can play the guitar.
Extraordinarily long-winded - never uses 10 words when 100 would do.
Can start an argument in an empty room.
Enjoys a good pub brawl.
Was once described by the police as “an unsavoury character”.

Was once described by the police as “an unsavoury character”.

I know it's your life. But I'm sorry, that made me snort.

Just spotted this. Reminds me of Mean Girls, "she doesn't even go here". Beer and gaming is not typically supported on MN. Particularly the latter.

Annoyingly knowledgable in a range of subjects, somewhat pedantic and can argue for England.
Romantically- ahem - a completely dark horse, it’s the unassuming quiet ones you need to watch
Great forearms too…

Slim silver fox with own teeth.Random music tastes. Likes to wear band t shirts . Fuelled by coffee and red wine. Cannot cook to save his life but is a demon clothes washer and ironer. Will be happy to wipe your arse if you are incapacitated and prepared to love you until the end of time. Doesn’t sit down to rest - will be constantly fixing or making things. Possible ADHD /ASD. Filter malfunctions regularly…….

Mama always comes first. I am a pro at lying and cheating and not bothering with my kids. I have a wash once a week at best.

Farts very loudly, possible ADHD, loves to wear my fluffy slipper socks on a cold night, is a bit sensitive and enjoys secretly watching A Place in the Sun.