Flashing

[reportit]

Wayne Couzens is said to have flashed / exposed himself to women a few times
In the lead up to his murder of Sarah Everard.

It got me thinking...

How many of us have been victims of so called flashing? Did you report it? What happened?

It happened to me twice. Once as a child (13-14?) on the beach with friends.

Second time aged 18. It was reported and i went to court. He was convicted for indecent exposure with intent to assault.

Tbf there was a woman that stripped naked near where I live and was lying over peoples cars and blocking traffic, standing in the middle of the road in front of buses etc

My mum was flashed at work and reported it and nothing was done as he was the supervisors boyfriend.

Flashed at twice as a treat.
Groped at a gig
A man grabbed my breast in order to start a fight with my boyfriend at the time.
A doctor made me strip to the waist when I went in with a sinus infection.

It’s hideous what women have to endure.

As a teen! Certainly wasn’t a treat!

A couple of times as a teen. I never told anyone.

Someone exposed themselves to me several times in a Supermarket when I was about 13. I never told anyone because I thought I shouldn't have been looking.🙄

It came up in conversation a few years ago, that was the first time my Mum had heard about it and she was horrified I hasn't told her.

Yes, aged 20 at 8pm walking home in the summer down a well lit street of houses. He was a young seemingly 'normal' man walking ahead of me, I looked down at my phone and when I next looked up he was gone. Then I saw him next to me in the shadows of a house's driveway smiling and masturbating. I'll never forget it, I just ran and it was the most terrified of a stranger that I've ever felt. I heard from someone else later that a similar thing had happened to her in the same area so it seems likely he was a repeat offender. Never reported it though - at the time it didn't feel bad enough to escalate to the police. I would now I think.

Yes, it happened to me and my daughter when she was thirteen.
I reported it to the police but I didn’t press charges because the police told me they knew who it was but would have to give him my name and address.

I grew up in London and I was flashed about 8 times during my teens. I never once reported it.

As an adult I was flashed once in broad daylight in a station car parlk. I am ashamed to say that I did not report it.

Haven't RTFT but I was flashed when I was about 4 - and again when I was about 14. My mum reported the incident when I was 4 - I didn't report the later incident.

Yes, flashed at a couple of times in late teens & early 20’s, (late 80’s/early90’s). Didn’t report as wasn’t considered serious/worth reporting in those days as unlikely to go anywhere (not to dissimilar to these days it seems!).
I absolutely would report now even though I don’t feel the police bother particularly! It’s low level to them and unless caught on camera or in the act then nothing happens other than its “noted”.
Currently it has been reported on my local nextdoor app of a flasher/masturbater in the local playing fields late afternoon and early evening. I’m just outraged that yet again I have to be careful and aware when walking the dog and also tell my DD’s yet again to be aware and be careful and to stay away from that area even though I’m aware it can happen in any area … just fucked of with it all!

The last time it happened to me I had just got off the late night bus and was rushing towards our building as there were some dodgy looking blokes hanging around on the corner.

I must have been a disappointment as I didn't even notice that he was flashing me until one of the 'dodgy blokes' shouted "How would you like it if someone did that to your mother?" He then ran off down the street.

Twice in the space of six months, when I was 19/20 and living in Australia. Both at bus stops waiting for a bus. One was a shifty looking bloke in a trench coat type thing, who said "hey!!" when the bus pulled up and I was about to get on it. When I turned round, he had his cock out. I was embarrassed and just got on the bus. People must've seen what had happened but nobody said anything. I didn't report it. It didn't even occur to me that I could. The next incident was worse in a way because the bloke looked nice and normal. He was dressed in running gear and he sat down next to me in the bus shelter. I had headphones on and wasn't really looking at him, but I noticed after a couple of minutes that he'd pulled his shorts down a bit and was wanking. I just remember being so pissed off that I was now going to have to miss my bus because of him. I stalked off, absolutely furious. Didn't report it though.

@MadameMonk

It’s one of those things that really separates the sexes, isn’t it? I mean the very idea of a woman exposing her vulva to strangers in public and getting a thrill out of it? Ludicrous. Or maybe I’ve lived a sheltered life?

Obviously it must happen, but I bet it would be seen as a proper mental health issue and not just an annoying nuisance (or as somehow funny?) by society.

Men exposing themselves was common enough in my teen years that I remember groups of girls talking about what was the best thing to say to the man when it happened to you. My favourite was ‘Ooooo look, it’s like a willy only smaller!’

A bit risky, thinking back now.

I have wondered about this too.

I think attitudes actually start from childhood. When boys play with their willies as toddlers / children we laugh about it. Boys will be boys! Blah blah. People don’t laugh so much if it’s a girl playing with her vulva or touching herself. For some inexplicable reason society finds a penis funny in a way a vulva isn’t. People draw willies all over the place- you’re much more likely to see a lewd drawing of an erect penis on the side of a bus shelter or wherever than a vulva.

I think the whole culture needs a wobble.

Seeing people’s genitals is not funny. We should be teaching children it’s fine to touch yourself but in private and it’s not funny to do it in public, ever.

I think the amount of women who never reported their experiences here (and I don’t blame anyone for that at all by the way, just feel sad about it) shows what a long way we have to go with this.

Re reporting it - it was the first experience that my friend and I reported to the police and they went to look for him. However when we got back to my friends house her Mum made us feel like it was an over-reaction. She said we should have shouted something about how small it was. I didn't think it was funny at all. But that definitely put me off reporting it. I don't think I even told my Mum in most cases. I was flashed at on the local Heath, my local park, on the bus, the tube, Paris metro, the National Gallery, a subway.....

However when I was a teenager two male friends of mine said they'd had a similar sort of experience when they were 11 - a man telling them they could see an interesting bird nest in the bushes and then got his bits out. So it's not just girls and women who get flashed at. Though majoritively I think it is.

My experience of it made me fearful. Just as the many experiences I had of being followed, touched up or stared at did too. It's just not okay for women to live with this harassment and fear.

Reading about this reminded me of a woman who used to get undressed at night, lights on, facing the window of the main road.
I used to walk towards her house on the way to my Grans most night and the first time I saw her I thought she was just quickly getting changed. It quickly became apparent over time she was doing this on purpose and getting off on it. It was odd and I didn’t report it to anyone, I was about 15 at the time and probably just chuckled to myself thinking it was a bit sad.

With the benefit of age and wisdom I realise her doing that was no different to a man flashing and I probably should have said something.

Yes I was 15. Reported it. Also told our head teacher as the guy had been having a wank in his van outside the primary school next door.
Letters went round all the schools to make them aware.
TBF to the police, we hadn't got his reg, but we didn't want to turn around to get it in case he went after us (no camera phones then)

I'm tentatively hopeful that it doesn't seem to be quite as common as it used to be? I grew up in the 90s and my DM talked about it being fairly common before then - she and all her friends had a flashing story (awful). But amongst my age group I haven't really heard about it so much. Plenty of other shit - being beeped at, shouted at, boxed in on empty public transport, sexts from professional contacts. But not that, and so much sympathy and anger for those who have been through it.

Late 1990s, with a group of female friends all in our early 20s sitting by the river having a picnic. Bloke on opposite bank came out from behind a tree and unzipped his trousers and started wanking in front of us. Fortunately two of our group had their wits about them and started shouting and pointing at him saying “pervert, pervert” so other people saw what he was doing and he ran off. We did report it at a nearby cafe and the staff said they had had similar reports that week and had told the police but they were unable to identify him. I remember we were all appalled by it, some were angry and others shocked. I think it helped we were in a group. If I’d been on my own I would have run away and not told anyone as I’d worry they would blame me for being there on my own wearing summer clothes so what did I expect etc. I think that says a lot about the social conditioning and now I’m older with more life experience and somewhat bolshy I hope I would report it and be able to challenge any victim blaming.

It happened to me in my early twenties; I was on top of a bus in London and there was the classic odd looking man in a dirty raincoat quite obviously masturbating two seats along. I got off the bus and reported it to the driver before I got off.

And I used to play tennis reasonably seriously as a teen and there were always odd characters hanging around the perimeter of the courts although the parents used to be on top off flushing them out.

In your mind you want to be the woman that laughs in their face but if you are alone in a park or trapped in an empty train carriage, you don't know how they are going to react to that. And by definition they often choose places where they do catch women alone. Or they expose themselves to teen girls who aren't as confident about challenging them.

I think your camera phone is your best friend in these sort of situations if you can react fast enough. If I was a phone manufacturer, I would market a woman's "safety" phone which has a mode for when you are out and about so that you can make an emergency call and take a photo immediately and at the same time.

There was a frequent flasher who you'd do hover around the school playing fields when we had our PE lessons.

He was so frequent I'm amazed nothing was ever done as it would be easy to catch him in the act.

A friend and I flashed at when I was 14 and I remember being really upset. Told our parents who reported but nothing happened.

Thirdly, on the tube. A bloke sat opposite me with very wide shorts and no underwear leering. I didn't report. I was young and embarrassed. I would now.

I was in a stationary car with my female flat mates, 1st year of uni. A guy in the same halls stopped as he walked past and decided to show us his genitals. Broad daylight, halls car park. I don't remember if anyone said anything at the time.

It's happened to me many times. As a teen in the late 90s and early part of this century was the most flash-happy time. And people I knew well would also expose themselves to me. I once got told, "You blondes with big boobs are always up for it with anyone! Everyone knows!!"

So I think the media at the time has a great deal to answer for as to what young men thought was going to get them sex.

But flashers have always been perverted and I've often found it leading to much more than just flashing after time. One of my friends is married to someone who was done for flashing over a decade ago. She says he's changed, he was an idiot and he's grown up etc. I am watching very carefully. I love her but he's a risk as far as I'm concerned

@WallaceinAnderland

We must always report any incidences like this. No matter how insignificant it feels. Its a serious response

Except of course when a man is naked in a female changing room. Then we are committing a hate crime if we report it.

How true.

I have been flashed at numerous times and haven’t kept count, but it began in my teens and I'm now in my sixties.
We used to say that flashers were harmless, but in the eighties, I read about the escalation into sexual assault and rape, so I began reporting it.
Nothing ever got done, as far as I can tell.
I also agree with the poster who says that dick pics are digitalised flashing, and if I ever got one would report it as such.

Women have got to keep on insisting that something is done about predatory and misogynistic men, if we are to see changes.

Twice. Once when I was about 16. Totally bizarre scenario. I was walking along a pavement. Main road to the right and tall fence panels to the left. One fence panel was missing and a totally naked male was standing in its place.
Second time I was about thirty, walking my dd in her pram, residential area, came in-line with a parked car. Driver was totally naked and masturbating.
Reported both times.