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Flashing

113 replies

reportit · 01/10/2021 17:29

Wayne Couzens is said to have flashed / exposed himself to women a few times
In the lead up to his murder of Sarah Everard.

It got me thinking...

How many of us have been victims of so called flashing? Did you report it? What happened?

It happened to me twice. Once as a child (13-14?) on the beach with friends.

Second time aged 18. It was reported and i went to court. He was convicted for indecent exposure with intent to assault.

OP posts:
Sundancerintherain · 01/10/2021 18:31

Yes twice, both times I was 14.
I didn't tell anyone the first time - the second time I was walking to school & told a friend who marched me to the school office who were wonderful, they phoned the police and my parents . The police took it seriously & I gave a statement, that's when I told them about the first incident.

Ilovemycatsomuch · 01/10/2021 18:39

I was flashed at numerous times as a teenager going to and from school. I didn't report it. The behaviour escalated and I was assaulted.

I would advise anyone who is flashed at to please report it if you can. It is absolutely true that this type of behaviour can escalate.

Theworldisfullofgs · 01/10/2021 18:43

Yes, quite a few times.

And aren't dick pics really just digital flashing?

HemanOrSheRa · 01/10/2021 18:44

I've worked as a support worker for almost 30 years. My female colleagues and I have had male service users expose themselves to us, in various ways, many, many times. Never once had an issue with female service users though. Nor have my male colleagues. Funny that.

Motherdare · 01/10/2021 18:48

No, I’ve actually never been flashed, thank god. I’ve been groped but not flashed. I remember older women laughing about flashers when I was younger. I don’t think it was taken very seriously in the past.

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 01/10/2021 18:49

A couple of times as a kid and once as an adult. I didn’t report them.
It depressing that children are often the targets.

Mermaidpool · 01/10/2021 18:54

Yes when I was 11, parents reported it and he was spoken to but no idea if anything was done

2tired2bewitty · 01/10/2021 19:16

Once on the bus aged 16/17, didn’t report it, not even sure I told my parents. In fact I’m almost certain I didn’t because I don’t think they would have carried on letting me do that particular journey if they had known.

Groped countless times on the tube too, also never reported because it’s impossible most times to tell who’s using the crowds to cover up their perversions Angry

ramarama · 01/10/2021 19:25

Twice.
once on holiday on a long distance train, didnt' report it as didn't know where to do so/ didnt' want to have to get off the train and mess up our travel plans.
once in the uni library - reported to security and saw him being carted off but dont' know how far it went as I dont' remember giving a statement. The woman I spoke to on the desk said it happened fairly often.

Sadly the McDonalds Couzens was caught flashing in is very near me, and I keep finding myself thinking about the whole horrid case every time I pass it.

Bagelsandbrie · 01/10/2021 19:31

It’s happened to me a few times. Most scary one was in the middle of a park in South London. I’d just come back from a holiday aged 20 and was pulling a suitcase behind me. I was 5 mins away from home. (My house backed onto the park). Out of the corner of my eye I saw a man dressed in fluorescent running gear which struck me as odd because it was the middle of winter and he didn’t seem the typical running type. As I got closer to where he was I just got a really bad feeling about him but I was literally in the middle of the park so had no choice but to keep going - if I’d turned round he’d be behind me. As I got closer he ran out in front of me, pulled his shorts down and waggled his penis at me. I was absolutely terrified and didn’t know what to do at all. He then pulled his shorts up and ran off in the opposite direction. I practically ran home and rang the police who to their credit came very quickly and took me out in their car to see if we could find him but we couldn’t.

I think we should ban the term “flashing” - it’s doesn’t do the impact of what is a sexual assault justice. Indecent exposure or a visual sexual assault is a more fitting term in my opinion.

Greatdomestic · 01/10/2021 19:35

Once when I was on the tube with a friend, we both laughed as couldn't believe it. Didn't report it.

When I flat shared with friends, one of the girls was flashed at on her way home from work, not far from where we lived. She reported it but as far as I know, nothing came of it.

I agree we should drop the term flashing. It's indecent exposure.

reportit · 01/10/2021 19:38

Thanks everyone for sharing. Its amazing how many women can share such similar experiences. It strikes me that we all seem to accept that not much can be done. Shocking to hear how many were made to feel as if it were their fault

For me, the police took my complaint seriously i has a car reg plate and the man had previous complaints against him. But I remember being shocked and surprised that they took me seriously.

We must always report any incidences like this. No matter how insignificant it feels. Its a serious response

Also as a PP mentioned, often kids are the victims. Its not acceptable

OP posts:
Bowtie292 · 01/10/2021 19:39

I was flashed walking to school when I was a teenager. I was followed once too and had a personal alarm in my pocket but was too scared to press it. When I was in the Brownies we were in small groups in a local park, a man took photos of us and asked me to do a handstand which I did (he took a photo of me and I was in my brownie dress which fell over my head exposing my knickers). I was sexually assaulted in the school corridor but didn't know at the time what a sexual assault was.

I'm 40 and it's only very recently that I've looked back on all this and realised how awful it all is. I had a very sheltered, lovely childhood otherwise.

magicstar1 · 01/10/2021 19:44

When I was about 8 in a graveyard with my mother visiting her parents grave....she grabbed me and hid my face, and was so upset. She called the police but they didn't catch him.

I was flashed one night walking home aged about 22...tbh it didn't upset me. I peered at his penis and laughed. He looked embarassed and ran off.

TheMissingMango · 01/10/2021 19:45

Sickening how many on this thread were children at the time.

I was flashed on a nearly empty train when I was 20. I wouldn't look so he started kicking me. I didn't report it and ran out at the next stop. Not sure why I didn't report it. I would now.

I reported it when I fought a man off in the street though. Thank goodness I had heavy metal buckles on my handbag or... Police came, drove me around, he was gone, case closed.

NiceGerbil · 01/10/2021 19:55

Thanks for this post op. This is a massive issue.

It's been known for decades including by the police. That flashing is often a crime that escalates into worse crimes.

Yet the police as confirmed by the history of couzens, do not treat it with the attention it deserves. In this case an ex cop said on the news- C4 or BBC main news IE loads of viewers. That flashing is trivial and not worth doing anything about.

This attitude means that, given the fact that flashers often do it a lot.

That men are left to expose themselves with no real prospect of ever being stopped, if they go no further.

Wanking at lone schoolgirls on the way home when no one else is about. Wanking in parks behind shrubs Etc. When it's only a child or 2 passing, step out so they see. At female runners in less busy places. Etc.

And to say that is trivial is a massive problem already. There will often be scores of victims. And while some victims will brush it off, they won't forget it. And for many victims it is upsetting, scary. They start avoiding going to certain places. Stop doing things they enjoy. Flashing is about getting sexually excited by a display of sexual dominance and a total contempt for the victims. It is an act of male sexual aggression. It's seen as trivial because... A number of reasons. All of which ignore the actual massive diversion from norms of acceptable behaviour (worrying surely) and the actual impact on victims. If which likely to be loads from just one man.

And yes known to escalate.

IF this crime was taken seriously then action could be taken and loads of future victims would not have it happen.

And of course the escalation would be nipped in the bud.

It's scandalous.

Another one was this guy. List of reports and even convictions as long as your arm. I was impressed the police caught him so fast. Not so much when it came out they already knew all about him and the type of things he did.

Sex offences MUST be addressed. The rape stats are worse than ever. The chance of a rapist being reported charged prosecuted found guilty are as good as zero.

This is URGENT. women and girls are being failed. As are the men and boys who victims of sex crime as well eg the case fairly recently of the serial killer targeting gay men.

reportit · 01/10/2021 19:57

Agree that the term
Flashing diminishes the seriousness of the act. I should have named the thread indecent exposure

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Pinkmagic1 · 01/10/2021 19:59

Yes twice, once when I was age 13 and walking home from the library with my step sister. Man kept jumping out in front of us, exposing himself. We went into the local chip shop and told the lady in there. She just told us to wait 10 minutes until he had cleared off. Second time I was 15 and a man was wanking off at me and my friend on the bus. We told the driver, but he didn't believe us and nothing was done.
This was early to mid 90's and Unfortunately I don't think it was taken as seriously as these days.

mrsbitaly · 01/10/2021 20:04

Yes I was about 10 a boy about 17 with learning disabilities followed me home from the shop. I watched him standing by a Bush picking the leaves off watching me then kept running ahead as a neared a corner I felt nervous so crossed the other side of the bend. As I walked up the street I saw him stood in a clearing of bushes with his pants down full glory showing I ran home told parents police got involved no action taken due to his disability.

arrangeyourface · 01/10/2021 20:06

It happened to me when I was 16. I was just leaving work and there was a guy on a ladder doing some work on our sign. He called me as I left and I looked up to see him with his cock out. Fucking twat. I didn’t report it, partly because it was frankly one of the less worse things that happened to me around then and I was already conditioned to accept the shitty behaviour of men.

WallaceinAnderland · 01/10/2021 20:12

We must always report any incidences like this. No matter how insignificant it feels. Its a serious response

Except of course when a man is naked in a female changing room. Then we are committing a hate crime if we report it.

Antinerak · 01/10/2021 20:31

The numerous times I've reported indecent exposure and other forms of sexual harassment and assault have always gone in through one ear and out the other. I was told "next time, dial 999 while you're there rather than reporting hours later" after I'd told them a man was wanking over my windscreen. When I was groped and had my top and bra ripped off me, they asked what I was wearing and to next time wear something sturdier that couldn't be ripped. The female police officer sent to console me recommended some bra companies and suggested I wear sports bras as they're more difficult to unhook.

I know how important reporting is but it's a waste of time and so upsetting to be brushed off by police.

NiceGerbil · 01/10/2021 20:34

@reportit

Agree that the term Flashing diminishes the seriousness of the act. I should have named the thread indecent exposure
No no it wasn't aimed at you or anyone else! Didn't even cross my mind when I wrote that. Just wrote what came out of my head.

Everyone calls it flashing really. And everyone knows it means a man showing his cock, usually erect and being wanked. To pretty much always a female victim. Very often a schoolgirl.

It's seen as a joke. Minimised. No harm done, didn't touch her or anything.

Flashers were used for comic effect in the past. Monty python, Benny hill. As was voyeurism, another 'trivial' crime.

Why was it always pushed that it's something to 'laugh off'? That it's sad men who are to be laughed at or pitied.

When I was growing up when it happened no one told anyone except their friends. Definitely not a police matter. In my school anyway. And however you felt it was the norm to tell the story to friends in a jokey way. And they would tell their experiences the same and we'd all laugh.

That's the depth of socialisation.

WHY society has always pushed this -women and men and in the past tv and film. I am not sure.

Maybe because it's so common that it's just one of those things so what's the point in taking it seriously?

It's depressing.

reportit · 01/10/2021 20:46

@NiceGerbil

I know 🤗 The more i read the more incensed i feel. Its men wanking to intimidate a female.

Why give it a fluffy euphemism?

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reportit · 01/10/2021 20:48

Agree with your point about Comedy. Ooh what a joke/ naughty boy. Boys will boys. Some
Girls are far sexy for their own good

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