"I give good massages" no, no you don't xD

[Bunnymumy]

Met a few guys over the years insist they give good massages when they actually, give good Klingon death grip!

Anyone else met a few of these!?

I swear I'm never letting a man put his hands near my shoulders again xD

The last one, I was in agony for a couple of days until I massaged it out myself. Can only suppose he must have trapped some muscles or something.

Maybe we should check these things early on...like we check they aren't washing-machine kissers xD

I maybe missing the point but I'm really confused... What is xD?

And also what is a washing machine kisser?

Sucking ! Ew!

Oh! Thanks bigchris

I've never heard of that one!

xD It's a laughing face.

A washing machine kisser is just someone that is all tongue when kissing.

I have to be honest, it doesn’t look like a laughing face and mumsnet provides emojis.

If you need to do it manually this is a laughing face :-D

Righto.

It's a laughing face with eyes squeezed shut.

It’s a commonly accepted emoji.

Disagree! There's nothing worse than a feeble massage. I like a decent amount of force put into it, work into the knots, break down the tight bits.

I think you've met the wrong few guys over the years

Though i reckon "I give good massages" is code for "I'll massage you listlessly and without thought until you shag me just to make it stop"

@HellonHeels

Though i reckon "I give good massages" is code for "I'll massage you listlessly and without thought until you shag me just to make it stop"

Very likely, but you'd think if they're using it as precursor to entice you into sex, they'd actually want to be good at it!

I understood the emoji.

I had to tell my husband I liked "gentle" massages. By gentle, I mean normal. His original ones felt like a sports massage you'd give a rugby player!

I understood the emoji too.

Yep met several of these when OLD. I think men think it’s code for I know how to do foreplay. IME these blokes are usually shit at massage and foreplay.

It’s like a roll out line because that’s what men think women want to hear.

11 yr old DS gives excellent massages, I'm training him up well!

@HellonHeels

Disagree! There's nothing worse than a feeble massage. I like a decent amount of force put into it, work into the knots, break down the tight bits.

Agree! But tbh I'd take anything, DH is not interested in becoming my personal masseuse in the slightest and feeble attempts mostly result in a sly bottom or boob grope

@Bluntness100

I have to be honest, it doesn’t look like a laughing face and mumsnet provides emojis.

If you need to do it manually this is a laughing face :-D

I know you think yourself as being top viper in this cesspit but as if you're policing emojis now!

xD has been a text emoji for decades. I know you have this innate desire to be right and tell people what to do but get a fucking grip man will you.

Bluntness no one has used the "-" for a nose for decades

@sickofyou22 😂

Haha, my best friend (male) says he's been told he gives good shoulder rubs and is very proud of the fact. A couple of times when I've been tense he's tried to rub my shoulders and tbh it's just rubbish and ineffectual. Don't know how to break it to him that he isn't as good as he thinks he is! Maybe it's my duty to tell him so he has a chance to improve before subjecting any future partners to them!

Fortunately my DH gives great shoulder rubs, albeit not as frequently as I'd like!

Ooh emoji war and one poster clutching her arse cheeks,,,😂

@Bluntness100

Ooh emoji war and one poster clutching her arse cheeks,,,😂

Please do a clutching arse emoji

I've only ever met one man who was any good at massage.

The rest seem to think that pressing on my shoulder blade should release all my tension. They seem to have no knowledge of anatomy at all (which probably explains the 'shit at sex' thing too).

I need to learn how to massage myself - I have tense shoulders and a spine full of knots!

They seem to have no knowledge of anatomy at all

'Pointy thing go in hole now? No? I press harder then. Find magic button. Make legs open'.