"I give good massages" no, no you don't xD

[Bunnymumy]

Met a few guys over the years insist they give good massages when they actually, give good Klingon death grip!

Anyone else met a few of these!?

I swear I'm never letting a man put his hands near my shoulders again xD

The last one, I was in agony for a couple of days until I massaged it out myself. Can only suppose he must have trapped some muscles or something.

Maybe we should check these things early on...like we check they aren't washing-machine kissers xD

@HellonHeels

Disagree! There's nothing worse than a feeble massage. I like a decent amount of force put into it, work into the knots, break down the tight bits.

Force on it's own is no good unless they are using the right techniques. Or it could be done wrong and leave people with injuries.

Please do a clutching arse emoji

Mnhq should defo develop this..😂

"I have to be honest, it doesn’t look like a laughing face and mumsnet provides emojis."

Oh dear.

Oh dear, the comment about the emoji is so unintentionally funny.

OP I completely agree that a man who claims to be good at massage, and is shit at it, is almost certainly rubbish in bed too. Not that I have done extensive research

they're too rough.. they never seem to get the pressure just right...

Ex was very heavy handed, but he did occasionally do a good job if i told him to be gentle.

Current bloke is lovely, but its been that long since anyone gave me a massage i think i'd melt if anyone laid hands on me tbf, lol.

My exBf kept insisting that a massage would do me good. He was constantly trying to persuade me that it would solve all my health problems. No it bloody well wouldn't! I have rheumatoid and osteoarthritis as well as fibromyalgia,which makes my joints and muscles extremely sensitive to touch. I also have severe tendinitis in my right shoulder. The last thing I need is someone pummelling me about,especially someone who doesn't have a clue what they're doing. He also insisted that cold showers would 'do me the world of good'. Yes,a freezing cold shower is going to do my painful joints and sore muscles a real favour. Honestly,he was clueless.

@Emancipated

I understood the emoji too.

Yep met several of these when OLD. I think men think it’s code for I know how to do foreplay. IME these blokes are usually shit at massage and foreplay.

It’s like a roll out line because that’s what men think women want to hear.

Yep. That pretty much sums up my ex. He was obsessed with 'massages' which lasted a very painful 30 secs and ended up with sex just to give him what he wanted and so I could go to sleep. I stopped having sex with him, after a short while, nothing in it for me.