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Original poster

Asked a friend a personal question about having a child but no response?

59 replies

CleverCatty · 20/08/2020 14:42

This is a FB one - I've got a mutual friend - not that close but we used to see each other a lot as have or had a good friend of mine in common.

We're friends on FB but not seen each other for years - she posted one of those banner quotes and it was something like 'I said this to my 5 year old and blah blah blah something to do like Trump said'.

I put a comment under it saying 'Oh I didn't realise you had a 5 year old' - no comment back - she has a photo of her with a young child about 5 who could be her DD.

I messaged her to say I was sorry if I embarassed her by asking but again no reply.

I'm not really bothered if she has another child or not - not really my business - nothing about pregnancy on FB.

Should I just do an Elsa and let it go?!

OP posts:
DeepTreacle · 20/08/2020 14:45

If you worded your comment like that then it wasn’t exactly a question so she may not have felt any response was necessary, and I’m not sure why you would interpret her lack of response as being due to embarrassment. I think you’re reading a lot into this and yes you should let it go.

UnfinishedSymphon · 20/08/2020 14:47

Leave her alone! She posts a something about her 5 year old, you comment and say you didn't know she had one... how exactly do you want her to respond?

Lelophants · 20/08/2020 14:47

How well do you know this person to not know she has a child?? Sounds like you're not really friends tbh. Yeah ask a question you'd normally ask then let it go.

Interested in this thread?

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Families
Original poster
CleverCatty · 20/08/2020 14:50

@Lelophants

How well do you know this person to not know she has a child?? Sounds like you're not really friends tbh. Yeah ask a question you'd normally ask then let it go.
That's the thing - I haven't seen her for years and our mutual friend was the one I fell out with.

I don't really care either way as I don't see her. Just curious as to why it's a big secret. If it was me I'd just say 'this is Elsa, she's 5' etc.

OP posts:
Thesearmsofmine · 20/08/2020 14:51

It wouldn’t even enter my head to think it was embarrassment and message her. She didn’t respond because you didn’t ask a question. Forget about it.

Original poster
CleverCatty · 20/08/2020 14:52

@UnfinishedSymphon

Leave her alone! She posts a something about her 5 year old, you comment and say you didn't know she had one... how exactly do you want her to respond?
I didn't know she'd had a child. it isn't my business really but we were friends as in socialised together.

We never see each other. It's the kind of thing I'd just reply 'yes, i have a little girl she's Elsa etc and she'd 5'.

OP posts:
Original poster
CleverCatty · 20/08/2020 14:53

@Thesearmsofmine

It wouldn’t even enter my head to think it was embarrassment and message her. She didn’t respond because you didn’t ask a question. Forget about it.
done, forgot about it.
OP posts:
Biancadelrioisback · 20/08/2020 14:56

Maybe she didn't want to start a conversation about it? You're not a part of her life so I don't see why she would comment back. And just because you would do/say something doesn't mean that your way is right and hers is wrong...

Original poster
CleverCatty · 20/08/2020 14:59

@Biancadelrioisback

Maybe she didn't want to start a conversation about it? You're not a part of her life so I don't see why she would comment back. And just because you would do/say something doesn't mean that your way is right and hers is wrong...
I know - that's it - we're not part of each other's lives anymore. I don't live anywhere near her either!

Plus she's friends with the ex very close friend of mine who's a piece of work - so I think though this friend is happy to be FB friends she doesn't want anything else, which is understandable.

OP posts:
UnfinishedSymphon · 20/08/2020 15:07

So if you know you're not part of one another's life, why do you think she owes you a response?

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 20/08/2020 15:07

I don't really care either way as I don't see her. Just curious as to why it's a big secret. If it was me I'd just say 'this is Elsa, she's 5' etc

But why do you think it’s a secret?? You said yourself you don’t see her and haven’t for years and even back when you did you weren’t the closest friends but saw each other socially. Surely it makes way more sense to think this news simply didn’t reach you 5 years ago than to imagine she’s randomly decided to keep her child a secret from you Confused? You’re totally overthinking this.

AvoidingRealHumans · 20/08/2020 15:16

I've just remembered someone asked me something on one of my fb posts and I've forgotten to reply. Nothing behind it, I wouldn't worry about having offended her.

LinManWellWellWell · 20/08/2020 15:17

Some people don’t reply to stuff, which can feel weird if you (like me) always reply straight away. I did go through fb recently and deleted anyone who isn’t really in my life anymore - it just started to feel a bit weird. I want stuff I share to be with people who know me and actually care!

Original poster
CleverCatty · 20/08/2020 16:44

@LinManWellWellWell

Some people don’t reply to stuff, which can feel weird if you (like me) always reply straight away. I did go through fb recently and deleted anyone who isn’t really in my life anymore - it just started to feel a bit weird. I want stuff I share to be with people who know me and actually care!
I do know her and I do care but we haven't seen each other for a few years since she moved quite far away and also the fall out with me of one of her close friends.
OP posts:
Kittykat93 · 20/08/2020 16:51

To not know she has a five year old child you clearly haven't spoken properly for at least 5 or 6 years. I don't think you're really friends.

Original poster
CleverCatty · 20/08/2020 16:51

@CantSleepClownsWillEatMe

I don't really care either way as I don't see her. Just curious as to why it's a big secret. If it was me I'd just say 'this is Elsa, she's 5' etc

But why do you think it’s a secret?? You said yourself you don’t see her and haven’t for years and even back when you did you weren’t the closest friends but saw each other socially. Surely it makes way more sense to think this news simply didn’t reach you 5 years ago than to imagine she’s randomly decided to keep her child a secret from you Confused? You’re totally overthinking this.

I am overthinking this! I think it's because I fell out with our mutual friend and it wasn't pretty....

I tried to extend an olive branch to my friend I fell out with (we were really close) and exchanged Linkedin messages and then saw a really nasty comment she wrote on another mutual friend's FB.

oh gawd - now I know what happened seeing our messages - I had gone to see this friend and had dinner with her and some other friends (she was setting me up with someone) - there was a holiday I was supposed to go on with the other friend I fell out with but this friend told me she thought it wasn't happening and I said 'no I know XXX, it's happening'.

then there was an meeting for the other friend's birthday and after that when we fell out I think I might have sent a rude Whatsapp to this friend of the 5 year old - and I apologised to her via Messenger.

I just think - quite rightly she doesn't want communication with me in case it's drama and I don't blame her!

We definitely weren't close friends we just had the other friend in common but I saw her outside my friendship with the friend I fell out with. hey ho.

OP posts:
Original poster
CleverCatty · 20/08/2020 16:57

@Kittykat93

To not know she has a five year old child you clearly haven't spoken properly for at least 5 or 6 years. I don't think you're really friends.
we are not - I know that now! I wasn't under any impression that we were friends anymore - she was one of those who confided in me a lot - but when she met someone new and moved we lost touch, as you do.
OP posts:
Biancadelrioisback · 20/08/2020 19:27

Jesus, all that is way too hard to follow.

ATowelAndAPotato · 20/08/2020 19:57

Blimey. Why are you even friends on FB with her? Just delete her and get on with your life. So much drama!

Original poster
CleverCatty · 21/08/2020 09:56

@ATowelAndAPotato

Blimey. Why are you even friends on FB with her? Just delete her and get on with your life. So much drama!
I wouldn't delete her, she's done nothing wrong.
OP posts:
JadesRollerDisco · 21/08/2020 10:20

Couldn't you delete her just because you know her so little you don't even know she has a 5 year old child? So she's not even an acquaintance at this point, she's a stranger

JadesRollerDisco · 21/08/2020 10:21

People don't have to have done something wrong to stop being your friend on FB

lifesalongsong · 21/08/2020 10:44

I dont really understand what happened but how do you know she's ignoring you, maybe she hasn't even seen your comment

mindutopia · 21/08/2020 11:16

Well, if someone said that to me, I probably wouldn't respond because I would feel like that person already said something obviously really embarrassing (to you) and I would not want to make a big deal out of it because I'd think you were probably already feeling foolish enough for leaving the comment. It could also be that because she has a child and probably a job and things going on in her life, she just hasn't even had time to think about it. I can't imagine she is in any way upset or thinking about some drama with some other friend you had in the past. I think you need to let this go. Hmm

MaliceOrgan · 21/08/2020 11:22

This all sounds very over complicated. You didn't ask a question so she hasn't replied - and now you've decided she's keeping a child secret as a result. Stop inventing drama.