Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Asked a friend a personal question about having a child but no response?

59 replies

CleverCatty · 20/08/2020 14:42

This is a FB one - I've got a mutual friend - not that close but we used to see each other a lot as have or had a good friend of mine in common.

We're friends on FB but not seen each other for years - she posted one of those banner quotes and it was something like 'I said this to my 5 year old and blah blah blah something to do like Trump said'.

I put a comment under it saying 'Oh I didn't realise you had a 5 year old' - no comment back - she has a photo of her with a young child about 5 who could be her DD.

I messaged her to say I was sorry if I embarassed her by asking but again no reply.

I'm not really bothered if she has another child or not - not really my business - nothing about pregnancy on FB.

Should I just do an Elsa and let it go?!

OP posts:
Original poster
CleverCatty · 21/08/2020 11:26

@MaliceOrgan

This all sounds very over complicated. You didn't ask a question so she hasn't replied - and now you've decided she's keeping a child secret as a result. Stop inventing drama.
I'm actually not that bothered about it now - I was more curious than anything.

I think exactly what has happened - we've moved on and we don't see each other but it's not a huge issue.

I won't unfriend her on FB but won't ask her any more searching questions. I do have a life of my own you know.

OP posts:
ApplestheHare · 21/08/2020 11:35

I really can't see why you're worried about this. Nothing about what she's done makes it sound like she's got a secret child. I think you may need to go further than doing an Elsa and delete your FB

Original poster
CleverCatty · 21/08/2020 14:21

@ApplestheHare

I really can't see why you're worried about this. Nothing about what she's done makes it sound like she's got a secret child. I think you may need to go further than doing an Elsa and delete your FB
I think I might delete this friend from FB.

There is another mutual friend of us all - but we went on holiday together and I'm closer to her. She also lives nearer to me and I've seen her a couple of times with her kids. So won't delete this friend.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
GrumpyHoonMain · 21/08/2020 14:24

You probably made her realise she needs to restrict her privacy settings. If I had someone I thought I had unfriended reply on a post about my son - I would ignore until I could block / restrict you

RaisinGhost · 21/08/2020 14:36

Your reply sounds pretty sarcastic tbh. She put up a post that was a one liner about politics and you reply questioning whether she has dc?

It would be like if I put a post saying "my dog could write better policy that Boris Johnson" and you replied "actually you don't have a dog", I'd take that as you disagree with my political opinions, not that you want to chit chat about my dog.

Original poster
CleverCatty · 21/08/2020 15:03

@GrumpyHoonMain

You probably made her realise she needs to restrict her privacy settings. If I had someone I thought I had unfriended reply on a post about my son - I would ignore until I could block / restrict you
ok - she hasn't unfriended me nor replied to me.

Yes, I get it was a bit rude to ask her - it's not a huge thing at the end of the day as we were friends but through this other close friend.

I haven't seen her in years, I won't see her again because she lives a long way away. I'm fine not seeing her. If I saw her I'd say 'hi Portia (or whatever name) how are you?' and that's that. if she had her DD with her I'd say hi too but I wouldn't pry.

I had no idea she'd had a child and was being tactless in asking her the way I did - I get it! Most people I know - even acquaintances post pics of baby on Facebook when born, or bump or scan pics but I get this might have been private for her own reasons and nothing to do with me!

I have moved on! jeez I need Gin now ha ha!

OP posts:
Original poster
CleverCatty · 21/08/2020 15:04

@RaisinGhost

Your reply sounds pretty sarcastic tbh. She put up a post that was a one liner about politics and you reply questioning whether she has dc?

It would be like if I put a post saying "my dog could write better policy that Boris Johnson" and you replied "actually you don't have a dog", I'd take that as you disagree with my political opinions, not that you want to chit chat about my dog.

I do think her not replying to my message (which she doesn't have to do by the way) was partly because I was rude to her (which she forgave) after her friend was unforgivably rude and unkind to me - which meant we fell out. I get that, I wouldn't want to speak much to someone where there was drama involved.
OP posts:
Original poster
CleverCatty · 21/08/2020 15:07

@RaisinGhost

Your reply sounds pretty sarcastic tbh. She put up a post that was a one liner about politics and you reply questioning whether she has dc?

It would be like if I put a post saying "my dog could write better policy that Boris Johnson" and you replied "actually you don't have a dog", I'd take that as you disagree with my political opinions, not that you want to chit chat about my dog.

My comment by the way wasn't meant to come off as sarcastic - from me - it was 'I didn't realise you had a kid' as there is nothing about it on FB.

But as tons of people have told me it's no secret etc it's just we don't mix in same circles and aren't friends as such and she's not happy putting this info on FB! Great, fine, I get it. I'm hardly losing sleep over this....

OP posts:
BimbleWimble · 21/08/2020 15:25

I’m confused. Did she actually write that she has a 5 year old, or did she just share a quote that said that?

Biancadelrioisback · 21/08/2020 15:26

But what "searching" questions did you ask her?

Wilko312 · 21/08/2020 15:31

@UnfinishedSymphon

So if you know you're not part of one another's life, why do you think she owes you a response?
Come on now. If this person was a stranger that makes sense but they are acquaintances.... The OP isn't owed a response but it would common curtesy for one to be given.
JorisBonson · 21/08/2020 15:51

What a non issue.

RaspberryToupee · 21/08/2020 15:54

I had no idea she'd had a child and was being tactless in asking her the way I did - I get it! Most people I know - even acquaintances post pics of baby on Facebook when born, or bump or scan pics but I get this might have been private for her own reasons and nothing to do with me!

No kids yet but we’ve already discussed that we won’t be announcing anything on Facebook. My dog is 3 and I’ve posted less than 10 photos of her on my FB, and never her name. We plan to be even stricter with kids. If we’re not close enough for me to pick up the phone and tell you or we don’t see each other in years then why should you find out everything about me from my social media to maintain the illusion of friendship?

This is also why I’ve told DH that there is a entry requirement for my funeral, currently the name of my dog. If you don’t know the name of my dog, you’re not close enough to be at my funeral. When my aunt died, all the FB ‘friends’ came out of the woodwork, to thrive on the grief of someone they ‘knew’.

BitchTitties · 21/08/2020 15:56

You sound about 12.
And utterly bonkers.

CharismaticVic · 21/08/2020 16:07

@BitchTitties

You sound about 12. And utterly bonkers.
I think she is just making a point about manners. Also I don't get this whole thing about people wanting an award for how little personal information they put on FB. Be safe of course but don't post pics of your child, cat, dog, allotment, whatever and then get miffed when someone who is your 'friend' or 'friend of friend' (if that's how you set up your profile privacy) then dares to ask about it.
Notredamn · 21/08/2020 16:37

I bet the woman had no idea when she casually shared the post, that some ex friend from years ago would feel entitled enough for an introduction to her child off the back of it and then go on to analyse every aspect of her not bothering to reply!

Original poster
CleverCatty · 21/08/2020 16:48

@Biancadelrioisback

But what "searching" questions did you ask her?
i just asked her via FB messenger if she had a 5 year old but asked how she was etc and told her briefly how I was.
OP posts:
Original poster
CleverCatty · 21/08/2020 16:49

@BimbleWimble

I’m confused. Did she actually write that she has a 5 year old, or did she just share a quote that said that?
she shared a quote!
OP posts:
Original poster
CleverCatty · 21/08/2020 16:54

CharimaticVic - I am making a point about manners - also the fact is that this friend was a close enough friend to:-

a) come out with us a lot shopping, coffee, drinks etc and confide in her love life/family life/DS (teenage son) problems etc

b) invited me to a mutual friend of her's house and tried to matchmake me without my knowledge to this mutual friend - another man was there too

c) I'd been to family parties with this friend

All she needed to say if anything is via messenger - no I haven't got a child.

She posted a pic of her with a little girl's body with a cute top on and lower part of face showing and her face (eyes and mouth etc) recently as FB messenger pic and so I was curious. I'm not being goady asking her - but why post this and expect people not to ask questions especially as 24 other people liked/loved it.

OP posts:
Notredamn · 21/08/2020 16:55

Why would you assume she also had a 5 year old if she shared a quote that just so happened to resonate with her/make her laugh? Are those 'Marilyn monroe' quotes still doing the rounds on Fb? Be a bit weird if you commented on one saying 'oh I didn't realise you were Marilyn Monroe'.

Original poster
CleverCatty · 21/08/2020 16:55

[quote Notredamn ]I bet the woman had no idea when she casually shared the post, that some ex friend from years ago would feel entitled enough for an introduction to her child off the back of it and then go on to analyse every aspect of her not bothering to reply! [/quote]
I bet she did too - but I don't know if she thought I was entitled enough to ask for a introduction too.

She was entitled enough to introduce me without my knowledge to a random man she knew - at his house, over a Sunday lunch and was entitled enough to fish for business with the company I worked for when she worked in PR. Not that I was bitter etc for either of those things.

OP posts:
Notredamn · 21/08/2020 16:58

She doesn't have to answer to you just because you were once socially involved with one another.

Original poster
CleverCatty · 21/08/2020 16:59

[quote Notredamn ]Why would you assume she also had a 5 year old if she shared a quote that just so happened to resonate with her/make her laugh? Are those 'Marilyn monroe' quotes still doing the rounds on Fb? Be a bit weird if you commented on one saying 'oh I didn't realise you were Marilyn Monroe'. [/quote]
Ok - she posted one of those colourful posts where it says in white a quote, hers was:-

"Conversation with my 5 year old this morning - 'Mum who is Donald Trump'... 'The American President' ..... 'Hmmm does he actually know if he is named after a fart!!!'

Hahaha ha

so it's a quote from her not one of those:-

'Mummy thinks Marilyn Monroe is great singing Happy Birthday Mr President' meme type posts.

OP posts:
Original poster
CleverCatty · 21/08/2020 16:59

[quote Notredamn ]She doesn't have to answer to you just because you were once socially involved with one another. [/quote]
I know, I get that.

I just said that a few posts up.

OP posts:
Original poster
CleverCatty · 21/08/2020 17:01

@RaspberryToupee

I had no idea she'd had a child and was being tactless in asking her the way I did - I get it! Most people I know - even acquaintances post pics of baby on Facebook when born, or bump or scan pics but I get this might have been private for her own reasons and nothing to do with me!

No kids yet but we’ve already discussed that we won’t be announcing anything on Facebook. My dog is 3 and I’ve posted less than 10 photos of her on my FB, and never her name. We plan to be even stricter with kids. If we’re not close enough for me to pick up the phone and tell you or we don’t see each other in years then why should you find out everything about me from my social media to maintain the illusion of friendship?

This is also why I’ve told DH that there is a entry requirement for my funeral, currently the name of my dog. If you don’t know the name of my dog, you’re not close enough to be at my funeral. When my aunt died, all the FB ‘friends’ came out of the woodwork, to thrive on the grief of someone they ‘knew’.

see this makes perfect sense to me - now I know this then yes I'd understand.

However the vast majority of people I know share stuff like new births with family and friends on FB. My last SO we agreed we would share.

But, I understand totally if you don't want to. My FB profile isn't going to magically change if I get married, have kids etc - I don't see the need.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread