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Original poster

My 5 month olds lack of eye contact is worrying me

38 replies

Bpr187 · 12/03/2020 14:04

I was wondering if anyone could please give me their experience with eye contact.

I have a 23 week old son and he gives eye contact when I am holding him in the breastfeeding position of giving him a bottle, if he is in his rocker, on the change table, etc. mainly while lying on his back. However, he will not give me eye contact when I am holding him sitting on my lap facing me. He will look to the left or right and if I put my face in front of his he will look the other way as if to dodge me.

From your experience, is this what they mean when they say lack of eye contact? Does it mean that they try to avoid eye contact in all positions or can it be only in one position and still qualify? Has anyone ever experienced this? He also will watch anyone and everyone when they are moving around the room. He is also able to track objects without any problems. He does have a slight turn in one of his eyes so I’m wondering if this could also be causing him problems but as he’s tracking fine then I’m assuming his eyesight is ok.

For those of you with experience with autism what else would be red flags at this age besides just the eye contact?

Has anyone's child been quite poor with eye contact as an infant and not turned out to be diagnosed on the spectrum?

Thanks so much for your help in advance! I really appreciate your input.

OP posts:
GrumpyHoonMain · 12/03/2020 14:07

The autism that is obvious at this age is often the most severe form - so I would expect way more symptoms than a failure to make eye contact while he’s sitting up.
A friend with a son who had autism symptoms this young, encountered muscular symptoms, failure to achieve milestones, no cooing etc etc.

Original poster
Bpr187 · 12/03/2020 14:14

Thank you for your reply.

He doesn't smile very much either. If I smile at him he never smiles back at me unless I am making a sound or singing for example. He makes plenty of sounds though.

I think I just look at all the other baby's at baby group and worry because they all look at me and smile when I smile at them. My son doesn't really look as much as they do so it just worries me.

Thanks again!

OP posts:
Autumn29876 · 12/03/2020 14:14

He is making eye contact with you in a variety of different situations. He is also tracking peoples faces and is not just interested in objects. This is very positive.

When you have him on your lap he is probably looking over your shoulder at something interesting. This seems normal to me.

You cannot tell if a child has ASC at this age. He is too little. When older children are diagnosed their parents often say 'they were such a good baby'. They say this because the child was very passive, however this does not apply to all children on the spectrum.

Is there a particular reason you are worried? Do you have ASC in the family?

  • [Post has been edited by MNHQ to remove link]

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Mads123 · 12/03/2020 14:21

Please try not to worry yet... I did exactly this when my LB was this age, he's 16 months now and gives me loads of eye contact. Your little one is probably just looking at all the other interesting things as your always there.

FindaPenny · 12/03/2020 14:23

Has anyone looked at the turn of his eye?

Original poster
Bpr187 · 12/03/2020 14:24

Thank you Autumn29876.

No there is no history in the family at all. I guess it's just natural that you compare your baby to others when you're at baby classes and wonder why your son or daughter is not acting the same way as others (who all seem to be similar). I feel as though he's later reaching the milestones than others for example his first smile, when he could grasp a toy, putting things to his mouth etc. Although he is doing all those things now, I would think he wasn't reaching them and then suddenly he would just start doing it. As I said in my first post, he does seem to have a slight turn in his eye so I wonder if that is something to do with it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bpr187 · 12/03/2020 14:26

FindaPenny

Yes I told my HV about it she said it's very slight and that she will review it at his 6 month check in two week and decide whether to refer him or not as it's not obvious. For example you may only notice it when he's just woken up or tired.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bpr187 · 15/03/2020 09:25

GrumpyHoonMain
The only other thing he does which worries me is he stares at the same things for example I have picture frames up in the house and he stares at them almost every day. He seems to go into a daze quite a lot. I have read on here a few times on other threads that some babies haven't smiled properly or made much eye contact until 6 months+ so I'm trying to stay positive. I just find myself worrying about it constantly, I want to stop thinking about it but it's hard. What were the main things your friend noticed with her baby?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bpr187 · 15/03/2020 09:26

@GrumpyHoonMain

The only other thing he does which worries me is he stares at the same things for example I have picture frames up in the house and he stares at them almost every day. He seems to go into a daze quite a lot. I have read on here a few times on other threads that some babies haven't smiled properly or made much eye contact until 6 months+ so I'm trying to stay positive. I just find myself worrying about it constantly, I want to stop thinking about it but it's hard. What were the main things your friend noticed with her baby?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bpr187 · 15/03/2020 09:27

@Autumn29876

Sorry I'm new on here and only just realised I didn't tag your name properly.

No there is no history in the family at all. I guess it's just natural that you compare your baby to others when you're at baby classes and wonder why your son or daughter is not acting the same way as others (who all seem to be similar). I feel as though he's later reaching the milestones than others for example his first smile, when he could grasp a toy, putting things to his mouth etc. Although he is doing all those things now, I would think he wasn't reaching them and then suddenly he would just start doing it. As I said in my first post, he does seem to have a slight turn in his eye so I wonder if that is something to do with it.

OP posts:
Gilead · 15/03/2020 09:58

I am retired now but was part of a diagnostic team. We would not consider looking at a child this early. Give it time, they do things at different points in time. The fact that he’s making cooing noises is good.

Gilead · 15/03/2020 10:01

@Autumn29876, Autism speaks are evil and speak only for themselves, with not one autistic person on their board. I will be asking Mumsnet to remove the link, I hope they do. Please understand I am not having a go at you personally, many people are unaware of their practices.

strawberrylipgloss · 15/03/2020 10:05

When you see your hv it might be worth asking about a vision exam. I've seen babies in glasses so there must be some way to test.
I think it can be a personality thing though. My oldest was always looking past me as a baby but is definitely not on the spectrum and doesn't wear glasses.

Original poster
Bpr187 · 15/03/2020 10:11

@Gilead
Well I don't know if it's cooing as such but he does like making himself known he will make like a squealing sound and other sounds when he's excited/playing. He's 5.5 months now and he's almost sitting up. He laughs when we do a certain game with him, we rock him up and down and kiss him and he laughs. He doesn't laugh otherwise. I have read on here from other parents that their babies started smiling more after 7 months, so I'm just hoping that will be the case for my son.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bpr187 · 15/03/2020 10:33

@strawberrylipgloss

Yes he's been referred so hopefully we will get some answers from that. He can definitely see me better if I'm not so close to him. It's just the eye contact and the gazing at certain things that have set off alarm bells for me. Everything else he seems to be managing ok.

OP posts:
WanderingTrolley1 · 15/03/2020 10:44

Go with your gut.

Hoik · 15/03/2020 10:50

I agree with @Gilead about Autism Speaks. They are a vile organisation.

I had no idea either of my sons were autistic at five months old. Looking back at their development there are some things which make sense and which fit with their current ASD profiles but I'm looking back through the filter of a diagnosis so I can say "oh, so that's why he always did that..." and a large chunk of it is probably confirmation bias anyway.

What I will say is that I loved them deeply then and I love them deeply now, a diagnosis did nothing to change that. It doesn't hurt to be aware of the signs that your child might have a difference in his neurodevelopment but try not to let worries about it overtake your enjoy ent of this time with your son.

strawberrylipgloss · 15/03/2020 11:50

It sounds like long sightedness is a possibility then. If he is long sighted then the pictures on the wall are much clearer and more interesting than your face and physical milestones would be harder.

ChittyChittyBoomBoom · 15/03/2020 12:12

My ds was exactly like that. He would actively avoid eye contact and didn’t smile until 12 weeks. This continued until he was 6-8 months. We used to call him Jack Dee as he was so dead-pan 😂.

He gradually got a little better and was a sociable toddler but some quirky behaviours crept in and he was referred to community paeds for an asd assessment. He was 4 at the time.

The paed agreed about the lack of eye contact but there wasn’t enough evidence to assess him so she said he’d be reviewed in 12-18 months time.

By that time, he’d started school where he was displaying some challenging behaviour (did at nursery also) and just before he was 6, he was diagnosed with adhd.

He’s still a quirky little thing and can struggle socially but he’s the most gorgeous little boy EVER. In the whole world ❤️.

LuckyLickitung · 15/03/2020 12:49

DS2 was fascinated by one of DM's pictures with a strong contrast on it, and would focus on that above much of what was going on in the room. He does not have ASD (unlike his brother)

It is worth doing a vision check.

ASD is complex and 5m is developmentally too young for most of the strands of ASD to be sufficiently developed (or not) to be identified. With hindsight the absolute earliest trait of DS1 was about 10m when he realised that "no" was not going to indulge his perfectionist ways and the "tantrums" started. I do remember once he could sit, that he would sit very happily, studying everything, concentrating and absorbing what was around him. At 2, several of his traits were showing, but not sufficiently beyond the range of normal development. Referral was made at 7 and diagnosis at 9.

Eye contact is not a reliable trait, and certainly can't be used in isolation. DS does make some, selectively with "safe" people. He'll often answer person A directly in a vocal way, but focus on a safe person. Many "shy" children without the other traits of autism can display similar behaviour.

While it is very early for any neuro-diverse development issues to be identified, the record of any concerns such as vision will build up a useful early picture should any other concerns emerge further down the line.

Hoik · 15/03/2020 13:29

I agree that eye contact is not a reliable indicator. Both of my sons make great eye contact and on the surface are very social and chatty but when you look deeper it is very usually a one-sided conversation with then talking 'at' you rather than with you and they don't observe any of the social rules of conversation such as not crossing into personal space, not asking inappropriate questions or making personal remarks, not spilling out their life story to strangers, etc.

Bubbs2020 · 09/12/2020 23:35

OP any updates?
My 3 month old is currently doing the same

ttrrii · 02/10/2021 18:59

@Bpr187 Hey! How is your son doing now?

Belle82 · 05/03/2022 09:10

@Bpr187
Hi, would you mind telling me how your baby is now?
My little boy is doing the same as yours did 😔

Coleycokes · 24/04/2022 22:36

Hi @Belle82

my son who is four now did this, he has sensory processing issues and a speech delay. He’s able to talk but his communication skills are behind by about 6 months. We have been referred for occupational therapy and speech therapy. Most people say they wouldn’t know he has any issues the only problems he really has is concentrating in preschool and behaviour…. Very independent, head strong and loud

Im on this thread because I just had another boy in December gone. He is the very same as my son. Lack of eye contact up close but will look at me when on changing mat, floor or from a distance. I notice his eye contact is very bad when he has wind
hope this helps