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Original poster

Get me to the birth on time but I don't want to smell of fish [grin]

34 replies

Ninninannanoonoo · 10/02/2019 16:47

I don't think there is an actual solution to this, but if anyone has a crystal ball or possibly a Star Trek matter-transporter they aren't using l would be eternally grateful.

My daughter is expecting baby number 2 in a few weeks.
She lives in a different country to me - involves flying - about 5 hours door to door. This time around she would like me to be there with her (and her husband) for her home birth. I couldn't be happier as last time it was "no visitors for at least 2 weeks". A very lively and very lovely 2 year old makes that a little complicated this time Grin

So......I don't want to be doing a last-minute mad dash (I go there quite frequently and the plane is usually packed) but neither do I want to be intruding on them for 2 weeks or more - first grandchild was 2 weeks overdue.

Any clairvoyants out there suggestions? Light-hearted responses are totally fine as I realise that nobody can possibly know the answer.

OP posts:
Kerberos · 10/02/2019 16:54

Genuine question: what's the fish reference about?

For the rest, how feasible would an extended stay closer to your daughter be? But maybe not actually with her?

EffYouSeeKaye · 10/02/2019 16:57

Book at room nearby and shower?

OMGithurts · 10/02/2019 16:57

What are your own personal circumstances and commitments at home? Is it feasible to hire an air b&b for a few weeks around the due date and stay within 30 minutes/an hour of their home?

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lubeybooby · 10/02/2019 16:59

Kerberos I think it's a reference to guests 'going off' after three days... like fish

BertieBotts · 10/02/2019 16:59

Is it possible to go for about a month and stay in an AirBnB? That's what people tend to do here (Am British living in Germany).

There will be a latest date by which her doctors/midwives will start to become uncomfortable with the risks of a home birth. You could time your visit to finish about 3-4 days after that date. That covers the most likely period of her going into labour early and up to that date while giving you a few days to be with her and your grandchild afterwards even if she has to be induced.

Don't assume you can guess from the first child's gestation when she's likely to have the second one. I was 6 days late with DS1 and 6 days early with DS2.

BertieBotts · 10/02/2019 17:01

In fact there will be an earliest date that a home birth is advisable too, where if she goes into labour any earlier she'll be in hospital due to the risks to a premature baby. This may also help you to plan your trip.

Birdie6 · 10/02/2019 17:04

Re the fish - It is truly said that house guests and fish have a common factor. After three days they begin to stink.

Original poster
Ninninannanoonoo · 10/02/2019 17:08

@Kerberos Benjamin Franklin famously said that guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.

I usually stay for 4 or 5 days at a time and I do shower Grin They have no issue with me being there as it helps them out with nursery pick-up and shopping and cooking and cleaning and I love spending time with the toddler. I am just light-heartedly worried about outstaying my welcome (which I know absolutely isn't an issue for them).

OP posts:
Original poster
Ninninannanoonoo · 10/02/2019 17:15

Thanks Bertie - some food for thought there. My daughter is going to have a chat with her midwife who had exactly the same dilemma with her own daughter. It's a long time since my kids were born so I wasn't sure if the 21st century is any better at guesstimating arrival.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 10/02/2019 18:26

Unfortunately not at all Grin

Original poster
Ninninannanoonoo · 10/02/2019 18:34

Thought so Wink

OP posts:
FanSpamTastic · 10/02/2019 18:39

My mum came over from the US for DC1. We planned for her to arrive 2 days before my due date. I expected to have some time with her and for baby to be late.

I got up on the day she was arriving and my waters broke! Had to send DH off to the airport to pick her up! DC1 arrived the next day after a long, slow labour!

FanSpamTastic · 10/02/2019 18:40

Can you buy a flexible ticket - plan to arrive around her due date but then maybe push it back a few days if no signs of anything starting?

Original poster
Ninninannanoonoo · 02/03/2019 12:58

Had a look at a flexible ticket - almost 9 x the price of the flight. OH is a frequent flyer so have juggled around a bit with other plans and got my outbound flight for free. We have settled on me going 4 days before the due date. Here's hoping I can post a lovely, relaxed update in a few weeks rather than regaling you with details of a frantic cross-Europe scramble Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Ninninannanoonoo · 29/03/2019 12:13

So far so good Grin I'm setting off on Thursday (due date is a week on Monday). No sign of anything happening so far, midwife happy for home birth to go ahead.

OP posts:
Skyejuly · 29/03/2019 12:41

Could you visit friends until she needs you there?

runlift · 29/03/2019 12:45

I see you're nearly at the birth now. If it helps at all, I went 11 days over with my son and 9 over with my daughter.

Original poster
Ninninannanoonoo · 29/03/2019 16:18

@Skyejuly I am very much needed to help out with the toddler.

@runlift I have my fingers crossed for 6 days overdue as that would have been my Dad's 100th birthday. He died at 58 so never met any of the younger generations.

I was more worried about going too early, but I think 4 days prior was a good call. There is still the possibility of a last minute dash but I have a clear week now after a few days in the UK with my MIL so it's much less daunting. I'm definitely not your typical MN MIL and there is absolutely no issue with me being there at all. Nursery pick-ups, shopping, cooking and bedtimes are all very much appreciated - although of course I will be on the look out for any casually placed papers about emigrating to the other side of the world or the sudden appearance of the MN "toxic" reading list Wink

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 29/03/2019 16:22

I am very much needed to help out with the toddler.

You don’t need 3 adults to look after 1 2 year old. You honestly don’t.

Johnnysmilkingparlour · 29/03/2019 16:54

You might need 3 adults if one of them is in active labour, one is trying to support her and the third is trying to keep a two year old happy, fed and away from anything that might be a bit frightening or daunting for him/ her.

Original poster
Ninninannanoonoo · 29/03/2019 16:58

Thanks @PotteringAlong. I'll text her and let her know. Mind you she is probably a bit out of breath after struggling up 8 flights of stairs with a toddler whilst almost full term. Is it OK if they call you when she is in the middle of labour at home and the toddler needs a poo/his dinner/taking to nursery? I think she and her partner might be a bit busy.

OP posts:
SummerHouse · 29/03/2019 17:03

I've got this everyone stand down.

Second babies are not usually late. Book your flight for two days before due date. Enjoy your grandchild without the faintest aroma of fish.

Disclaimer: I could be wrong.

Original poster
Ninninannanoonoo · 29/03/2019 17:03

Posted before I saw your comment @Johnnysmilkingparlour Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Ninninannanoonoo · 29/03/2019 17:15

Thanks @SummerHouse. We settled on me going 4 days before and I hope you are right!

OP posts:
Lllot5 · 29/03/2019 19:34

Oh good luck. Send your daughter all best wishes and I’m sure you won’t be fishy at allSmile