I became a grandma at 35 - AMA

[osa20]

Ask me anything😊

Hi osa20
Thanks for this topic.
I've often wondered what I would have felt like in your shoes - I had DC1 at 35 so we're pretty opposite in that sense.
I'm making all sorts of assumptions here, apologies for that, but here goes -
How old were you when you had DC1?
Are you still with the father?
What did your own DPs say - did they stand by you?

Do you feel like you missed out by not having those earlier adult years to yourself?
And do you think that you've suffered in terms of your career & so financially because you had a child when you were young?

Also interested to know how young you were when your child was born? How has having children so young affected both your and your child’s educations?

Do you live together in a multi-generational household?

@RoseyOldCrow you're very welcome! I was hoping it could offer support to a different variety of people (and of course, people are generally curious when they realise!)
I was 19 when I had my DD. She is an only child.
I split with the father when DD was 6. I tried for a long time to make it work for her but in the end it turned out best just the two of us.
My DP's both had their oldest (my older brother) at 16 so they were support. My DM was more supportive than my DF, he was a bit frantic at the idea for a bit.

No, I don't feel like I missed out at all - and I know my DD would the say the same about her little one now. I don't think there's anything more fulfilling (albeit difficult) than being a mum.

I wouldn't lie and say it wasn't difficult financially - it was very difficult, especially when I split with her dad but I wouldn't call it suffering and I wouldn't change anything!

@Madeline18 18 when I got pregnant, 19 was DD was born. I went back into education when DD was 2 and got the qualifications to start my own business.

My DD has always been very academic too and is still pursuing her academic qualifications, although this wasn't a massive priority to me as long as she's to do something that makes her happy!

My friend recently became a grandma at 31, it feels so strange when she is referred to as Nana!

How old is your DD?

@Madeline18 we did live in a multi-generational household for a while (which was lovely!), but we don't anymore!

@VenelopeVonSweetz it is strange to get used to, isn't it? My DD is 18 now.

Very! Especially as she had her 3rd child as her DD had her first.

You sound like a brilliant Mum and Grandparent OP x

Exp’s Mum was 35 when we had our first baby. I’m 32 now and the thought of being a granny in 3 years horrifies me. Although it’s possible as DS is 13 now!

@VenelopeVonSweetz thank you so much!

@IStandWithPosie haha yes, I still don't see myself as a 'granny' yet (even though I technically am)!

Do you feel sad for your daughter? I had DS at 18 and whilst I wouldn't change him for the world, having a baby so young did make life harder - I had to work ten times harder to get my degree, get a good job, get on the property ladder etc as I had a baby in tow as I did it all as opposed to the usual route of uni > career and house > baby. I would be gutted if he came home at 18 and told me his girlfriend was pregnant.

Sorry, that sounds quite rude. I genuinely didn't mean to be - just as a teen mum myself, thinking how hard I would find things if DS became a young parent too.

@pannikin I don't feel sad for my daughter at all (in general). She's the happiest I've ever seen her, running a little home and being an excellent mum. On the few occasions where she has openly struggled with the financial aspect or trying to study I've half wished that I could just take that stress away, but she always gets through any problems she encounters and has overall took to being a mum and juggling everything amazingly!

@pannikin no, not rude at all, don't worry! Both her and I would completely understand where you're coming from with that! There's no denying it's definitely the more difficult way round but it's definitely just as worth it!!

So if you became a grandma at 35, your mum became a great grandma at 51? Is your grandma still alive? Wondering how many generations you have at the same time.

@WerewolfNumber1 my mum would have been 54 as she had me when she was 19 (my older brother when she was 16), but she unfortunately passed away a few years ago. My grandma would've been 92 - she passed away a while ago! It would've been nice to see all those generations at once though!!

Ah, so your gran had your mum quite late, 38?

@Ginger1982 yes, she was 38 (almost 39, I believe), although my mum was the youngest - she'd had 3 other children before my mum, the first at 26!

my mum became a nanna (refused to be called grandma or granny!) at 30, and my nanna (mum’s mum) became a great grandma at 46. me, my mum, and my nanna all had our first baby at 15/16. my mum loves being a young nanna - although every time we were out together when he was little people assumed she was my little boy’s mum and i was his sister!

@sunshineandshowers21 yes - we've had that a few times too! I've found people can definitely be quite rude about it!

I hope this doesn't sound rude but I can't think how to put it. Do you feel ashamed about being such a young gran?

@Sallygoroundthemoon I'm not sure I fully understand your question - ashamed in what sense? Don't worry about being rude at all!!

Ashamed that things went wrong I suppose and you both ended up teen mums. Thanks for allowing me to ask without taking offence. I guess I am quite shocked at such a young grandmother.

@Sallygoroundthemoon It's completely fine - and yes, people usually are, and to see such a young mum with my DD! I'm not ashamed at all, my DD was very much planned despite being 18 (rare, I know)!
I'm definitely not ashamed of my DD getting pregnant young either, in fact I couldn't be more proud of her! She's not 'ashamed' as such either, although she's very conscious of the stigma behind teenage parents and puts a lot of pressure on herself to prove herself to other people.