Grossed out by DH comments on Brand

I don’t imagine anyone’s going to disagree with you.

Does this thick knuckle dragger have any redeeming qualities?

My mother warned me about threads like this.

It's not "technically rape". It IS rape.

So if you understand that your DH is wrong, why do you need other people to confirm this for you.

If you can find anyone who agrees with your DH, ie someone else who doesn't understand what rape is - will that make his opinion any less abhorrent?

Oh god. I think your feelings on this are spot on - your DH is a disgrace.

Unfortunately, there are plenty of men saying the same thing.
Its fucking disgusting.

How would your DH like it - you know- if he was having sex with someone and they anally entered him without his consent him, would he think it was "technically" rape?

Point out to dh that just bc he may have done something in the past that some may perceive as "extreme stuff", it shouldn't mean that it can be assumed he's up for a dildo up his arse.

If my husband tried to rationalise this I would assume he didn’t stop when someone said no tbh.

it doesn’t matter what sexual acts a woman engages in she can say no at any time, it’s abysmal he does not know that, I think he called her out rhe audience she had a threesome back stage and then went to his home with him, but she was clear it was a no and he without doubt raped her and caused her pain and injury, he then treated her terribly after,

so what’s he trying to say. Rapes ok or understandable if the woman has engaged in sexual acts with a man she just met? If she doesn’t do so, it’s more punishable ??

My brother said there was no evidence and Brand was targeted because the establishment wanted to silence him.

We are not close. This is one reason why.

If it were my husband I would be looking at divorce. I couldn't share a home with someone with those views.

I wonder if this o the first time your husband has had these type of views? I wonder if he pulls his weight in the domestic department… probably not

Yeh my husband said something similar and so did my BIL. The problem is men.

I really think a lot of men don’t understand what rape is, they think of it like bad sex. Not a horrifically violating experience where you feel fear and powerlessness and total lack of agency.

Sounds like 'DH' is getting a thrill from rapey thoughts ...how deeply inadequate and weak they are

Has he read about what happened? He flipped her over, removed a condom and raped her badly enough that she sought medical attention. Thats not bad sex.

DH was immediately very pleased that Brand was going to jail and felt the sentence wasn’t long enough. He has always checked in that I was ok during sex, he’s never pressured, forced, or ignored my boundaries.

It’s not that hard to not rape someone.

Someone on here recently mentioned her husband talking about her 'slutty phase' in her early teens. Perhaps it's an idea in mens heads that there is such a thing. Unfortunately now you know the bllx many of them subscribe to.

he agreed that having non consenting anal sex "probably is technically rape

Ask him whether imagining himself on the receiving end of non consenting anal sex with a gay man, makes it any clearer to him whether this is ‘technically’ rape or not.

I think you should show him the excellent speech the (male) judge gave, about how women retain the right to withdraw consent and not to be raped, no matter what they wear, no matter what they drink, and no matter what sex they were having beforehand.

It sounds like this is information your DH needs to hear.

So victim blaming then

I decided to end my 40 year marriage on learning that my H thought it was the fault of an 8yr old girl for looking at a flasher rather than averting her eyes. In a single sex space where there shouldn't have been any males. It was her fault she was traumatised, not his apparently. This wasn't the only reason but it made me realise I did not know the man I'd married, and the bits I did know I no longer liked.

So he thinks anal rape isn't that bad if the woman doesn't fit his definition of a good woman?
The sad thing is he won't be in the minority. This case has really shown how vile many, many men are. Some of the things I've seen flying around on social media have been so disheartening. There was hope this case would turn the tables and make women more able to speak out but the response I've seen from some men has me thinking it would be even harder now.

Your dh is pretty much saying she was a slapper so it doesn't matter.

Thank god he wasn’t on the jury.

When men say things like your H, I always worry they’ve done something like that in the past so would be giving them a very wide berth.

"probably is technically rape"

Then following up that gem by saying because she'd had 'adventurous' sex previously it was no big deal essentially?

I despair that people continue to think like this ... he probably believes husbands can rape their wives either.

I couldn't come back from hearing him say that about a woman being raped.