To think that the problem is not that there aren’t enough good men about

But not fussy enough to rule out someone who'll treat you badly, I think is the OP's point?

Or say 'I shouldn't have to do all of the work' and wait until you meet someone who doesn't require hand holding to dress himself, cook, clean or other basic things.

They are out there, I married one.

Actually yes, we both still give each other feedback . Your tastes change over 30 years, you'd be very lucky if you both happened to still like each other without some communication and compromise.

Absolutely. The air of confidence from misogyny is a facade. Rather than tackle their own insecurities they build their ego by cultivating a derogatory attitude to women. It’s harmful to women and it also fails to solve their root issue.

That was the minimum standard for me. I didn't say take just anyone!

No. Think of all the men who raped Giselle Pelicot. The ones who participated, the ones who walked away, there was not one who reported it to the police. Think of how many men look at child abuse images or have even participated and are not caught.

I am not saying good men do not exist but I do not think there are so many that women are ignoring them as part of a preference. You cannot even truly know you have a good one.

I think lesbian relationships actually have higher rates of domestic violence don’t they? I could be wrong

That doesn't sound like only you doing all of the work though.

I agree.

Most women aren't fussy enough and generally have low standards.

You're allowed to do both, rule out misogynistic men AND men who give you the ick.

Your post is effectively telling women to lower their standards.

That seemed so unlikely to me I looked it up and actually, yes it's true, by a significant margin.

Yes I was surprised as well. I wonder what the logical inference there is. I can’t quite work it out.

No that’s been disproved as the question asked if you have experienced domestic violence. Many lesbians were previously in heterosexual relationships and experienced this then with men.

I don’t want a man that is ‘too nice’ and can’t stand up for himself. (I don’t mean genuine kindness).

Thank you for pointing this out. It is scary that misinterpreted statistics are so widespread.

I never knew that either!

It’s not disproved as such.

43% of lesbian women report domestic abuse, and 35% of heterosexual women.

However:

‘Research tracking same-sex domestic abuse notes that roughly two-thirds to over 80% of abuse reported by lesbian women involves female partners, while a portion may also include past relationships with male partners‘

80% of 43 is 34.4%

So lesbian domestic violence perpetration is the same % as straight male domestic violence perpetration. Within 0.6% anyway

I know this is just about men but personally I know tonnes of really good women and men who have very similarly aligned values and very normal maybe even a little boringly normal lives. Many of them are in very happy, healthy long term relationships.

There are a few of our friends who’ve split who are actually individually nice people but don’t make a good couple and there are a few where obviously one or the other partner is the problem and will continue to be a problem in future relationships.

I also know some deeply, deeply problematic people that go far beyond the pale but they are pretty rare. Out of the hundreds maybe thousands of people Ive met there are 3 men and 2 women I would put into that category across my whole life but we are talking psychopath/sociopath/narcisstic level.

However I do think after a certain phase of life it can be much harder to find a decent partner of either sex because people get snapped up younger and that leaves sometimes even really nice decent people single when they can’t find someone to choose from.

My unpopular opinion, I think there are plenty of good men about, they just get locked down early and so you end up with an increasingly small pool of age adjacent men with an increasing percentage of grotters.

@MrsShawnHatosy

Ick about a man taking a proper bath?
That doesn't bother me. 😁

I don’t take baths, only showers. A man taking a bath would be a turn off. You can’t help what gives you the ick!

People are fussy about who they are intimate with, but from a lot of posts not fussy about who they choose as parents to their children/to build a life with - and settle massively in this regard.

My DH is an absolute king compared to MN standards (does the majority of housework etc) but was single for years before we got together. I’m grateful, but astounded that someone wouldn’t have snapped him up or even settled with him for his positive attributes. But my gain! (I do love and fancy DH, but have left other people I loved and fancied because they didn’t also have similar outlooks on life).

ETA: just read the bath ick. Maybe that was the problem, DH loves a weekend bath, I prefer a shower… mental that that would mean someone rules someone out as a partner (he doesn’t make me bath too!).