AIBU to think I'm not a terrible person for leaving my terminally ill partner?

This. Be honest but keep it dignified. Do his mates not know about the affairs/shagging around?

Not the point but how has an older bloke with 3 kids pulled a 19 year old.

I do not understand what's in it for this young woman.

I'm really sorry you're going through this OP, sending strength. X

Even if he is objectively a POS? If it is the condition that I think it is, it is absolutely tragic for him, I grant you that, but he is the definition of 'you reap what you sow'. You should not get away with treating others with cruelty and then rely on them to sacrifice everything - on top of OP's dignity which he already trampled on repeatedly. He is also clearly unrepentant. He needs to face up to his responsibilities as a human being before the end.

You know, when this situation is dissolved then you really need to work on your self esteem. I don't know how you came to believe that you have so little value that you don't deserve to have boundaries but you cannot repeat this shitstorm.

It might have taken this situation for you to find some inkling of self preservation but now you need to cling to it.and grow it.

He's made a couple of social media posts about his diagnosis, ("sharing awareness" style) mentioning that I've ended the relationship but that he doesn't blame me, as he's about to become a "liability" and can't work anymore. He also made a point of saying that he'll be homeless from the New Year because I've asked him to move out.

I'm not one to air my dirty laundry on FB and generally I loathe it when others do it. However, in this situation I think I'd be breaking my own rule and responding on his posts with:

I'm not abandoning you now because you are about to become a financial liability. You've always been that. I'm abandoning you now because you are a serial shagger and liar who has been using my money to pay your 19 year old girlfriend's rent.

100% this.

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t say something. If you are uncomfortable saying something publicly, then surely you should individually message your friends and say something really factual, and not emotive e.g.

“I am of course sad that Bob has been diagnosed with xxx, but it is not true that this was any part of my decision to end the relationship. On [date] I was contacted by a 19 year old who showed me proof that they have been having an affair and he had proposed to her. He had also been paying her rent for her. This is the fifth affair I have found out about and I cannot stay with him anymore for the sake of my own health and dignity. I do not think public mud slinging is appropriate which is why I am sending you this message and I hope it corrects the record and you and I can remain friends.”

You would be a fool to let him get away with his lies.

"No, Dennis, I kicked you out because you're shagging a teenager."

I'd agree with saying something like this.

I have people on my SM who have posted long diatribes.against their ex and, from the outside it's such an uncomfortable read that the rights and wrongs get a bit lost in the reading. It all becomes a bit 'airing dirty laundry in public'.

However, a woman I dont know particularly well and haven't seen for a while posted something in this vein with dignity and I had the utmost respect and compassion for her.

That is the question. I never understand why women stay with men that cheat.

I’d respond to the posts. Simple paragraph confirming that the reason youve kicked him out is that he was having an affair with a 19yo, and if anyone would like
to see proof of this to DM you.

Fuck the no mudslinging.

I've never advocated this before but in this case I agree. I think at the very least you need to tell your friends the truth, including the age of the young woman. And in all honesty I think I'd comment on his social media posts too. I'd make sure your wording is calm and factual as possible - this will give you a more dignified position.

OP has answered this. The man is an arch-manipulator. He looks elsewhere for no strings sex and all the fun and excitement of lying and deceiving his life partner and everyone else, confident in the knowledge that the OP will pay all the bills and keep him in the lifestyle to which he believes he should be accustomed. When she finds out about his affairs, he tells her she's the most important one, none of the others matter. Of course she is. She has the money. The OP has said she has self-esteem issues. She wanted him to be the man he portrayed himself as. She has now finally understood he never will be. Of course the OP is even more important to this tosser now that he knows he is going to need carers and a lot of financial support for the remaining years of his life, and affairs are not going to be possible. He obviously thought he could use his emotional blackmail skills into getting her to accept yet another betrayal and buckle up for five gruelling years of being his carer and paying for all the professional care he will need. More fool him. The OP has finally grasped that she is worth more than this. Love is a two-way business. The OP's ex-partner hs not fulfilled his side of the contract.

BTW, I do think whatever the OP does or doesn't make public about this scumbag, he's in his late 50s and he's been having an affair with a 19yo. He is old enough to be her grandfather. That one detail alone would surely destroy his reputation in the eyes of his friends if they are decent people.

No. Not 100% this.

The OP has already said they are interspersed with nudes and dick pics.

So she'd be committing a criminal act if she made them public.

And no one else is actually.going to want to see or read them either. I wouldn't. And I'd think less of the person who shared them so its hardly likely to have the desired effect.

Please don't be so passive. You are just going to sit back, let him spread lies about you, and lose your entire friendship circle, because you don't want to tell them something that he has done?

Firstly, I wouldn’t give him until the New Year, I’d give him until December 1st.

Secondly, I’d tell him to kip on the top bunk of the teenager he’s shagging.

Thirdly, I would comment on his social media posts. ‘It’s great you’re raising awareness of this terrible disease - but I want to make it VERY clear that I am not ending our relationship because of your diagnosis. I am ending it because you have been having sex with a 19 year old. This is your 7th affair in 5 years. I wish you nothing but the best.

I wouldn’t have him in my home one night after finding out that he was shagging a 19yr old and I would be correcting his version of events regarding his social media post. Seems like his illness has affected his memory!

Nope.

He is a man in his late 50’s, shagging a 19 year old. Frankly I think it looks worse if she stayed with him!

I think you might need to do 2 things: 1. Seeing as he has cast you in a bad light regarding the ending of the relationship, create your own frank post detailing all the awful infidelity and financial abuse. Include the age of the latest one and that he was paying her rent while cocklodging with you. Also copy your post in a comment on his.

1. Given what he has now caused in terms of you being subjected to vicious reactions he has to leave now. Not January. Today. Perhaps one of those being vicious can take him in. Or the 19 year old?

You do not owe this prick anything.

If you don't want to tell everyone what happened, simply reply to his social media messages with something along the lines that you're really sorry that he is unwell, but he knows that's not the reason you have ended the relationship. I very much doubt his friends are quite as oblivious to his behaviour as you think.

@Moveoverdarlin “Firstly, I wouldn’t give him until the New Year, I’d give him until December 1st.”

I would’ve wanted him out the house immediately. There is no way I could have continued living with him.

I would post the pohotos.
Blur out the womans face if you must.

No idea what's going on there with the bullet point thing! Editing seems to have taken on a mind of its own when commenting on here recently. Sorry!

You're right.

I was being a bit facetious because I was outraged for the OP.

However I do think, OP, With love, you need to work on your self-respect and aelf esteem. Why does your worth and value depend on how you look?

You have value and worth because you are a human being and, by all accounts, a kind and generous one. You are also dignified, which I respect but as others have pointed out, you can remain dignified whilst also respecting yourself enough to correct this narrative.

He does not get to utterly trample over your heart and boundaries and then take away your social capital by making out that you have ended things due to his diagnosis. That is not OK.

Please respond to each and every post of his with one of the dignified, minimal posts correcting facts and inviting others to c9ntact you id they need to see proof.

He has used you. Abused your kindness and your love. He does not get to take your status, social capital, network and n respect. Do not let him.

You are a valuable human being. Value yourself.

Share the messages from his latest fuxk piece on your social media and directly with his family, then kick him out immediately