My teenage son and his attitude to my relationship

This is a far bigger issue than you having a boyfriend.

Some children cannot cope with their (mother) parents having a life that doesn’t revolve around them.

What he means is “how can you be happy if I am not?”.

It isn’t really about you, it is all projecting his own unhappiness and making it your fault.

He is "controlling your life" and lashing out because he feels ignored and abandoned. It's not great to leave a child parentless overnight every week to spend it with a man. Love of your life versus sick to death of child. Siblings are not substitute parents.

Occasionally if they are comfortable with it? Of course. Every week when they have made it clear they're not ok with the situation, no.

16 is still a child. I wouldn't spend half the weekend away from mine, especially if I knew he struggled with maintaining a social life of his own. What are you doing to investigate why he doesn't do much and seems so clingy to you? And how are supporting him with this?

I'm not saying you have to be single forever, but at 16 I would absolutely still be prioritising him over a romantic relationship.

You see the behaviour of a two year old as controlling?

I can’t believe some of these replies, he’s 16 not 6.
I moved out at 16 and became a mother myself.
Stop infantilising him and let him grow up and stop letting him dictate your life.

If it was occasionally then I’d thinks it’s okay but every weekend you’re leaving your dc. Mine (twins) are 15 and year 11 at school. They still really need parents at this age - you don’t need to do much other than be around for reassurance. Sounds like you’re done with parenting but you need to step up for another 18 months. They develop fast between 16 and 18 but it varies. Dd1 really became much more independent from 18 and it was sudden. Your son is telling you he still needs you around.

These comments are crazy, I had my own house at 16!! Why should she have a man overnight in her house presumably having sex not for a tea party, nice to know people are comfortable with having sex when their teens could potentially hear

Your experience of being 16 is not the norm so let’s not pretend it is. Mum going away every weekend leaving ds with his siblings who he doesn’t really like is not the same as you choosing to move out and have a baby at 16. You made that choice.

I was living on my own at 16.

Your youngest isn’t grown yet. Just because your other children are adults, doesn’t mean your youngest is ready to be independent.

I’ve seen it before with the youngest getting rushed out because the parent is tired of the responsibility. It shouldn’t work that way.

He sounds very anxious @creatorcure and his Dad doesn't bother with him so he's clinging to you. It must be very intense, and I can understand why you want to have some time for yourself.

Is there any possibility that he could have some counselling for anxiety?

Your choice or your mum’s?

seems like many on this thread lived alone by 16 yet statistically that is very far from the norm. I wonder how old everyone claiming to have moved out at 16 is because I do not know one 16 year old living like that (my dc are 15-18 so I know a lot of teens).

OP I think you are fine being away when you are, especially as there are older siblings there.
that’s not the issue though (although the MN pearl clutchers think 16 is 6 now, think people forget that - lot of kids are not far off living alone at that age for uni or are working, but I also digress)
The relationship isn’t the issue, your time away isn’t the issue, the dynamic between you and son is
I don’t have any magical answers, but I do think you need to reassure him that you are his mum, you will always love him and want to spend time with him, but you are also allowed and deserve friendships and relationships like he is, and that you will not continue to be disrespected in your own home like this. Stand your ground.

Hi OP

I think you should delete your post and start a new one with all the details in as people will just reply to the first without reading your updates.

This isn't about a boy who is worried about his mum dating. This is about a boy who is showing abusive and controlling behaviour towards you and your family, who needs help but is refusing to engage, and his behaviour around you staying out for the night is a symptom of this rather than the cause

@creatorcure much as he needs to feel secure, I don’t think it is right to allow him to control you. I think that would teach him he can do what he wants. Have you talked with him when he is not angry? Or reassured him that if he ever really needs you, you will always be there if you can be?

I was thrown out when I had just turned 16. Paid my own bills etc but I was so very vulnerable. It took years for me to forgive my parents. I have two children of my own now and would never ever want them to struggle like I did.

I really feel for ops son. She sounds like she just wants her man at this point.

I moved out in the 90s at 16 my husband was 16 when he moved out so were many of my friends, it really isn’t at all unusual.

It's not an ideal situation and I think it's a bit rough if you never get a full weekend with your kids. But your son's behaviour is unacceptable. Could you put your phone on DND with your other sons being able to break through the DND or having your partner's number in case of emergency? Maybe every other weekend?