Should I do both bedtimes

Has DH tried magnesium glycinate? It’s the only thing that helps me get back to sleep after night wakes with DS. I’m normally an “up for the night” person but it’s been a dream supplement for me.

My elder is ND and my younger is NT and I had the same thought - I had no idea how easy it could be. Of course my son has his own things and of course there are challenges, but there are consistencies that are possible with an NT child and a clear direction of travel whereas my daughter is still something we are figuring out (and she's 13). She's not a great sleeper still but now she just gets up and reads for a bit etc. She still comes into my bed now and again and she still needs a lot more support than most teenagers probably do (I think! I don't really know)

Anyway, I think I'd focus on figuring out how to help your toddler and support your autistic child in other ways. Sleeping is a tricky thing for most (melatonin didn't work for us but it's worked for a lot of people we know so worth chatting to your GP about it. Definitely do it legally of course)

I will never forget DH coming downstairs after changing and dressing baby DD and saying to me, "Have you noticed how she doesn't cry when you pull her clothes over her head?". And I had.

We had NO idea how competely abnormal so many of DS' responses were because we'd had no previous experience. And when other people saw them, they always just assumed it was a once off or a bad moment or that he'd "grow out of it".

I thin probably one of the few times my sister actually "got" the challenges with DS was when she babysat him once and he had a night terror. She'd never experienced anything like it and was clearly quite traumatised by the entire experience - and couldn't fall back on her not officially stated but we all knew view that we were jst not doing things right.

I don't have any experience with ND children but do have some of non sleeping kids - my now 11 yr old didn't sleep a full night until he was 6 and even now he needs someone sitting with him to go to sleep.

Before anyone says that we should knock it on the head, try being in the situation yourself knowing your child needs you for comfort, security and feeling safe.

Anyway the one thing we've found really helpful and we're down to only having to be in the room 30 mins now are audio books. We started with Mrs Honeybee on YouTube which are meditation sleep stories but then we now listen to the same five actual audio books on repeat on rotation. They're chapter books, so quite long. My ds is word perfect on them but it's familiar and he just switches off as the narrator has a slow soothing voice..

My DH falls asleep on his nights but I make sure I listen to podcasts or something to keep me awake.

Good luck and I hope you all get some sleep soon.

''An no, I don’t have an ND child. It’s a new thing that didn’t exist in my era of children.''

I'm never failed to be amazed about the absolute shit some people come out with on here and how unhelpful and downright ignorant some people can be.

I'm glad you dont have a ND child because god help them with your attitude.

Sorry OP, no advise, same boat though - 10 year old ND who also needs someone to co-sleep, luckily, other child is self sufficient so I'm only needed in one place at one time.

It's much safer being sleep deprived with children than driving a car. I changed my job so I could walk in instead of a motorway drive. The worst thing that happened when I was exhausted was making mistakes at work, forgetting things and being miserable. Far better than a car accident.

i sleep with my ND daughter as she can’t sleep alone. She also needs melatonin otherwise she’s just awake for hours/wakes at the slightest noise. I’d try your husband sleeping with son in main bed and you do DD bedtime and then sleep in sons bed?

Controversial maybe but DS going to bed quite late actually works pretty well in a way. With a proper bed and late bedtime your husband still gets some semblance of an evening and would have a decent chance of sleeping through.

I wouldn't get too elaborate in the bed arrangements. A standard double bed would give enough space for DH now and if it gets a little cramped as DS goes into puberty and starts wanting his own space more, maybe that is no bad thing. I think DH does need to retain his space in your bed too though.

It's not forever, and it'll probably change when you least expect it.

I might be missing the point, but why can’t DH just cosleep with DS? 11-7am is a normal adult sleep time, so that should work and be enough for him to then go to work? Why is he waking up at 2am unable to sleep again? Would this happen if he was in bed with you?

Yes it’s not ideal but it might be the reality of a ND child for now.

Then (temporarily) you sleep in there and DH and DS sleep in your room - not ideal, but might get you to a better place with the toddler and then you can shuffle things round (bunk bed? trundle bed?)

ND kids often struggle with sleep. As the parent of one who struggles with sleep even as an older teen I'd move beds around so your DH or you can sleep in with your son and get a good night's sleep long term. It's worth the up front investment of time. You'll all feel better if DH is getting a good night's sleep.

I have said it’s a new phenomenon so I don’t have any experience of it. Why is that ignorant?

I can talk from experience and that is routine and expectation and building resilience for life.

Could they take your bed? Could the three of you sleep in it together, or you switch into DS’s bed?

Is there room for a second bed in DD’s room?

Because it’s not a new phenomenon - it’s just now better labelled.

I’m certain the girl I was at school with 30 years ago who we all avoided touching was probably ND but we weren’t able to articulate it at the time - she was just different so everyone avoided her.

And my grandad’s brother who barely leaves his house, never moved out from his parents and is a hoarder would almost certainly be called ND if he was in school now. I can imagine my great grandma shared a bed with him until he was in his teens.

I’m glad for these people that there are diagnoses and tools now.

Yeah, I agree with this. DH needs to grow up and manage his own sleep effectively. It’s not impossible to stay awake during a child’s bedtime.

That's not what you said at all - you said it 'didn't exist', which I, and I'm sure the OP and many other people, read as a sneery, eye-rolling comment.

I’m clearly older than you so not that girl. I’d almost certainly be labelled with countless terms if I was at school now, that hasn’t stopped me doing anything, being successful or using it as a reason to avoid things. If anything it’s made me more determined to prove everyone wrong.

How many days in a row has your DH tried to put DD to bed? She just needs to adjust to it being him rather than her - and he needs to work out a strategy that doesn't involve him going for a walk.

If you then take over with your DS perhaps you can try to wean him off needing an adult present in order to settle

Gah, sorry you’re having such unhelpful responses.
We have similar issues and we have a superking and single bed pushed together in our bedroom and then I sleep in the middle of both children. When dd was younger we had a cosleeper cot, then toddler bed. It’s not ideal long term I guess but at least everyone sleeps

You may well be older than me. I’d bet actual money that you’re not older than my grandads brother, who we all definitely wished was capable of doing better for himself as you have. He can barely read and write and would struggle to even speak to someone outside the family.

But if you want to believe it’s because he didn’t try hard enough, you do you boo.