Parents faking poverty and not buying dc gifts

I'm sorry you are being treated this way by your family. I would be removing myself from their orbit and building other social groups for you and your children. I would also suggest that as your parents have instigated a no gifts regime, that should be reciprocal.

Ive seen families exactly like this.

The question you have to ask yourself is
"Do I need to keep going back for more of the same?"

You asked them what was going on and instead of telling you, the accused you of being money grabbing. They will never change. I was sad to read that your sisters are also following suit.

Sad though it is for you @FakeFinances they have been out of contact to punish you (for pointing out that they were punishing your DC) for the last three months. Don't chase them. Don't keep going back for more.

Spend the money you would have spent on them this Christmas on YOUR DC... make it up to them. I wouldn't tell them too much but make your own family traditions. You might find it a comfort to reflect on the fact that YOU would never treat your children like that, so you are a much better parent than they ever had been .

Let's face it, they know this behaviour is unpleasant. Its consciously unequal. Probably gives them bit of a kick to inflict that kind of hurt.
You don't need this in your life. You have your DH and your DC that's the most important thing in the world to focus on .
Life is too short to let people keep hurting you like this. Spend time with people who treat you well.

This is sad, I understand why this would be hurtful. Do you think one of your sisters may have said some untruths about you? I agree with PP in that you need to directly ask them what has happened 6 years ago. Call them up and ask on the spot.

You might consider entertaining yourself by taking a cake every time you go, and loudly saying "you told me you couldn't afford cake so I've brought you one. "

Especially in front of other visitors.

Can you quietly do a DNA test? People see what they want to see; doesn't mean it's actually 'there' ... and this could explain the differential treatment. Which is horrible by the way. Your parents are awful, and so are your siblings for enjoying their side of it.

It sounds like a family label they've applied at some point - you care about money so best to withold it. No logic will impact it.

The other option is 6 years ago another relative -sister started- stiring - and this is the result.

Most likley this is a long standing pattern who notcie much more as it's your kids afffected - we tend to have great tolerance when it's ourselves and make more excuses.

I suspect your kids already know they are not favour DGC- I think less they are in their orbit and that shoved in their faces better TBH. It's partly why I was pleased to move away from my family - it's a fact that has little impact on them - less so than us - me and siblings - who got to hear about it every week.

Where does it say that they provide regular childcare for the OP? They took the DC out on ONE occasion and then presented her with an invoice because they decided to fill up her car with petrol, despite it being unnecessary.

I could write a book about my ex husband's family. Weirdest people on planet earth 😁

Whatever reasons everyone is trying to come up with make no sense as if there was a valid reason, Op's parents could have told her that! instead, they weirdly lie. Which makes me think they themselves know their reason is bonkers and they prefer to hide it.

Exactly. A normal, functional family would have communicated, not played favourites in such a hurtful way, even to the extent of involving the grandchildren, and pitting the sisters against each other.
I think this has been a long standing dynamic and the OP has only really noticed it since having her own DC. She is better off far away from them!

What age are the children?

To be honest the ages of children is irrelevant. I'd be focusing on finding out why op is being excluded in everything and the real reason they couldn't even afford a cheap cake or a packet of biscuits, and feigned shock saying I didn't know things were financially bad for them? Why is that? Too many holidays? 🙄😁

So something changed 6 years ago that made them act like they think you have lots of money compared to them.

Could there be a future inheritance coming your way from another relative that they found out about and are not happy about?

Do your inlaws have a lot of money or give the impression of having a lot of money?

Could they be under the misguided impression that you won the lottery or somehow came into money that they think you're keeping hidden from them?

There is a misunderstanding of some sort behind it. The way that they have handled is so awful that I think your kids might be better off without their influence anyway.

Could you not be your mums biological child potentially? An affair baby maybe that she accepted enough to raise but reminds her of past events?

I only suggest as it sounds so bizarre that they would treat you this way for no reason. Not doubting your recollection at all, I just don't understand why parents would treat their children so differently.

Really sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you are honestly better off without them, as painful as it may be

@FakeFinances Are you slightly closer to one of your sisters? Could you have a chat with her?

Basically you are going to have to a chat if you want to find out anymore. I would work out the framing of it as you don't want to get them defensive.

It does seem like pretty shit behaviour.

The lack of presents would not bother me provided it was fair. If my parents were telling me about cruises I'd be chuffed for them. I would not however listen to their tales of financial woe. In my family we would say don't be so tight!! They do not sound very pleasant. I'd be keeping my distance.

Just checking your children haven’t reached a significant age milestone while their cousins are still young? Some families stop gifts at (12, 16, 18).

They don’t think you’ve secretly won the lottery but not shared, do they?

Just checking your children haven’t reached a significant age milestone while their cousins are still young? Some families stop gifts at (12, 16, 18).

As PP say if this was the case surely they'd just say that not lie and get snippy about money.

It sounds more like a family dynamic that's stuck and doesn't really have explainable logic as such as PP have suggested.

This is all absolutely bizarre! Don’t usually say this but I think low to no contact is the answer. Leave them all to their meaness together.

If they think you are after their money you can’t win. Cut down contact. If they aren’t buying you your family gifts are you still buying them.. maybe spend less. Unfortunately people do treat other people differently but you can choose how much you want to get involved in their drama.

Are your children older ? Left school kind of age?

I can relate to this situation. I lived it.

Me and my two brothers. All with children. All with houses. All working full time.

Only my children never got presents. I mean sometimes not even a birthday card. The odd card with a £10 in. Cancelled visits (250mls away) at last minute. Zero help throughout the years.

Brothers children all got big presents. We once went around to a brothers house and my children were astonished by the presents from the GP's. It didnt stop there. Car as a gift. Motorbike for the other. Help with house improvements like windows & doors.

Both since passed away and i got 1/3rd inheritance but i always had a feeling they were going to do something un fair with that. I just wish they had made everything fair while they were here.

I doubt whether this has just appeared from nowhere, although they are a bit strange not to talk to you about the reason.

Is it possible one of your kids repeated a conversation you had behind closed doors to them that didn't paint them in a very flattering light ?

The other possibilities are that they overheard a conversation you had about them that was meant to be private, or one of your siblings made some stuff up.

If it were me I would definitely confront them and see what they have to say. At least you will then be able to put your perspective across, and if that doesn't resolve the situation you can at least choose to go NC if you wish knowing you have tried to resolve it.

Yanbu as they're doing it for all other grandkids just not your kids. That's horrible. I'd remain NC with them even if they try to talk again.

this is crazy. have you any idea why?