Parents faking poverty and not buying dc gifts

This is very sad. Whatever their issue is with you (and it seems that there is definitely something), I don't understand how a grandparent could relentlessly favor some grandchildren over others. They must be heartless to stubbornly stick to this!

Clearly, money is not an issue, so making comments about not having the means to buy cake to go with tea is just pathetic. Giving an invoice for a day out with their grandchildren is shockingly petty.

As you can't seem to draw attention to their hypocrisy without them making it all about money, I think you need to tell them that they are hurting your children's feelings. It's really incredibly sad that your parents would choose to punish their grandchildren by proxy when they are clearly upset with you!

I would protect my children from them at this point.

Honestly, I'd rather have no relationship with my parents than see them treating my children so differently to their cousins. Have your children noticed yet?

If you wanted to, you could write them a letter explaining that you don't care whether they buy your children presents, but don't want a relationship unless they commit to treating all their grandchildren equally. Or just leave them to it.

This…

And they took it out on her children instead of addressing it like an adult would

Pretty simple, you've said or done something to upset them.

How mean, I’d be very bitter about that!

Just bin them off. You don’t want their shit rubbing off on your children.

They have favourites - you held the mirror up to them and they dot like the ugly reflection so they’ve made you the problem. Were you always the scapegoat?

They’re vile and toxic. You and your children deserve a life without them in it

this is crazy. have you any idea why?

Yanbu as they're doing it for all other grandkids just not your kids. That's horrible. I'd remain NC with them even if they try to talk again.

I doubt whether this has just appeared from nowhere, although they are a bit strange not to talk to you about the reason.

Is it possible one of your kids repeated a conversation you had behind closed doors to them that didn't paint them in a very flattering light ?

The other possibilities are that they overheard a conversation you had about them that was meant to be private, or one of your siblings made some stuff up.

If it were me I would definitely confront them and see what they have to say. At least you will then be able to put your perspective across, and if that doesn't resolve the situation you can at least choose to go NC if you wish knowing you have tried to resolve it.

I can relate to this situation. I lived it.

Me and my two brothers. All with children. All with houses. All working full time.

Only my children never got presents. I mean sometimes not even a birthday card. The odd card with a £10 in. Cancelled visits (250mls away) at last minute. Zero help throughout the years.

Brothers children all got big presents. We once went around to a brothers house and my children were astonished by the presents from the GP's. It didnt stop there. Car as a gift. Motorbike for the other. Help with house improvements like windows & doors.

Both since passed away and i got 1/3rd inheritance but i always had a feeling they were going to do something un fair with that. I just wish they had made everything fair while they were here.

Are your children older ? Left school kind of age?

If they think you are after their money you can’t win. Cut down contact. If they aren’t buying you your family gifts are you still buying them.. maybe spend less. Unfortunately people do treat other people differently but you can choose how much you want to get involved in their drama.

This is all absolutely bizarre! Don’t usually say this but I think low to no contact is the answer. Leave them all to their meaness together.

Just checking your children haven’t reached a significant age milestone while their cousins are still young? Some families stop gifts at (12, 16, 18).

As PP say if this was the case surely they'd just say that not lie and get snippy about money.

It sounds more like a family dynamic that's stuck and doesn't really have explainable logic as such as PP have suggested.

Just checking your children haven’t reached a significant age milestone while their cousins are still young? Some families stop gifts at (12, 16, 18).

They don’t think you’ve secretly won the lottery but not shared, do they?

The lack of presents would not bother me provided it was fair. If my parents were telling me about cruises I'd be chuffed for them. I would not however listen to their tales of financial woe. In my family we would say don't be so tight!! They do not sound very pleasant. I'd be keeping my distance.

@FakeFinances Are you slightly closer to one of your sisters? Could you have a chat with her?

Basically you are going to have to a chat if you want to find out anymore. I would work out the framing of it as you don't want to get them defensive.

It does seem like pretty shit behaviour.

Could you not be your mums biological child potentially? An affair baby maybe that she accepted enough to raise but reminds her of past events?

I only suggest as it sounds so bizarre that they would treat you this way for no reason. Not doubting your recollection at all, I just don't understand why parents would treat their children so differently.

Really sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you are honestly better off without them, as painful as it may be

So something changed 6 years ago that made them act like they think you have lots of money compared to them.

Could there be a future inheritance coming your way from another relative that they found out about and are not happy about?

Do your inlaws have a lot of money or give the impression of having a lot of money?

Could they be under the misguided impression that you won the lottery or somehow came into money that they think you're keeping hidden from them?

There is a misunderstanding of some sort behind it. The way that they have handled is so awful that I think your kids might be better off without their influence anyway.

To be honest the ages of children is irrelevant. I'd be focusing on finding out why op is being excluded in everything and the real reason they couldn't even afford a cheap cake or a packet of biscuits, and feigned shock saying I didn't know things were financially bad for them? Why is that? Too many holidays? 🙄😁

What age are the children?

Exactly. A normal, functional family would have communicated, not played favourites in such a hurtful way, even to the extent of involving the grandchildren, and pitting the sisters against each other.
I think this has been a long standing dynamic and the OP has only really noticed it since having her own DC. She is better off far away from them!

Whatever reasons everyone is trying to come up with make no sense as if there was a valid reason, Op's parents could have told her that! instead, they weirdly lie. Which makes me think they themselves know their reason is bonkers and they prefer to hide it.

I could write a book about my ex husband's family. Weirdest people on planet earth 😁