To ask how you got over a close (or even best) friend ghosting you

My best friend of 30 years dumped me, not completely ghosted, belatedly told me some version of why-- not the full truth though, for sure. The pain of that loss will be with me forever, and I will never have another really close friend. We went through several lifetimes together, and our children were born and grew up together; we knew the minutae of one another's lives, the significance of all the little insignificant things.

Coming to terms with this has really changed me- I don't confide in people and don't have anyone I really turn to, and I will never have that comfort again.

I think the fact that she knew me so very well and, in the end, didn't like me enough to hold onto our friendship gave a huge blow to my sense of my own value. If I could give one piece of advice it would be not to let that happen to you- try to realise that the rejection is probably about her own internal life, and nothing to do with you.

I am sorry for your pain.

I'd go with this.

I had a friend of 12 years ghost me - well, not entirely, she'd still turn up to social things I arranged for our social group (we all had DCs in school together) but the one-on-one meet-ups stopped.

It hurt badly. Especially as the social group expected me to still include her in e.g. the summer BBQ ( and I would, and she'd turn up - then back to her ghosting me).

For her, I think it was a situational friendship, and her circumstances had changed and she didn't need me any more, or have the time.

It hurt badly, though.

It took me a few years to accept, absorb and move on. But, 12 years on, I still miss what I though was a good friendship.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this because it hurts.

Typos and minor finessing.

My best friend from childhood stopped speaking to me in our 30s. Has been nearly 10 years and I don't know why. It still hurts.

It seems to be a common theme for friendships to break down in your 40s. Has certainly happened to me.

I’ve dropped the rope on two friendships over the years when I realised I was putting all the effort in - everything was instigated by me. Both times I stopped calling and texting and that was it! Never heard from either ever again. Years ago now.

It's happened to me and I don't think I've truly gotten over it yet, decades later; the experience changed me and I can't go back to who I was before. I have reconciled with what happened and I bear no ill will but I do still feel sadness for the loss.

I think the truth is that we never truly know what is going on in someone else's life or inside their head however much we think we do. There could be a million different reasons someone decides they dont want to be friends anymore. And there are a lot of friendships I think where one person is happy and thinks everything is ok, and the other person never was as happy and into it but just went along with it. Same in romantic relationships. It's always horrible when it happens, but not uncommon sadly. I certaonly noticed that after the pandemic some of my friendships that I'd had for years seemed to lose their momentum and I gave no real sense of why......aging, illness and general lack of energy can definitely play a part too..And finances !!

So I have actually been the ghoster in a situation like this. Basically, always felt like she saw me as a secondary character in her life. In the last year of our friendship I remember travelling 3 hours to visit her only to have her talk about herself and her life all night. When I tried to talk about something it was quickly moved on from.

It culminated one Christmas when we (mainly me) tried to arrange a get together and the one time she said she was available was the time I had something on that was not movable in anyway. She didn't reply to my message saying I couldn't do it, then randomly deleted me from all social media platforms. In that moment I decided I could not be bothered with her shit anymore. She seemed to give me the silent treatment for a few weeks (typical for her) then text me as if nothing happened and I just never replied as I simply didn't care anymore.

As someone else said, it’s like a bereavement. The grieving, sadness, frustration, confusion and anger. But different in that you never know why you’ve been ghosted. The only thing that’s helped is the passage of time and creating and maintaining other relationships. I could never bring myself to ghost anyone unless it was because I was at serious risk of being harmed, or that person had done something so heinous that I wouldn’t want anything to do with them.

This is happening to me now - it was unexpected though I suppose it was half expected we would know the reason and it might be so upsetting ! I hadn't heard the term fake ghosting before but now I realise that's what it is. It was a close friendship of over 18 years but now all I get are occasional fake coffee invites - which I reply to with a wide range of possible days/times then nothing back just radio silence. This has happened several times over the last year. We met for a reason though and the season has ended, I thought I might see less of her - but not go down to zero so quickly. I don't know what the answer is really as it knocks your confidence and makes you see the whole 'friendship' in a different way and it impacts on your memories.

You could still get in touch now and tell her.

Yeah. It was someone I really liked. I was always happy after spending time with her. We met through kids and were friends for about 10 years. I thought she was a great friend but when my husband was seriously ill with cancer she wasn't very interested or there for me. At the same time a woman who I knew well but didn't trust or like, someone I thought of as a gossip and social climber, befriended her. Their friendship got very intense very quickly. The other woman, who was my neighbour, made a point of telling me what great friends they now were and always made sure I knew about the things they were doing together that I wasn't invited to, and even the WhatsApp secondary groups.i wasn't in. I kept quiet and thought my friend would see through her eventually. But she didn't. She ditched me..didn't want to do anything with me. I did try quite a few times. It wasn't a total ghost it was one where she'd say oh yes let's meet up but never had any intentions of doing so. I gave up eventually. It's 10 years ago now. They are still great mates.so the problem was definitely me! I am ok about it now. It did hurt for a long time but im now alright. I have got friends again and I like me and I accept me and being drama free is nice.

It was situational for her, 100%. I fucking loved her.

Grieve and then put anything that reminds you of her in the skip. Those skip trips were soothing 😂

I got over it quite quickly because I realised it hadn’t been right for ages and both of them had been actively unpleasant to me for a while. I also realised I had been censoring myself, walking on eggshells for a while because just about everything I said or did seemed to piss them off. That’s not a real friendship, the minute I feel I’m not truly being myself with someone now, I back away.

Try and focus on feeling relieved and ‘free’ from a friendship with someone who secretly stopped liking, respecting, and valuing you. Try and take control, remove all trace of them from your life and get out there and make new friends. There must’ve been some signs before the ghosting? (Although I know occasionally there isn’t), like not putting as much effort into the friendship, letting you down etc, and that must’ve made you feel rubbish, so try and feel grateful you don’t have to deal with that horrible feeling anymore. I ghosted one of my closest friends before she could ghost me and it’s made me feel so much happier and freer. I realised I’d started making all the effort eg. It was always me asking to meet up, she never came to where I lived, I always had to go to her. I started to realise I wasn’t as important to her as she was to me and that really hurt. The only way to get rid of that hurt was to remove her from my life, there was no point in talking to her about it, she wasn’t going to change, and why should I be the one to bring it up when I hadn’t done anything wrong? The nail in the coffin came when I found out she’d invited all our mutual friends to her engagement party but hadn’t invited me. I blocked her on everything and never looked back. I feel much happier now than I did with a rubbish friend in my life

That's horrific.

ETA that I mean what she did to you is horrific. I'm sorry.

I happened to me 23 years ago. I got dumped by my two closest friends. Three’s a crowd and all that. They went on to have amazing lives. I have Stage 4 cancer and my entire family are dead. One of them messaged me on Facebook on behalf of her mother when she heard I had cancer. I gave her my number as her mum wanted to get in touch with me. Her mum and I are in regular contact now but I’ve blocked my ex friend on Facebook.

A friend ghosted me, but simultaneously ghosted almost every one of her friends. I think it was her DH's doing. Twenty five years ago now. But I do still miss her as she was my bestie for several years.

My old best friend never contacts me and i gave up years ago trying to arrange to see her as she always had an.excuse,.,she seems very jeolous of my life which is mad as on.paper.she has the lovely life and i.dont,...i can.only assume she isnt happy, the last time i saw her was.2 years ago at xmas and we went out for a meal.i organised and she said look at my new expensive car and after 1.5 hours at 9.30 she wanted to.go.home,..i know i.wont.see her again its weird

I've been there and it hurts like hell. She felt like my twin. I got sick of stuff not being reciprocated and at times it almost felt like an unrequited crush - waiting for her to message me etc. ridiculous but she held the power and did it to me a couple of times over a few years. The last time, I called her out on it and we never recovered. I cried a lot. But I don't cry over anyone twice so won't ever give her the chance to do that to me again.

It hurts like the end of any relationship but female friendship break ups dont really get talked about.

Been dumped like this once, and have dumped someone like this once.

Ghosted by a long term friend who couldn’t cope with my success. We were always such hard workers at school, wanted to escape our roots and she resented it when she perceived I’d made it. I wouldn’t have actually said I’d done much more than her, save move away, but she was obviously uncomfortable. I extended an olive branch and still invited her to our wedding. Didn’t come and that was the end. I’ve since found out she has had her mental health troubles, but I don’t think that’s a reason/excuse really. I see the odd thing on FB and would always want her to be happy and do well, but it was tantamount to a break up and was hard to recover from for a while. It was almost embarrassing to think I’d been binned off! There’s an irony as she met her now DH through me. Would literally never have had the life she has now if it weren’t for someone I knew bringing a friend along from overseas one day.

Second situation - her child abused mine. That was the end. There was no coming back.

I got quietly dumped by a group of friends I considered really close (met up regularly from late pregnancy until kids were about 10, went camping together etc). They all just stopped replying, or started making excuses whenever I suggested meeting. And eventually I gave up trying and thought the whole group had fallen apart. Only to see photos on FB of the other 3 at one's 50th birthday party, which I knew nothing about until that moment.

No idea what I did wrong, we never argued or had any falling out. Still hurts a bit but I've focussed on other friendships and my family.

Isn’t it far more likely the first friendship ended because of her MH problems of which you were seemingly unaware than because she harboured some kind of disabling jealousy of your life?

Happening to me now - it’s really hurtful 😔

I have had it happen with 3 friends but 1 hit harder than the other. I was mid 20s and myself and another friend from our group were living in another part of the country. A few week prior she said she didn't want to be friends with the other friend and wanted me to tell her, I refused and told her to talk about it with her. Then she she did the same to me with other friend and I found out when I said I need to call her for a catch up. I was heartbroken but looking back being her friend was hardwork and from our mutual friend it still can be. Our lives took vastly different directions and I could fondly catch up with her but would never want to be friends again.
The other 2 had mental health issues and dealt with life by pushing away. My mental health was starting to take a hit and there isn't a certain relief that they ghosted me.