To say “anxiety” is just low self esteem and confidence.

If I say I can't do something because of anxiety it has zero to do with self esteem, confidence or laziness. I have missed quite a few weddings, events and even struggled with attending work at times because of anxiety, but you wouldn't know it if you worked with me, and as a result I have been disbelieved by some former colleagues and quaintances.

I am an otherwise confident and outgoing person who suffers from cptsd and sometimes things are too much for me, in particular when I've been working through difficult things in therapy.

When I'm triggered and struggling with anxiety, which sometimes comes on like an "attack" then there's not much I can do about it until it passes. (This is not the same as a panic attack.) That can be days, weeks, even months.

I come across as strong, confident and very capable, but there are some things outside of my control and uncontrollable anxiety is one of them. Meds never worked for me and the side effects were horrible.

I won't go into gory detail but sorry, YABU and have no idea what clinical anxiety really is.

Do some people use it as an excuse? Quite possibly, but that doesn't mean your assertion is in any way correct.

No that isn’t only what it means.

Being in a state of high anxiety is terrible. It’s exhausting, debilitating and the stressed state affects your muscles so that it hurts to breathe. Having adrenaline surging through your body is no joke. You can’t eat and cooking or shopping for the family is a massive task. You live in a state of dread that you will be triggered at any time by whatever it is that has caused the anxiety. It’s a physical state.

You have obviously never experienced this state OP. I hope you never do.

But you are wrong to minimise it.

Id say you really don't have a clue. My DS age 14 has dehibilating anxiety and cannot attend any of the things he previously attended. He cant go to school, he cant go shopping, he cant go on public transport..... its certainly not low self esteem and 'I cant do that' as he certainly does want to do it, but anxiety is preventing him

How awful for your poor DS. The ignorant folk on here have no idea how anxiety can impact a life

I have never seen the term used to describe struggles with MH. Even Google searches brings up links to hospices etc.
There is even a life limiting board here on MN.

thank you 🥰 our hearts are broke trying to help him. His is health anxiety and emetaphobia. They prescribed meds which he cant take as he is afraid of them killing him. So a vicious circle

My self esteem is not low. I have extreme anxiety.

I have horrendous anxiety due to being misdiagnosed with anxiety (ironically) instead of a potentially fatal rare autoimmune issue. It’s left me feeling extremely vulnerable and completely lacking faith in anyone or anything medical - even ten years on now. My actual health issues also cause me anxiety now too. I have very good self esteem. It’s nothing to do with that. You have quite a narrow view of anxiety and the backgrounds that often come with it.

I think everything you say is true. But developing the capability to tackle it anyway is the best way to cope. We all can do it, if we screw up the courage and bite our lip. It often doesn't come naturally and it is frightening, but we can do it, if we want to.

Yes, I agree. But (and this is a sweeping generalisation so forgive me) we have moved away from the 'feel the fear and do it anyway' mentality. Maybe it's the level of choice that's now available which wasn't previously – I don't know – but people are able to reject things that make them feel uncomfortable or challenged, especially when the rewards aren't perceived to be valuable.

Once you try to do something and fail, or it feels horrible/embarrassing the natural thing is to not do it again. In the modern world you can perhaps do that more easily than you should be able to. I'm in my 60's. I don't recall anyone at my school not being able to attend; now 'school refusers' seem to be accepted. Is it progress or regression? I don't know. I do know that life is safer now than it ever has been, yet we are more scared of living than before. That's sad.

No. Definitely not.

I have anxiety. Not an anxiety disorder. I can wake up with a horrible pit of dread in my stomach for no reason, be very anxious about a certain thing happening at work, or going somewhere I don't usually go/doing something I don't usually do, which will give me physical symptoms of anxiety. But, I can almost always do the thing.

I don't take medication. I am waiting for counselling as it has ramped up big time over the last 9 months, but I don't think i would come across as typically anxious (I'm not shy).

I don't think I have a self confidence problem. I am decent enough at my job, don't get complaints, do get compliments.

Some people use the word for everything and feeling anxious about certain things is normal and healthy! The extent can be different though- physical symptoms all day before something you actually want to do...less so

But surely being unable to do something (in this case due to anxiety) must reflect on your level of self confidence? Especially f it's unpredictable / random thing that trigger it. It's a chicken and egg, kind of.

I’ll explain it with an imaginary example.

A consultant surgeon can’t do a routine operation that they have successfully performed thousands of times before. They and their colleagues have total confidence that they know how to do the operation because they have successfully done it so many times before. However, today’s patient has many similarities to a patient who died unexpectedly on the table, albeit on a different and more complicated op, and this memory has triggered anxiety, so the surgeon’s palms are sweating and trembling and their heart racing so they are unable to operate. This surgeon is a person who has always had a tendency towards anxiety - they failed a few exams at medical school due to awful nerves,

Oh dear.

There is such a thing as situational anxiety. The driving example is one such example where someone has complete situational anxiety about all driving, or it can be just about driving on certain roads such as dual carriage ways or motor ways where you just can’t pull over. That may or may not be part of a wider mental health issue. In most cases it is nothing to do with lack of confidence or low self esteem, however anxiety can then cause lack of confidence and low self esteem.

Ask any woman who has suddenly found that their life unfolds during perimenopause and they suddenly find that despite ordinarily being highly confident and in a high powered role, their life can unfold almost overnight with crippling anxiety and some of it can be situational rather than GAD.

I suspect what you are refereeing to is more worry based which can often be common in someone with lack of confidence and low self esteem which then leads to anxiety.

Really ignorant comment. Anxiety can be complex and can stem from so many different root causes. For me, what I call anxiety, seems to be a flare up of my nervous system.. often after a virus. My body seems to get stuck in fight or flight, I jump at every noise, jump at the sight of anyone, heart races, stomach swoops, racing thoughts, can't catch my breath. It comes out of nowhere and can last for days. Absolutely nothing to do with self esteem or confidence.

“Bowing the fuck out” has been the most sensible part of this whole conversation.

My point is about everyday avoidance: There are people who avoid doing things because they say they 'have anxiety' about it, when in reality, it's just the natural human response of feeling nervous about something unfamiliar.

Those people are not using the word wrong though. You're just taking it wrong.

They do have anxiety about it.

"Anxiety is a normal human emotion characterized by feelings of unease, worry, or dread about an anticipated event or future threat".

That's what they have, that's what they say they have, what they say they have is accurate. It doesn't matter if the person feels anxious because they have poor self esteem or what the reason is, the person is still accurately describing what they have.

They're not claiming to have an anxiety disorder or an illness, they're just saying they have anxiety about doing certain things.

The best way I can describe it is: you know when you see a TV hypnotist? And they hypnotise their subject to, say, think there's a snake on their chair. You can tell them as many times as you like that it is safe, there's no snake, they can sit there - but still their brain simply won't let them do it, they leap up in horror. 🐍

For that short time, their brain has been conditioned to 'save' them from the danger.

That's what it feels like to me, a mental block. The brain can have an amazing power over the body, even when that power is misguided...

Yup. Spot on. But it goes the other way too. I remember a client who mistakenly put some used batteries into a vape recycling container (or something along those lines) and her brain convinced her that the resulting fire would be catastrophic; once we got that thought invalidated – which took about five minutes – she was able to use her logic, not her emotions.

Their low self esteem and lack of confidence causes them to experience anxiety and avoid things then?

YABU. I know doctors who specialise in anxiety disorders and it’s more than just lack of self esteem

I have ADHD and I'm a terrible driver. I can manage quiet, straightforward roads but I know my limitations and avoid situations I don't feel capable of handling safely. That's not a lack of confidence, it's called self-awareness and lol at declaring country roads inherently more dangerous, as though every road and every driver is exactly the same. Different people struggle with different aspects of driving. The fact that you apparently can't distinguish between knowing your limitations and having low self-esteem is rather concerning. I'd argue that someone who recognizes what they can safely handle is considerably more sensible than someone who thinks a bit of encouragement and positive thinking magically makes everyone a competent driver.

Why can't you just be a terrible driver, why do you have to attach it to you ADHD?

Without it would you be a good driver?

In my case, anxious feelings were low iron and my body literally saying 'crap! I'm struggling for oxygen, someone do something'

I feel physical reasons for anxiety and other emotions that produce a strong, uncomfortable sensation on the body ought to be ruled out in all cases.