To think husband doesn't get to have it both ways re children?

I think you're both pretty thoughtless and have a rotten attitude towards the kids "older DC" when one is 12. Let's see if you say you have "older dc" when yours is 12 as you seem to be using it like they don't need any adult around at all, as if they're older teens.

DH is the worst in this and needs to step up his duties as a dad, however I couldn't be as cold and mean as you appear to be, to any kids who weren't doing anything wrong.

😂 yes, no blame on Cinderella’s uninvolved father of course. What a bizarre post, and I’m speaking as someone with a step mum and a step dad. It wasn’t my step parents that ‘destroyed’ me, it was my actual parents and their lack of interest.

@MarygoldRose she actually was told she couldn't or given so many chores she couldn't get ready in time depending on the version.

Comparing kids that are happy doing their own thing, have friends to hang out with and that when they do get invited places they say no most of the time is fucking ridiculous and exaggeration for the sake of it.

This could be your kids one day, staying with the new step mum.
Bowling works really well - there are air things that go up when the toddlers play, and then down when the non-toddler plays.
There aren't two teens, 12 is simply not a teenager. I suspect your opinion of how independent this age range is will change when it's your own dc.

OP says in the first post that he’s SE so can choose to work or not. Presumably she knows better than any of us.

I was in an LTR with a chap who had DC many years ago, him and his ex arranged contact time for his days off (also SE). There were times when it happened that either parent would be at work and DC at home alone (he ran a pub so they were never in the building by themselves). Neither he nor his ex-w expected me to be childcare or alter my plans. They sorted it between themselves and friends/family.

No, staying with their father.

I doubt OP would be expecting the stepmother to be providing childcare and/or entertainment in this scenario.

He’s selfish and so are you. You surely knew he had kids when you got together with him. It must make them feel really wanted when he disappears to work and you swan off with YOUR children on days out.

instead of putting yourself first think what you can do for his children - if I was their mother I’d be reconsidering the visits as neither you nor your DH are giving them what they need.

he came as part of a family unit - the pair of you need to give yourselves a shake.

Your husband doesn't mean they don't need taking care of, he means he doesn't need to do it just that he expects you to.
Interesting attitude

Except their mother knows and doesn't mind and does the same thing herself.

Yes that's what stands out.

We have some teens in our neighbourhood who are out ‘running free’ without direction or activities for hours and hours on end. They are engaging in all sorts of undesirable activities.

Gosh, unsupervised children shocker. Call social services! Christ knows how a whole generation of us survived perfectly well without being chaperoned every moment of every day. Thrived a lot better than subsequent generations arguably.

Sorry but proving a point at the expense of your Step-Children is really nasty behaviour, those poor kids.

She isn’t responsible for thinking of what she can do for his children when he fails to do so. That just gives him the green light to keep on dumping it on her because she’s supposed to ‘think of the children’.

He came with children HE is responsible for. Providing childcare did not become OP’s responsibility when she married him. She didn’t gain any parental responsibility for them upon marriage at all, actually.

Depends on the kids. My teenage GC often come along to stuff with their little cousins, they claim to be helping me or just like spending time with them but I think secretly they like the excuse to do kid stuff. Not cool to be going to a Disney film at 16, very cool to be taking cute 4year old cousin. Teenage girls seem to really like boys who are looking after little ones.

I'd be like a broken record every time. 'I don't know if they've eaten darling, you said they don't need looking after and that's why you've gone to work today. If they do need looking after I suggest you come home/don't work weekends any more when they are here'. And repeat every time he asks.

Does he ever take all his kids out by himself?

Like money I’m assuming. Like paying the mortgage, electric bill, etc 🤣🤣

I’d rather spend all my time with my husband and kids but I have to pay the mortgage and eat.

Poor children...NOT
You do know children around the teens just want their beds till about 2ish...
Honest I bet the little darlings love being left alone.
What you could do is talk to them, say you both feel guilty and is there anything they want to do?
You do ask, so that is fine.

He chooses to work weekends. He could work Monday-Friday when the kids are at school and then spend the weekends he has his kids with them.

Not it wouldn’t kill her im sure, but it wouldn’t kill their ACTUAL parent either. The OP is not in the wrong here or to blame at all. Their shit dad is.

It's not proving a point, it's taking a statement(that's not necessarily incorrect) to face value. What is she supposed to do when the SC don't want to join her? Cancel plans and stay home all day?

I kinda think YA(both)BU.

He leaves the DSC home because, in his words, they're 'old enough to look after themselves'.

However, you then make plans to take your younger joint DC out for the day and don't include the DSC because they're 'old enough to look after themselves'.

Sorry, but that just comes across as mean. Either you're just pissed at being 'dumped on' and are doing this to make a point to your DH. Or you genuinely don't like your DSC. Really hope it's the former.

"Have DCS had lunch?"
"They've come for the weekend to spend time with you, DH. You need to parent them."

"Why didn't you take DSC to the aquarium?"
"They haven't come over to spend time with me, DH. They've come to spend time with their Dad."

"What did DSC have for lunch?"
"You're their Dad, DH."

"I'm a bit confused here, DH. Because you said they're old enough look after themselves but you keep asking me if I'm looking after them? If they're not old enough to look after themselves, don't you think you should come home and be with them?"

Over and over again.