To think husband doesn't get to have it both ways re children?

Is that supposed to be something OP should fear? Put up and shut up OP, lest you lose this prince of a man! Doesn’t seem like he fears pushing her away though, does it?

No, he can’t assume he can dump childcare on her, thankfully, because she’s demonstrated that she’s not his doormat on hand to pick up his slack. Stepparents are free to decide for themselves what role they want to take.

The problem isn’t ‘your kids/our kids’ (her kids are his as well!) if that’s actually respected, the problem is one party thinking they can force their own wishes and responsibilities onto the other.

You’re getting a hard time on this thread, I agree with you. I think it’s weird dad is going out working, he’s SE so why can’t he even work his schedule to do a few jobs in the morning and come home around 12/1 when the older kids are getting up.

What does your husband say when you point out that he contradicts himself??

They are his children, he should be looking after them. How hurtful for them that he abandons them, for whatever reason.

Can you explain why you think this is the OP playing games and using the kids as pawns, rather than their father who thinks he can opt out of parenting them at a moments notice, trying to force op to step in to look after them? Presumably HE knew he had kids when his ex gave birth to them, and he knew that meant he’d have to be a parent, no?

No not fear but most likely will happen so not a threat but a very possible reality. A toxic situation for sure.
Maybe have them less and then dad has to pay child support so that mum can afford to pay proper childcare...just a suggestion

The mother is happy with 50/50, and is unlikely to want that to change.

Just a suggestion I say
If she could read this thread for example..

Then really you should have explained more in your original post. The way you made it sound was awful. It sounds like you ignore them.

But if the narrative is different to the point were your aggressively snapping back at people who are picking up the wrong ideas then why didn't you explain more in the original post. Now your scrabbling and having to back track and explain.

And go so far as to being so childish by adding sware words into your posts. They don't make you look bigger deary.

Perhaps next time before posting you should have a word with the children's father other your concerns. Hmm

Considering it reads like her and OP get along and she knows what her ex is like, and leaves the kids on her own herself, doubtful she is going to change things.

Are people misreading and thinking the SC are 4&2? No self-respecting 12/14 year old is going to want to hang out with his SM and toddler siblings at the weekend- he/she will have their own stuff going on with friends and it seems like these guys do and get on with it. Other than that, young teens generally love getting the house to themselves for a few hours to binge TV or whatever. Believe me, the SC are not crying about not getting to go to the aquarium/zoo with some preschoolers.

If we took the step-family dynamic out of this and they were one family with 4 DC and a big age gap, it would be totally expected that the older ones were more independent and organised their own social lives and that weekend activities organised by the parents focused more on the younger ones who obviously cant get anywhere independently. It sounds as though they live pretty close to the ex so it's not like these DC are being transplanted somewhere miles away from friends etc every weekend.

And yes, 12&14 year olds are totally capable of getting their own lunch/ getting to somewhere to meet friends and nothing bad happening.

Most of us are quite capable of clicking see all posts to see the OPs posts. And I think she was perfectly clear.

Why? Because some posters can’t be bothered to read further or click on the “See All” when possible.

Posters moan if an OP puts too much and moan if they don’t put enough. She has only been aggressive to one poster who acts as if they know more than the rest of us, otherwise she has been pleasant l.

OP isn’t scrabbling at all. Or fucking scrabbling, even 😂

Unlike the posters tying themselves into knots trying to make her responsible for this, and getting pissy because they’re failing to bother her despite the efforts being made to do so.

Cor ,what man ,what a catch
This will be your childrens future when your marriage breaks down
Which it probably will ,as he seems to think your responsible for his children.
Love how he tries to push the responsibility on to you .

And I did as did every one else who saw the oh but actually I do this this and this posts and the back tracking. And the oh I do actually take interest in these kids.

To me it doesn't sound like this should have been poses on Mum's net first. It's a conversation she should have had first with her husband regarding her concerns around the children.

What? So she could see that the stepmother has no problem doing the same thing she does?

I'm sorry but OP does share a responsibility in the crap situation she had a hand in creating.
Before she came along these kids had a shit dad, now they have a shit dad, a stepmom who wants to exclude them and siblings who are being treated better than they are, she can't blame her DP entirely for this situation, she presumably knew what he was like before she had kids with him.
It really irks me when people are unwilling to take responsibility for the situation they have created
Also there is a big difference between older kids not participating because they don't want to and not participating because they don't feel welcome.

I think the majority of people agree with the OP - that her DP should not have his cake and eat it and is behaving appallingly to his older and younger children.

What mist people object to is the manner and delight the OP gets in making her point - to the detriment of children.

TheEx is irrelevant - Dads time, Dads choices o what he does or does not do in his time. Her time, her choices and nothing to do with the OP.

OP has a DP problem not an SDC problem, but she uses the children as weapons - unforgivable.

No, most people are able to realise they’re getting a small snap shot of someone’s life and don’t paint the poster to be evil based off of that or make up the rest of the story in their own head, if you do, maybe reflect on why. As for chastising someone for swearing whilst patronising them by calling them deary, it doesn’t make you look ‘bigger’ either mate.

Why did OP presumably know what DH was like before having kids with them, and in what way was he a shit dad then? She's clearly stated that he only started leaving them alone for longer periods pretty recently.

No, he needs to sort out his schedule so he’s there when his kids are there. He is their parent and it is his responsibility. He needs to learn to be a better father, instead of assuming that OP will do the job, particularly when she already has plans. It’s nice of her that she offers to take them wherever she’s going, especially when she wasn’t aware she was going to be the default carer without any notice or consultation. And also, his DC are there to see their dad. He agreed to this arrangement and he shouldn’t be able to just fuck off on them when he feels like it.

He needs to get better, not everyone needs to pick up after him because that poor man can’t manage it. From what I can gather, the OP wouldn’t mind at all doing it now and again, with notice and agreement, but there shouldn’t be the assumption that she’s the default carer. If he can manage the days he does then they need to change days.

So he sees that you are out for lunch, thinks it's shit, but doesn't think to take his kids out for lunch?

That's shit!

And their mum probably isn't at home for them to not be alone there?

Do you think that sometimes they say no when you ask them if they want to go because they think that you don't actually want them there?

How long are they actually alone for?

I think 12 is quite young & I don't think that the 14yr old should have to have the responsibility.

Does he ever do anything with them?

No that is the point that you are missing - Step Parents have no legal responsibility for step children.

It sounds like OP already does a lot out of kindness which is nice or her, especially when she has two little ones to parent.

It’s obvious when posters are projecting their own issues onto step parenting threads, it gets so tedious.