To think husband doesn't get to have it both ways re children?

I don't know what their mother's opinion is here - but even if she sends them because your DH insists on having them so that he doesn't have to pay more child support, and she doesn't want them to go, these two children must feel like shit!

Did you read past OP’s first post?

The mother does the same thing as the dad and leaves them at home alone.

OP seems to be the only one who actually checks on them, invites them out ( they often say no) if she thinks they would like it, and also has them during the week.

There is just something unpleasant about the undertones here.

I would do this favour for my husband if he asked.

You haven’t said how often it is?

If I was him I’d be looking at you differently for certain.

At least suggest he lets the children have a friend round or gives them money to go to the cinema or whatever?

Remember the kid are innocent in all of this.

This.

It doesn’t sound like anyone has a problem but your DH.

DSC happy to be left to sleep/play football/game.

Their mum also fine with the arrangements as they are.

You're spot on OP that your DH is full of shit here.

As you say, either they’re ok to be left on their own and he can CHOOSE to work; or they’re not, and he can CHOOSE not to work and be there for them instead.

Women pointing the finger at another woman instead of seeing the only problem lies squarely with the man here shows how misogyny is depressingly alive and well.

Putting aside your views and thoughts as step-mum ('m one too so not being horrible!) but why are DSKs coming over is Dad isn't around?! Surely the point of splitting time between houses is to spend time with both parents?! We have DSD over 2-3 nights a week but if DP changed his working hours and wasn't around then he would change the days we have her??? Does your DH even want to spend time with his kids?

Why is it ok for their father AND mother to leave them alone but not OP?

Ah yes - “you’re free to bitch and moan about it, but remember you have to ultimately give in. Suck it up woman, you’re the one that has to care more about his kids than he does! If you don’t you’re mean, and 1, people thinking you’re mean is something you really need to care about, and 2, such piss poor emotional blackmail is definitely something that can be expected to work on women! Not on their father though”

She isn’t responsible for making him step up and do anything, even if she could. He’s a grown man.

Well said

I said shit for the children, not the stepchildren, so I’m unsure why you’ve assumed I consider one more important than the other.

This stalemate/ tit for tat/ useless parenting will impact ALL the children. Parents arguing over nonsense, some feeling neglected/responsible for the angst etc and so on and so forth. Then the likelihood of another set of children who will exist in conflict or lose the ‘family unit’.

The OP, her husband and his ex are adults who can figure out their own shit (shit they created). The children can’t.

Someone saw my post and didn't like it 😁
I was merely noting that Cinderella had actually being mentioned on a thread about stepchildren. I mean, you can normally tell on step threads that posters are dying to mention Cinderella but even the most hard-core anti stepmum posters know how unbelievably stupid it sounds.
I hope you are enjoying some of the insane responses @PickledFrog I certainly am.
You need to tell your husband straight. You are not there to pick up his parenting slack! If he says they don't need looking after then so be it.
Edited to add, if you are comfortable saying stupid/cruel things to a woman asking for advice, dont go rushing to get other peoples posts deleted.

Do you actually do anything for these children apart from make them the odd lunch IF your in the house ? You sound very resentful of them and def not working as a team with your husband. Him working weekends to support his family and your making things difficult for him as he told you they don't need much looking after ?? like point scoring. Pathetic really. He will end up resenting you and prob already does. He obviously loves his children and worries about them eating etc which is why he checks in with you. Then you keep going back to the point that he said about them not needing much looking after. You must have a depressing marriage. Awful for ALL the kids actually.

You should be making him step up to the mark to parent his children.

How is she supposed to make him?

Should OP also be making the kids actual mother step up to the mark to parent her children?

Are you really hard up for money that he has to work weekends?

Mum leaves the kids home alone including overnight, fine.

Dad leaves the kids home alone and doesn't think they need looking after, fine.

OP leaves the kids home alone and she's the wicked stepmother and the root of all evil.

It does, doesn’t it.

If I had a choice to sleep/stay in or get up and go to a soft play, I would definitely be staying in. I was at home alone at their ages and I spent the time riding my bike around the neighbourhood, riding to a friend’s house (telling my parents of course), reading books and magazines, playing computer/video games, etc. I found it pleasant to have the house to myself. Rarely, ever have it now.

I think your poor step-children are pawns in a passive-aggressive power struggle between you and your husband and that isn't fair on them.

I agree that your husband is out of order to swan off to work when he has his kids without a thought to anyone else! I don't know what kind of a relationship you have with these children and if you want one with them in the future, but I think you're being very cold towards them. Please consider being the better person and start including your step-children a bit more for the sake of the children, not your husband!

Did you miss that OP works full time? Yeah right, the DH loves his children so much that CHOOSES to work weekends. He could work Monday to Friday and then, y'know, actually BE THERE for his kids on the weekend, but he chooses not to.

Funny how DH working is 'supporting his family' but OP working monday-friday is nothing

Why don't you ask OP what the children's dad for his kids?

Where's the tit for tat? OP is allowed to take her dc to soft play instead of waiting until midday for teens to wake up for their lunch.

The whole point is that they spend time with him. He's treating them as an inconvenience. No doubt he will be surprised when they don't want to see him when they are older.

What the father is saying is they are quite independent at that age and don’t require supervision as such.

They do require inclusivity within the family setup and that means they should be given the opportunity to do whatever the family is doing that day.

Their father is working and he is asking his wife to be mindful of his kids.

I think it is ok for both parents to leave the children for work purposes (bills don’t pay themselves) and they don’t really need a sitter.

If the op wants to go about her days as if the children don’t exist there is something unpleasant about that.

Its cheeky of him. But it's not the kids fault.

The reason the husband is doing this is because he can, because she is powerless and there's nothing she can do that doesn't make her look bad. She can't get back at him without hurting the children, he is holding his children to ransom.
This is what many men are like, any opportunity they see to exploit a woman and they're in there like a rat up a drain pipe.

Or they're being treated exactly the same by their SM as they are by their parents. Something they are used to and presumably happy enough with. Which bar actual abuse and neglect it's actually the baseline and SMs are expected to follow the parent's patterns.

Explain to me why a SM doing what a mother and father are doing is simply not good enough?

the husband is trying to dump responsibility for his children on OP. She’s not taking it, and nor should she. They’re HIS responsibility. HE needs to change his plans for the sake of his children, not expect OP to.