To think husband doesn't get to have it both ways re children?

He's a terrible father , you know that and had more children with him. You think it's hilarious that his older children are basically left to sort themselves when they are staying with their father. Bowling is actually a great activity for all ages. A two yo can do it. They have bumpers and rollers.
I feel for the kids , and looking at my 12yo now, he would be in tears if left behind when you all scooted off to the aquarium.
All the adults( including the mum and Dad and you) are behaving terribly. Poor kids indeed.
I think you may feel some remorse OP when your oldest is 12.
Why do women continue to keep having children with men that have proven themselves already to be awful fathers?? ?
Geez, give some other dude a crack. The odds are on your side that they can't be worse.
Do you think the last wife/mother was just not good enough?
He has shown you what he is like. He is NOT going to change.
Do you think when your kids are 12/14 he is suddenly going to be interested? FFS
Huge sigh.

But that's not what's happening here. If OP is home she feeds them. She has invited the teens out.

It's the expectation that she cancels her plans to do things the teens' actual father won't do that grates.

She ‘should’ do no such thing if she doesn’t want to. The person that should actually step up and provide care is the one responsible for them - their father. It doesn’t fall to her if he fails to do so.

Leave them at home to do whatever they want to do.

Leave a loaf of bread out so they can make sandwiches, direct them to the contents off the fridge.

Provide dad's credit card and suggest they order deliveroo if wanting to really hammer the point home to him.

It's not fair on the kids to be the pawns in this. They will know, and it will hurt.

Their dad CBA to see them and has decided to work instead (assuming he has a choice in that - who knows, he may need the money given he has four children to support) - and they are in a house where they may be getting the sense they aren't welcome/haven't got any food.

I feel sorry for the children. 12 and 14 is quite young to be left alone all day

OP's DH is working, not playing golf

I don't understand why you can't take the older children to the aquarium too. Toddlers love having young teenagers around. Sounds like you don't like them. Your dh is a awful parent and remember he treat your children how he treats his oldest if you split up. Those poor children.

The OP doesn't say she should cancel her plans, it says he thinks she should invite them.

Reality is, if you have stepchildren, you do need to include them in your weekend plans. You can't just exclude them because you don't fancy inviting them, while arranging a treat for your own kids.

I think OP is reasonable to be annoyed her DH works on weekends he should be spending with his children, but is unreasonable to not be inclusive of the step-children.

They are children and part of her family.

He will make comments about this though sometimes like if I'm out over lunch time asking me if DSC have eaten, what they have for lunch, should be making sure they have something. Or even sometimes saying it's mean of me not to take DSC out with me if I end up going somewhere they might light for example I once had a trip to a big aquarium/zoo place planned with my sister and our younger children and he was pissed that I didn't immediately take DSC with me when I found out he had decided to go in work, instead they stayed home alone all day.

No where in her original OP does it say that he expects her to cancel her plans, only that she should include the children if it’s something they would like. She said she had a trip to the aquarium planned and she didn’t take her step children so they were left home alone.

You need to ask him to explain his hypocrisy.

All these terrible men who can't be bothered to look after their own DC, but have more DC. I will never, ever marry a man with DC.

As a stepparent, your place is in the wrong. If you posted asking if you were wrong to tell them off for bad behaviour, you would be told you have no right to do that because they're not your children. Basically, your role is to shut up, smile and make everyone else's lives easier. Except your own children. They don't get good things because they have their daddy at home. Something like that.

So? Like all parents he shouldn’t have agreed to work if it meant he didn’t have childcare.

Their mother AND father leave them alone at home, yet apparently it’s a problem with the stepmother does it.

What if the father is caring for his children by working? What if he cannot afford not to work? If he can’t afford to pay the mortgage or for their new school shoes who exactly is going to do that for him?

Yeah, he doesn’t get to change her plans to suit himself.

Their DF is an absolute neglectful arsehole.

What I can not get over, is the obvious nasty malicious pleasure that oozes out of your posts. You enjoy what you re doing and do not give a damn about how these kids feel.

Rather than tackle your DPs behaviour - you wreak petty malignant revenge on children - shame on you.

Grow up address your relationship issues and stop using children as a weapon. You are both pathetic

Then he’s got problems he needs to solve, doesn’t he? Solving those problems doesn’t however mean dumping his kids on OP. They remain HIS responsibility, not hers.

It’s not really changing her plans to include her step children though? She married him knowing he had kids who would be part of her life, if she wasn’t cool with that then she shouldn’t have married him.

Fair enough if he was going to the pub with his mates for a jolly but he’s working. To support their family, shall he just not work and let OP pay all the bills as he has children from a previous marriage he needs to spend time with? Would that be better suited for OP rather than having to make sure the step kids are lunch and having to maybe include them in the odd day out?

No, she doesn’t have to. They didn’t want to come anyway, can people not read?

It’s adding on two extra people she would have to take responsibility for, changing the dynamic of the day. It wasn’t just OP’s day out either, she had it planned with her sister. The DH doesn’t get to decide for them that the day is going to change.

HE knew he had children. Yes, she knew he had children, but knowing someone has children is very different to ‘knowing your expected to take responsibility for them’. If he wanted a partner that did that he should have laid it out at the very beginning, and not married someone that wasn’t willing to provide that. Once again, that’s on him.

OP isn't responsible for them, he is. She isn’t responsible for providing childcare for them, or paying for them. That is and would be on him, employed or unemployed. Again, his failures don’t fall upon her.

I would not be complicit in allowing any 12 year old to be regularly left alone to fend for themselves.

He is the dad and absolutely should be prioritising his dc. But I couldn’t as a responsible adult walk out leaving them alone in my home again and again when it didn’t feel right. That doesn’t mean I would take responsibility for them, but I would make damn sure their dad didn’t put me in that position, or I wouldn’t be with a man who treated his children so poorly.

The OP needs to stand firm because if she gains her point, life - family life- will be better for all four of this man’s children. In that at weekends, the only days when he is available in the meat of the day to actually see and spend time with them all, he will be there - not giving them the slip

the OP isn’t taking this approach to spite the step dc, or because she has no affection or thoughtfulness towards them. It’s to bring their father back on track

Er, no I wouldn't. But OK.

If they don't WANT to go, that's different. Could have done with that information in the original OP.

Why are you putting up with this arse of a man?

Haha, she 'changed the dynamic' by marrying someone who already had two children.

While her DH should not leave her to care for his children alone regularly, she should also behave like an adult and is 'in loco parentis' as a result of marrying their father.

@MississippiAF very sad for the step children to not be invited to activities by their stepmother. The OP doesn't say the children didn't want to come to the aquarium, just that she didn't ask so they stayed home alone all day.

She has said on other occasions she has asked them if they want to be involved in stuff and they have said no. She should always ask - excluding them because she doesn't want them to join seems mean. She could arrange to visit the aquarium (or whatever. else) on the weekends they are at their mums, if she really doesn't want them there.