Where did I go wrong financially?

You need to look at where you are spending your money. My dh is a retired finance director and we have a budget for everything: food, dentist, gifts, utilities etc. This is reviewed on a monthly basis to check expenditure is on track.
when we were both working (retired now) we lived on one salary and saved the other and we had savings targets. I realise this all sounds very dull but we had a very specific target in mind (dh retired at 53) and we managed savings, investments and expenditure to achieve that.

It's not that difficult for others to be in a better financial situation. If you cut your spending to the bone and only spent on the bare necessities, you'd have much larger savings. A pretty miserable life as well, but more money in the bank. Imagine how much you've spent on holidays, haircuts, new clothes, takeaways, etc in the past 13 years, you'll be surprised how much it adds up to. But I personally wouldn't want to live like this. You're doing fine.

You're my age and you earn three times as much as me, even though I have a degree.

If you're behind the curve, where am I?

I didn’t know anyone at 38 who had paid their mortgage off, let alone all of my friends. I feel the group of people you know are unusual!

Are you saying that they all earn less than you, have no debt nicer cars and have nearly all paid their mortgage off?

Don't be daft. Who you comparing with! You're an accountant (at a big firm?). You will be surrounded by a disproportionate number of people who went to private schools and were gifted massive deposits or actual houses by their parents. It is the way of things in professional services, which have always been harder to access for the humble folk. If you are single, home owner, with pension accruing and £180k equity in your house, you are doing incredibly well. You are probably just feeling the Costnof Living squeeze, which is now biting the middle class because of mortgage payments. I'm going to give you permission to be proud of yourself and your achievements!

It isn’t just smaller mortgages.

On our first house we had a tracker that was base rate plus 0.25. Interest rates at the time were 6%. We managed to port that to the new house (it wasn’t worth paying off even though we could have) and got another that was base rate plus 2%. So with interest rates at 0.5% it was easy.

The way interest rates have gone you just can’t compare it to now.

you must be able to read the news and see that millions of people in their 30s aren't even (or only just) on the housing ladder, let alone have £180k equity by themselves (i.e. not shared between a couple)
You earn more than double the national average.
You are doing way better than most people.
Either you have a group of very affluent (or financially lucky) friends or they are all fibbing/exaggerating, either way it might help to look outside your very small (comparatively) circle and see the wider picture.

Comparison is the thief of joy. Others may live in cheaper houses, may have had parental help with bigger deposits, may have sacrifice holidays or meals out to downpay mortgage or may have used an inheritance from great aunt Ethel. I don't think you've "gone wrong" anywhere - i think you might be comparing very different situations.

You're in a position that is financially better than lots of people.

Im 42 and mortgage free - only my closest friends know. It wasn't because I'm a financially savvy genius, it was a chunky inheritance.

Most people have absolutely not paid off their mortgage at 38. Most people I know are still moving into their “forever” homes in their 40’s and even in their early 50’s. Either they bought cheap houses or they are lying

You're at the age when parents start to die off. Have any of your friends parents / grandparents died leaving an inheritance that has paid off mortgages?

Otherwise very unusual for mortgages to be paid off so early by so many in one friendship group!

I'd say you're normal and they're odd.

Having my doubts about this one.

In that time I have only managed to acquire 180k equity in my home

You lost me at that I'm afraid.
You're either a goady fucker or living in cloud cuckoo land.

The only part which surprises me is that you have to take finance for a car. I guess you must buy very expensive cars. I have had cars for over 40 years and always bought outright. I have never had particularly well paid jobs. Less than 20 grand for years and now still less than 30.

I feel I’ve done everything possible to be financially savvy yet clearly I’ve missed something

Critical thinking? But seriously, are your closest friends in a couple? Did the house move you borrowed legal fees for mean you only bought (on your own) quite recently? Have they had their mortgage on 2 incomes for much longer?

With the greatest of respect, you aren’t coming across as financially savvy. But the good news is it’s easy to learn. And you’re only 38.

OP, sorry if I missed it, but I don't think you've addressed the main point - people getting money from family.

Yabvu op. You don’t sound like you messed up, and your perception of other people’s financial situations do not appear to be realistic.

How do you know what 'everyone' does? I haven't a clue whether my friends have paid off their mortgages, whether they own their cars or are in debt - because it's none of my business and they don't discuss their business with me any more than I would with them.

I’m your age, my salary is half yours (teacher) and I don’t even own a house, hardly any of my school friends own houses and the few that do have only owned a couple of years. Nobody anywhere near paying off the mortgage. I drive a beaten up car I got second hand that is forever breaking down. I don’t have any debt and I do have savings which will go towards a house deposit, but if you were in my friendship group you would be doing very very very well compared to the rest of us.

Again, I think yabvu, I see you hope to be mortgage free very soon , you do realise most young people can’t afford to buy?!

Sorry, but in the current climate, and knowing you earn a very good wage, I think your post is pretty tone deaf.

Surely being an accountant you know all about different things you could/should have invested in and know how to budget.

Perhaps your mortgage /almost mortgage free friends have cashed in some shares or had parents help/massive house deposit. Because unless they’re both massively high earners or they bought their homes for next to nothing after leaving school and then did them up, I cannot see how they would be almost mortgage free before 40.

Well what are you spending on? How much is your mortgage, car, debt?
If it helps I'm.older than you and will be only paying off my mortgage with inheritance otherwise I'll be paying it until I'm dead

^^this
We didn’t get our first mortgage until I was 45, a 20 year term, at scarily high rates in the late 90’s.
Between us we eventually earned c45k pa? Our cars were old bangers until very recently (now 70 and 76 years old), we never had debts we couldn’t pay off quickly. The thought of paying out £££ for new cars on PCP or whatever wasn’t even in our minds.
We could have constantly compared ourselves to others but it’s a pointless exercise as everyone’s situation is different.

You are doing well! Myself and husband probably earn less than you out together now and just paid off our mortgage 3 years ago (I was 55 and he was 60). So please don't feel sorry for yourself - you are way ahead of most of the country.