Old fashioned way FTmum

Nope.i have discalclia.
It doesn't mean the point doesn't stand. Many people don't buy things early out of caution or superstition or experience.
It's fairly common and experience by many of us from all culture.

Not your circus, not your (baby) monkey OP.

My family is Eastern European and I don't think it's a cultural thing to have babies in their own room from very early on. My EE grandmother advised my mum to breastfeed on demand and to keep her babies in her room until their first birthday - this was the 80s so not prevailing wisdom here in the UK.

Agree with others that you are being overbearing, though.

I suppose with all kinds of advice - don't offer it until you are asked for it!

It isn't inevitable that you share your opinions.

You are presumably capable of keeping your mouth shut and not forcing your opinions onto your friend? You are presumably capable of listening to what she says, accepting her request to stop lecturing her and understanding that just because you did something one way that does not mean it is the right way for everyone?

Many people prefer not to buy loads of stuff before their child is born, this can be for a number of reasons:

• practicality - don't know how big baby will be, want to have the longest warranty period on big purchases after baby is born as possible, want to only buy what you actually find that you need
• cultural
• emotional - may have had experience of a loss either personally or in the family making her reluctant to get too excited
• privacy - may actually have done a load of stuff but doesn't want to tell you about it because it's got nothing to do with you.
• politeness - she may hate your sense of style or not want hand me downs and is trying to avoid hurting your feelings.

Given official sleep guidelines see to change every 5-10 years, she may have made the decision that she'll do what her mum or auntie or whoever did rather than what the NHS says to do.that's her decision to make. She may also change her mind or find that her baby has its own opinion in the matter and forces the decision to change. What I do know for absolute certainty is that she does not need to do what you think is right.

We only have the op to go by, and the subsequent posts if the op makes them

Re advanced prep: rather like not telling anyone for the first 3 months, many people don’t do the final prep and the buying of stuff until the last 2 months. Our DC was born early, we had begun to make decisions on what to buy but not actually bought anything. I don’t think anyone expected us to be further ahead organisationally speaking.

Re in the same room: until the 1990s it wasn’t a given, although many did. It’s not inconceivable that communities in other countries take a different approach.

Having discalcia doesn't mean you just make potentially harmful shit up. Please stop spreading disinformation.

My only input is that we all have completely different ideas about how we will raise our children until the reality. When she meets the baby and realises what it’s like she may well change her mind about a few of the things you mentioned.

I think many women get a nesting thing during pregnancy that puts them off second hand things. (it’s hard to explain but it’s similar to why everything suddenly needs to be clean and organised) I felt a bit like this but once baby was born and the hormones shifted it stopped bothering me and I was glad to use the second hand stuff. So maybe don’t mention it again until a month or two after the birth and casually throw into convo that you still have xyz if it’s of any use. Don’t take it personally though as there are lots of baby banks that would be very pleased to get some of your well looked after bits.

“I feel gutted for the baby, I told her the only thing a newborn wants is the comfort of being with his mummy!”

When this is an acceptable comment:
Parents are poor and upset they can’t afford things.

When it is not acceptable:
When you’re criticising and bullying.

HTH.

I told her the only thing a newborn wants is the comfort of being with his mummy!

Christ, back off Super Nanny. Her decisions are none of your business.

Maybe stay away from statistics then hey? You can't just make up numbers to try and make a point and then say you have dyscalculia.

I never bought anything too far ahead for fear of jinxing anything but yes it's weird not wanting the baby in with you. OP I know you mean well she won't thank you for it, so best to be supportive (whilst quietly tutting to yourself 😉).

Christ almighty mind your own business. Do you really think all babies around the world spend 6 months in a next to me cot?!

Good God, back off.

It’s absolutely not your place to lecture your friend.

I’m not surprised she doesn’t want to take to you or express enthusiasm, you sound like a nightmare.

if you want to fuss around a baby, have another one of your own.

What if she doesn't want your stuff??

I didn't make them up, I miscopied them. Perhaps you should use your perfect skills to correct them rather than trying to be pedantic.

And again, it doesn't disprove my point. At all.

Stay away from statistics or pedants. For sure.

My DC1 was born in a western European country 10 years ago, DS was a terrible sleeper and the midwife recommended he be put into his own room at a few weeks old - because we were disturbing and waking him through the night.

They also encouraged me to help him to sleep on his side because he struggled to sleep on his back.

Recommendations change a lot from one country to another, so it's totally possible that baby in its own foom is normal for her.

No one assumed the worst anything. Weird that you asked AIBU and didn't like to hear that YABU. Also weird that you kept all your baby stuff 3 years on the offchance a random friend (who didn't ask for it) wanted it.
She might want to buy all her own stuff.
Telling someone "advice" about their parenting choices once is one time too many.

If you're talking to a newer mum, it's hard to draw the line about being patronising or overbearing but basically I think these are ok:

• give advice in response to a direct question eg troubleshooting a breastfeeding problem that she comes to you with
• telling a self-deprecating anecdote as encouragement "you're doing so well, I could barely make it out of the house at this point"

These are not ok:

• listening to her ideas then contradicting them with your advice (eg your sleep advice)
• doubling down on your advice when she disagrees
• listening to her ideas and then implying she's a bad mother...! "Your newborn just wants its mummy" oh dear me no.

Also not ok:

• labelling her decisions/ideas as a parenting "type" eg "the old-fashioned way". No-no

FWIW 13 and 17 years ago my DS's went into their own rooms from birth.

They are fine.

Just because you've had a baby it doesn't make you the expert on child rearing. 😂