Old fashioned way FTmum

We put ds2 in his own room at 8 weeks. Discussed it with the health visitor who told me that just because the nhs guidelines recommended something, didn't mean we had to go along with it.

I have a friend who was much like this when pregnant - referred to it as "it", spent a lot of time wondering how to arrange childcare/ put it in its own room asap, didnt' seem excited at all. She was fine once the baby arrived. Anxiety mainly I think.

She was British btw. Not sure what you make of that given your seemingly very strong need to pin this on your "friend" being foreign.

You know, not everybody is bubbling over with excitement at being pregnant, right? That's not abnormal. Plenty of my friends absolutely hated being pregnant, showed zero enthusiasm or excitement. But that changed once the baby was actually here.

I'm British and had a friend who took it upon herself to "pass on information" and stuff. I found it incredibly overwhelming, irritating and upsetting. She was also far more excited about my baby than I was.

My husband and I have taken to calling one of our oldest friends "You should" in private.

Because of everyone we know, she's the one who can't pass up a chat without saying that "you should do this/that/the other" - including statements about how we should feel, and how she doesn't think we're acting excited enough.

Whereas my oldest friend casually asked how we were feeling, and laughed when I said "Yeah, we're excited, but we're us-excited. It's never all singing all dancing, is it?"

Because that's the sort of people we are, and reasonable people don't expect you to completely change personality because a baby is on the way.

Back of and stop judging.
Many people don't bring stuff in before the baby. In my country pram is kept with family or neigbours for example and comes into the house after the baby to not jinx anything.

People do things differently in different places and different healthcare systems have different advice.

I don't see tjat friendship going on much longer and pretty sure she is rethinking taking the old stuff from you.

Why is any of this your business?

FWIW I don't think this is cultural. It's just someone disagreeing with you.

Oh so people don't lose babies or pregnancies. What an unpleasant sanctimonious viewpoint.
But well done on being perfect.

The point doesn’t stand, a “typo” isn’t an excuse for a pile of garbage.

Honestly when I look at some of the hand wringing that goes on about the simplest thing these days I think the old fashioned ways are quite possibly the best. Common sense seems to be something that's scolded out of us when we have babies now.

I am sure she is now coming up with other labels, maybe ones she is not telling you about

My only input is that we all have completely different ideas about how we will raise our children until the reality. When she meets the baby and realises what it’s like she may well change her mind about a few of the things you mentioned.

This. She'll have her ideas and then the baby will have their own ideas when they arrive, and they'll work out a routine which works for both of them. There's no point taking issue with anything she says at the moment because (i) it's not your place, but (ii) she may well choose to do things differently from how she planned when the baby arrives.

OK, this wasn't clear from your op at all, but I see now without the need for block caps.

My point stands though- there's just no need to double down on your advice if she disagrees with it. Her plans aren't unsafe, just different

Don’t want to pile on but I’ve spotted it in other threads. You’ve had one? Two? Babies you’re not the font of all knowledge. I was baffled when my sister asked the best way to burp her newborn. I dunno, but here’s the 50 things I tried let’s see what works.

I have friend in European countries who act like we (in Britain) are Victorian in our attitude to child rearing so it varies massively but by and large everyone is getting their babies to adulthood.

So few mums fit a stereotype. None of us are fully old fashioned or fully organic or fully attachment or fully disciplinarian or whatever.

Don't label your friend. It makes you sound very judgy

Just because you've had a baby it doesn't make you the expert on child rearing. 😂

FWIW 13 and 17 years ago my DS's went into their own rooms from birth.

They are fine.

Also not ok:

• labelling her decisions/ideas as a parenting "type" eg "the old-fashioned way". No-no

If you're talking to a newer mum, it's hard to draw the line about being patronising or overbearing but basically I think these are ok:

• give advice in response to a direct question eg troubleshooting a breastfeeding problem that she comes to you with
• telling a self-deprecating anecdote as encouragement "you're doing so well, I could barely make it out of the house at this point"

These are not ok:

• listening to her ideas then contradicting them with your advice (eg your sleep advice)
• doubling down on your advice when she disagrees
• listening to her ideas and then implying she's a bad mother...! "Your newborn just wants its mummy" oh dear me no.

No one assumed the worst anything. Weird that you asked AIBU and didn't like to hear that YABU. Also weird that you kept all your baby stuff 3 years on the offchance a random friend (who didn't ask for it) wanted it.
She might want to buy all her own stuff.
Telling someone "advice" about their parenting choices once is one time too many.

My DC1 was born in a western European country 10 years ago, DS was a terrible sleeper and the midwife recommended he be put into his own room at a few weeks old - because we were disturbing and waking him through the night.

They also encouraged me to help him to sleep on his side because he struggled to sleep on his back.

Recommendations change a lot from one country to another, so it's totally possible that baby in its own foom is normal for her.

I didn't make them up, I miscopied them. Perhaps you should use your perfect skills to correct them rather than trying to be pedantic.

And again, it doesn't disprove my point. At all.

Stay away from statistics or pedants. For sure.

What if she doesn't want your stuff??