I would like to take my daughter to Africa on holiday. For context, I am Black British and my husband is white. He does not like long-haul flights and is refusing to agree to the trip. His view is that because I visited South Africa four years ago, there is no need for us to travel to Africa again, and that we should choose a closer destination such as Europe instead.
My daughter, who is of mixed African heritage, has never been to Africa and is devastated that she is not being allowed to go.

My husband is threatening to divorce me, should I go ahead and book the holiday?

Not stylish AT ALL but I have finally found a housecoat after months of searching. I have a white cat with longish fur and a black cat so everything I wear in the house is instantly a cat fur magnet and I have spent a fortune on sticky rollers and invariably go out looking like a furry mess....lovely.
I had given up hope of ever finding one. I remember my grandmother wearing one round the house. She was incredibly stylish and well dressed and would never have exposed her nice clothes to children, animals or housework but would take it off if she was going out or expecting visitors.
I think they are due for a comeback 😀

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B09RPX62RS/ref=syn_sd_offsite_mobileweb_50?ie=UTF8&psc=1&aref=z12Im60v0s&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zZF9vZmZzaXRlX21vYmlsZXdlYg&tag=dradisplay0bb-21&th=1

We've had a new mattress, so decided to clear everything off our ottoman. Our bed & Ottoman very rarely looks this tidy. Does this look dated?

My husband has been acting strange/secretive with his phone for a couple of weeks now so I took it on myself to look at his phone. Yes I know it’s morally dodgy but we have each others log ins and I looked at it whilst he was feeding DS dinner (it was charging upstairs).

There is a woman who is obviously a co-worker. I only had time to look at messages from the past two days. He was in the office today. He messaged her to say please walk past my desk again so I can look at your arse. She said she’d be back up in an hour and she will walk slowly this time. He then messaged again (after about an hour) to say that was the highlight of his afternoon to which she replied she knew her trousers would get attention today and sent a peach symbol. That was the last message.

I confronted him straight away and he stormed off and hasn’t come home yet. Said how dare I look at his phone. I have tried to call him and he just declined the call. He sent a text to say I’ve betrayed his trust and he can’t believe I did that instead of speaking to him.

Am I wrong to have done this, I think that if you know something is up then it’s within your right to investigate?

Say whether your childhood home had a then suggest the next thing
I will start
An outside toilet

Just as it says in the title really.
Everything seemed fine until around 7 weeks ago. Then out of nowhere my husband accused me of being controlling, saying that over the course of our relationship, I had stopped him doing things he enjoyed and that I had said some hurtful things during arguments, which we were said in the heat of the
moment.
I held my hands up to saying hurtful things and said it came from a place where I felt as though there has been no consideration for me and as though my feelings aren’t worth anything. He often stays in bed on a morning while I sort out our kids who are all still young and I have said I have expectations that he helps out on a morning too. As for the controlling him, I have said to him over the years that sometimes it’d be nice if he would miss football for the odd weekend so we could do things as a family or have expressed my dislike at him coming in from a night out at 5am when we have children and other responsibilities.
He has mentioned occasions from 10+ years ago where I’ve asked him to forego football to spend the day with me after we’d been at work all week and I honestly don’t know how he can even remember specifics from that far back.
We both work full time and I work nights predominantly due to childcare.
Around 6 weeks ago he said he had hit his limit and wasn’t sure if he wanted to continue with our relationship. This threw me into a very dark place and I said I would take a step back in terms of losing my temper when I feel like I’m not being heard, which I’ve done, although he said this isn’t enough. I’m now on antidepressants, signed off sick from work and have a therapy appointment booked.
He has said he is done and is now looking for somewhere else to live but refuses to leave our home (rented not bought) until he has found somewhere. He has turned so cold towards me and acts like he hates me. I go from feeling devastated to angry and at this point feel as though I’m stuck in some awful limbo.
I’ve been in touch with a solicitor but was just hoping others who have been in the same boat could give me words of wisdom that things will feel less dark in time?
Thank you

Just gone to get pj's from my 12 yr old bedroom and ive came across a bunch of notes shes wrote saying die die die die over and over, Go kill your self, I want to die , teachers pet, no one lieks you, you make life harder, your not invited ect

Now this isnt the 1st time ive came across stuff like this but she only does these notes
when shes incredibly angry /had a friendship upset within school that day

Ive spoken to her and she assured me she doesn't feel like this but is so angry so likes to write it down. I am starting to get a bit concerned I wont lie, there was yet another huge falling out yesterday between her and some friends and im sure these are related with the context so theyve obviously been freshly wrote

Is it attention seeking behaviour is it quite normal at this age I really have no idea . We've had a huge change in her this year secondary school had made a huge impact and we have definitely entered the hormonal puberty stage

What is the one or two things in your kitchen that make you really happy with it?

We are looking to do some improvements to ours this year and I'm looking for inspiration.

Last night I returned back from a foreign holiday last night. I went with my parents and my godmother

At the foreign airport, DM cut her leg badly somehow with the either a luggage trolley or the barriers around the trolley park. Blood going everywhere. I have a phobia of blood and blacked out almost immediately. A couple of passengers ran into the terminal getting help. Whilst DF and GodM were getting tissues they had in their hand luggage. Another woman went up to my GodM and looked at me saying I’m a disgrace.

DM got first aid attention and was taken around the airport with assistance (airport was quiet). I recovered.

The four of us had a coffee, past security, and I went to the toilets with GodM. The woman who said I was a disgrace was there. She had a go at me. I said I have a blood phobia. She said I don’t care!

This woman’s attitude was horrible. I am not sure which flight she went on. She could have been on my flight- sitting on the opposite end of the plane.

I am still shaking from this woman’s attitude. I may not see her again.

I got this skirt in a charity shop today, will it look ridiculous on me:-

https://www.asos.com/miss-selfridge/miss-selfridge-tiered-maxi-gingham-skirt-in-red/prd/206722927

I bought a tiramisu from a supermarket yesterday. It was maybe 10 cm squared.

DH doesn’t usually buy desserts, he prefers to make them fresh. So I buy for myself and offer him some and sometimes he says yes. I think of them as mine though I’m usually happy to share. We don’t have a dessert every night.

I ate about 20% of it yesterday - it was delicious but it’s pretty rich and few spoonfuls are enough. I cut another 20% today after dinner for myself. I reminded DH we had tiramisu if he wanted some.

Baby was crying so I rushed through the tiramisu and went to settle them. I came back to find the rest of the tiramisu had gone! DH said I had eaten “half” (!) (Tbf he probably didn’t know I had some yesterday) so he had the other “half”. I’d been thinking I was going to save some for tomorrow. I’ve just looked at the box and it says it is 4 portions.

Is it fair to think of the desserts as mine? (DH is very generous with his baking but he’d definitely comment if I scoffed down most of his biscuits or whatever.)

Was it fair for DH to eat the rest of what I thought was my dessert?

Would it have been fair for me to have three portions (one yesterday, one today, one tomorrow) while DH has just one?

Semi-lighthearted. I’ll provide a bit more context later.

Time for another thread. Spring and Summer releases are trickling out to tempt us AND the advent calendar waitlists are appearing...hope you are all feeling suitably Christmassy. 😂

Thanks everyone who continues to contribute to the chatter and welcome to any newbies who want to join in.

Hi

im going to try and make this as concise as possible and for it to make sense, just feeling a bit down though and wondered if anyone had any advice

I’ve always been fine with my body- I’ve never had any issues, tbh I played a lot of sports and had a fast metabolism which runs in my family and I’ve never had any concerns about my weight. I thought I’d stayed a fairly similar weight but I’ve definitely filled out a bit more in certain areas as im in my mid 20s now but I’ve been fine with it

But recently one of my friends made a joke and called me fat. He said it in a banter sort of way and I don’t think it was meant to be hurtful, but he made a joke that I had gained lots of weight and was heavy/chunky.

it honestly felt like something in my brain clicked in that moment and ever since then I haven’t been able to look at my body the same way

the thing is, i KNOW im not fat. I can tell from the number on the scales and from looking in the mirror. I’m not posting on here for people to say ‘omg hun you’re soo skinny!’ and fishing for compliments because I know I’m not fat, but it’s like when I look in the mirror it’s as if I see something completely different now.

i went into river island the other day to try on a dress because I have an event soon and basically burst into tears in the changing room because all I could find was issues with my body- I’ve got cellulite on my legs, my arms are bigger than they used to be and I’ve got a fat roll between my arm and chest (like a fold of skin at my armpit when I hold my arm by my side)

it was awful, I tried on a dress which I loved but I was so upset I couldn’t even focus and just wanted to get out asap because I couldn’t stomach even looking at myself in the mirror

i took some photos at the time, and the weird thing is from looking at them I KNOW im not fat, im not trying to pretend I am, but its like when I look in the mirror my brain sees something totally different. When I look objectively at the picture I know I’m not fat, but then when I look at myself all I see is my issues and it’s like something has totally clicked in my brain after the joke my friend made

I tried to speak to my friends for advice but they rolled their eyes and did the whole ‘don’t pretend you’re fat for attention or compliments’ thing. I tried so hard to explain I know im not fat and im not trying to pretend to be so they can tell me how skinny i am, but it’s like when i look in the mirror i see a totally different person and all i can see is problems now and it genuinely feels like my brain has been warped

just wondered if anyone had any advice or tips or had experienced similar? I’m so self conscious now in everything I wear and every meal I eat now and it’s just so exhausting always worrying about my body x

Wes Streeting will reportedly resign as Health Secretary and trigger a leadership contest against Keir Starmer and it could be as soon as tomorrow.

Allies of Mr Streeting said he was “going to go for it” after he met the Prime Minister in Downing Street for just 16 minutes this morning.

A spokesman for the Health Secretary said he would not discuss his brief meeting with Sir Keir over fears it would overshadow the King’s Speech, which will take place later today at 11.40.

AIBU to assume that Streeting is in the final stages of preparing a coup for the Labour leadership and will very likely make his move tomorrow?

Hi all. I've got an 18mo DD who is just, a firecracker. She's always called a happy baby by everyone, and she is, but she's also absolutely savage and insane. Everything is a delight and a game and a reason to get overexcited.

Sometimes she gets handsy, other times she throws toys or pulls hair. With us, we don't mind so much but nursery have now put her on a behaviour plan! I never heard of such a thing.

When she started to be like this around 12-14mo we used to firmly tell her not to, remove her from the situation or toy or person, but not over labour the point so as not to give her attention over it. She loves the attention. We also got given a sticker chart and a set of laminated cards with red stop signs or happy or sad faces etc to help her identify her feelings or to know when to stop.

I know all toddlers can get this way but my older DD who's now 6 was never this bad. She's now on a behaviour plan where the nursery tries to track any triggers or particular people but they're not spotting any pattern. They ring us almost daily now with something she's done, and mostly she's not hurting other kids though there have been a couple of occasions of pushing or pulling. She knows how to say sorry and does it well, so understands the concepts of no or kind hands. But the thing is, for her, it's never a tantrum or upset or malicious behaviour it's the opposite- she's just happy and overexcited and misplaces the energy. She doesn't realise when she could hurt someone, she just has this thrilled look in her eye like it's all play.

At this point I genuinely feel like my little happy girl might be the first ever baby to get expelled from a nursery! I half feel indignant because, why are the nursery staff ringing me to check if I've been using the sticker chart properly when I'm at work... she's literally a 1 year old baby who can't speak yet. She's just about starting to pick up single words now. On the other hand, I know she's more demanding than my first and handsy and I'm starting to feel like a bad mum. But I literally don't know what else I can do? If I tell her off even more she just wiggles away or gets happier from the attention and eye contact. She's kind of feral but we love it and think it's just her baby nature and will grow out of it. But is there something I'm missing? Could we be trying something else? Any advice much appreciated! At this daily rate I'm sure they're going to tell us they can't handle her and we need to leave soon!

A friend is getting married in NYC later this year. The dress code is black tie. The venue has not been disclosed and will not be disclosed until the day of the event to avoid media attention as they are within the celebrity sphere (I know them through family and am very much not from this world)
Any advice on something suitably glamorous given there may be a few A listers present and I don’t want to look out of place? I’m 5’7, size 8-10. Budget not really an issue

Hi all,
Sorry long one but looking for some advice. Started seeing a man about 4 months ago. Very intense on his side. Asked me to be his girlfriend after a month. I posted before how he seemed to back off after asking me to become official.

Over the last 2 weeks, he started amping up the effort again. All week he’s been going on how he wanted me to meet his friends and invited me over to his to meet them on Saturday evening. One woman and a gay couple (all doctors who he works with). They all seemed nice but I instantly got a vibe off the woman one. She had her boobs pretty much hanging out of her crop top and despite talking about her boyfriend most of the evening, she kept glancing over at mine. Whenever I spoke, she would interrupt.

I left around 10:30 and the gay couple were booking an Uber at the same time. At this stage, boyfriend didn’t seem drunk at all. Maybe had 2 cans of over the 3 hour period I was there.

I received a soppy text that his friends thought I was lovely on the way home which I replied to that it was lovely meeting his friends and hope they had a great evening.

Didn't hear from him until last night. I instantly had a gut feeling especially as it was just him and the woman friend there. He was messaging how he was never drinking again and how he was stopping alcohol. I found this strange as he hardly drank infront of me.

He just messaged before that he had something to tell me and he’s been told he slept with someone after I left as he was ‘black out drunk’ (clearly the woman friend). Just sorry I didn’t mean to and we will need to break this off. I asked if it was his female friend and he replied I’m really sorry it wasn’t meant to happen.

I’ve blocked him on everything. The thing is, this woman has been coming up in my people you may know on Facebook for weeks. I’ve clicked on her profile just before and she’s been with her boyfriend since childhood! He’s tagged in her profile picture so I’ve found his profile.

WIBU to message him and inform him she’s cheated or would that be being petty and open a can of worms?

Advice appreciated!

Long story short we went to Disney couple of years ago - kids wanted to go back so will be going for two weeks in October half term.

Sister's kids are desperate to go, but as a family it's out of their budget. We have a great relationship with sister and BIL, but don't want to offend them (well him I know sister would be delighted)

How do we go about offering, I was thinking probably speak with her first?

Just looking for some advice/reassurance from anyone who’s been through similar ❤️

My little boy is almost 2. He’s really social, lovely, affectionate and engaging. He initiates interaction, loves people, understands lots, and all his other development seems on track.

But he still doesn’t say any words at all — not even consistent animal noises or play sounds. He’s had his hearing checked and that was all fine.

We’ve seen speech therapy and AAC was suggested, but there’s no regular therapy at the moment. We’ve also been consistently using all the strategies the speech therapist suggested for over 6 months now.

Since he was born we’ve constantly read to him, sung to him, talked to him, engaged with him, played with him, and taken him to groups/classes, so I don’t feel like it’s a lack of interaction or stimulation.

He’s also been using signs since around 9–10 months old. Very occasionally he’ll do an animal noise or sound once, and then not do it again for months. Sometimes it honestly feels more like regression than progress, which is what worries me.

Everyone keeps telling me to “wait and see” but I just have this feeling that it’s more than just being a late talker.

I think what confuses me is that he’s so connected socially and seems bright in every other way.

Would really appreciate hearing from parents whose children were similar around this age. Did speech come later? Was there eventually a diagnosis or was it just a speech delay? Did anything help?

I went part-time when I had my first child, and my second is starting school in Sept.

DP and I pay 50% of the mortgage and household bills each (before I went part time, and throughout maternity leave, I paid more). I said I would go back to full-time work when DC were at school but now… I don’t want to? AIBU?

I didn’t know which category to put this in! Would especially love to hear opinions from seasoned campers and vanners.
we need to release money for our sons house deposit. We don’t have it all so would remortgage for some of it.
we have a VW campervan which we could sell
basically the financial difference between keeping or selling the van would be around £400 over 4 and a half years.
just writing it out here it seems like a no brainer!
but we do love our weekends in the van. Anyone switched to a tent from a van and kept their relationship intact? We tend to just do weekends.

I've been at my job for 3 years and recently raised to my manager that I do more than is in my JD and would like my salary to be reviewed. They agreed and also said they would like to change some aspects of my JD. I was then informed that because my JD and salary are changing I will need to re-interview for my job and it will be externally advertised too.

I have a job interview for another job of much higher pay for similar work, I'm in the mindset now of fuck my current job and put all my time outside of work towards preparing for this other interview.

Any advice or thoughts on this??

I'm so annoyed and humiliated that I'll possibly lose my current job to a better candidate

I recently worked out my pension (combo of state, private and work) is worth £57,000 a year. This might not sound like a lot but I currently earn £45,000 a year. It struck me as strange that my pension is more than my current salary. I started my private pension in my early 20s and am now mid 40s so have been contributing a long time.

Everyday currently feels like a slog and the money doesn’t go far. I am working hard on trying to increase my income but not making much progress.

I am still 20 years off retirement so there is still hope for progression but at the moment it seems so strange that I have to wait for retirement to be better off.

Am I doing it all wrong and putting too much money in my pension pots? Or am I deluded and this is actually a measly pension?

mumsnetters please help!

DH and I have 12k worth of credit cards debt between us - this is a mixture of doing up our house and then shoving a holiday on cards because we needed a break after the renovations, by this point DS hadn’t been away for 3 years either. So it’s not overspending- I know where it came from.

I now want to clear this debt very fast!! Within 3 to 4 months, we have the income to clear it down at a rate of 3200 a month. With all other bills paid.

this would mean 4 extremely TIGHT months. No coffee out, no takeaways….. nothing.

i have budgeted 600 pounds a month for food and household consumables such as laundry liquids etc. DH doesn’t believe this is possible!! We are two adults and one very hungry boy.

who is BU! Me or him 👍

I am pregnant with my second child, have a 21 month toddler at home. My parents live 15 minutes away & I asked my mum if they would have my toddler when I’m giving birth.
Last week she called me and said that I should push for a c section so I can plan childcare and as I’m no good at giving birth (I had a difficult labour with a major haemorrhage however no current plans with the consultant to have a c section). I explained even with a c section I don’t think it’s as easy as having a set date as emergencies can come in closer to the time etc & I could go into labour naturally beforehand anyway.
She said regardless I should prepare to be giving birth on my own (as that’s what she had to do, although this was because her parents were in another country) and that she will have my toddler on the weekend if I give birth then, however unwilling during the week / in the night to have him. I said I wasn’t comfortable ideally being on my own & that my dh also wanted to be there for the birth. To which she said that’s tough and whatever ends up happening I’ll have to deal with & I need to relax. We also don’t have any other family around, my dh parents are not here anymore so hence my desperation I guess to confirm childcare while I’m in labour.

My mum does work full time, however has A/L days (which I know as I offered to pay her for having him if I give birth in the week if she didn’t have A/L left) & my dad works evenings / nights so is at home for majority of the day time, I appreciate if he was woken up to have my toddler, he’d be very tired however I feel like I’m not asking them to do this so I can go on a night out or holiday but to literally birth my second child where my first is not allowed to be with me.
My parents don’t provide any childcare for my toddler, I understand they don’t want to have him on the weekends / evenings & I have never asked them to & he goes to nursery for childcare when I’m working. This might contribute to them not feeling comfortable in having him, however she’s expressed they don’t want to have him on their own in their free time.

In general I don’t ask them for anything, which I know I’m not entitled to anything from them however maybe now as a parent I personally cannot comprehend the reluctance to provide support with my toddler while I’m in labour as I know I would not be that way with my children. I’ve heard people struggle for labour childcare when their parents/ family are ill or live far away etc but not when we live in the same town.

A difference of opinion I guess between us but just hurts when it’s on the receiving end from your own mum.