AIBU to message her boyfriend and tell him she slept with mine?

[Beeloux]

Hi all,
Sorry long one but looking for some advice. Started seeing a man about 4 months ago. Very intense on his side. Asked me to be his girlfriend after a month. I posted before how he seemed to back off after asking me to become official.

Over the last 2 weeks, he started amping up the effort again. All week he’s been going on how he wanted me to meet his friends and invited me over to his to meet them on Saturday evening. One woman and a gay couple (all doctors who he works with). They all seemed nice but I instantly got a vibe off the woman one. She had her boobs pretty much hanging out of her crop top and despite talking about her boyfriend most of the evening, she kept glancing over at mine. Whenever I spoke, she would interrupt.

I left around 10:30 and the gay couple were booking an Uber at the same time. At this stage, boyfriend didn’t seem drunk at all. Maybe had 2 cans of over the 3 hour period I was there.

I received a soppy text that his friends thought I was lovely on the way home which I replied to that it was lovely meeting his friends and hope they had a great evening.

Didn't hear from him until last night. I instantly had a gut feeling especially as it was just him and the woman friend there. He was messaging how he was never drinking again and how he was stopping alcohol. I found this strange as he hardly drank infront of me.

He just messaged before that he had something to tell me and he’s been told he slept with someone after I left as he was ‘black out drunk’ (clearly the woman friend). Just sorry I didn’t mean to and we will need to break this off. I asked if it was his female friend and he replied I’m really sorry it wasn’t meant to happen.

I’ve blocked him on everything. The thing is, this woman has been coming up in my people you may know on Facebook for weeks. I’ve clicked on her profile just before and she’s been with her boyfriend since childhood! He’s tagged in her profile picture so I’ve found his profile.

WIBU to message him and inform him she’s cheated or would that be being petty and open a can of worms?

Advice appreciated!

I wouldn't. I'd maintain my dignity and just move on. It's petty to try and ruin her very long term relationship out of wounded pride with a bloke you've only known 4 months.

Chalk it up to experience. He sounds a tosser anyway.

Leave it be. You don’t want to set a bloke off, you don’t know if your ex or her boyfriend could turn nasty let alone her. Dont blow your life up to get revenge because you’re more likely to get hurt.

You don’t know for certain that was her so I’d just wash my hands of it

Thanks both, you’re right. Hopefully her partner finds out on his own accord if it was indeed her.

Honestly it doesn’t sound like he really cared to make it last with you. I wouldn’t get involved in their messy shit. Hold your head up high.

I’d definitely tell him. You’re not burning any bridges so fuck it.

If it was indeed her? You are not even sure??!

When I asked if it was his female friend who was also there, he just replied I’m so sorry it didn’t mean to happen.

I take that as it is her alongside her behaviour on the night. I may be wrong though.

Don’t stoop to any level - just walk away with your dignity. Sorry this all happened to you.

Do it

I’d do whatever it was that made me feel better and then just block all of them and never go near them again. You can do much better than getting mixed up in this crap.

Throw her under the bus and let her BF know she’s shagged your fella. No sympathy. 👊

What a dick move - keep him blocked and move on.

Wouldn’t bother things like this often backfire
there already friends Legitimately spend time together
your not sure it’s her you’ll come across as crazy ex

I am tired of always having to be the bigger person whilst everyone else seems to do whatever the fuck they want. Fuck her, fuck him, tell her partner.

Surely this is about that person's sexual health. She is putting her boyfriend at risk as he probably doesn't know she is having sex with people other than him. I would tell him out of courtesy. She might do this a lot.

I think I wouldn't phrase it as revenge but out of concern for his health. You are lucky he fessed up immediately otherwise he could have been risking your sexual health.

My friend luckily had symptoms, went to the GP and was then diagnosed with chlamydia. She had caught it from her boyfriend of 1 year. Turns out his ex fiance who he dated before my friend had been cheating on him and he had no idea until he told her he had chlamydia and she confessed to having slept with two other people in the 5 years they were together.

He was devastated that he put my friend's health at risk. They realise now that both of them should have had a sexual health check before becoming sexually active together.

But you dont actually know it was her ? You just know he slept with someone ? I mean it probably is but I wouldn't be phone up a random stranger unless I was pretty darn certain

Thanks all! I was thinking of the STI risk (I’ve just ordered a test).

Come to think of it, he went quiet all day after a doctors ball he went to with her a few weeks ago.

I’ll sleep on it and let my anger surpass. I’m getting more wound up thinking about it as she kept going what a lovely couple we looked. One of the gay friends complimented me on my looks, straight away she butted in saying what about me!

I know this sounds awful but both him and the friend are obese and nothing to look at. It’s definitely bruised my ego a bit. 🙃

I’m looking at it as he’s done me a favour. I wasn’t physically attracted to him and have been hoping to end things for a while. He kept mentioning his depression which made me feel guilty about ending things.

Going to stay single and work on my boundaries.

I'm not sure I'd believe him. Sounds a convenient way to break up with you, no need to think up a way to explain it, minimal risk of you trying to talk him into working things out, or even contacting him again at all. Pretty clean break for him.
You could blow things up for a woman who is innocent.

No man confesses to cheating when they haven't just to get rid of a girlfriend! Don't be so silly

That has came to mind too. I tried ending things a few weeks ago as he seemed to have backed off and wasn’t putting any effort in. He suddenly ramped it back up.

The fact he’s ended things abruptly at the same time makes me think he was looking for a way out.

Just move on why wallow in drama and use multiple forms of protection

Well that's kind of the point, silly! He ended the relationship, there was no need to "confess" anything was there? People only tend to confess to cheating when they're about to get caught out and want to get on top of it to save the relationship.

I don’t get the impression OP is wanting to tell him because she is concerned for his sexual health, it may of crossed her mind now it’s been mentioned but I doubt that was her reason for wanting to contact him

I’d get him to admit it was her and then tell her bf. No bridges to burn so you’ll be doing him a favour!