ds is going to starve at nursery!and no sleep!

[snowfallinthesahara]

im getting back to work 1.5 days a week starting 20th june--5 hrs on a tues and 12 hours at a stretch on a fri and i honestlt think 7 month old ds is going to starve at nursery and with mil.
hes not taking to the bottle,drinks a bit after a great fuss and after a month's strike(he was a fab eater) is kinnnd of coming around to eating-only with me tho!
also,basically he needs the b/feed for comfort more than anything else during the day before his naps so i just dont think he'll get any sleep either!!!
i think ive been a terrible mother not training him properly beforehand but the decision to get back was properly made just abt 2 months ago.
im persisting with the bottle during the day now and am visiting my sister,so she tries to put him to sleep by rocking him--but all this works only verrry occasionally.
i am truly worried.

he will eat when he is hungry, and he should sleep when he is tired.

And of course you're not a terrible mother!

I know how worrying this is because I lived through it five years ago. DD would NOT take a bottle - we tried eight different kinds of teats, every kind of milk (including expressed) and we persevered for ten weeks - an hour or more each day screaming her head off and refusing point blank to take it from me or from anyone else. I was a nervous wreck when I returned to work and left her at a nursery. They assured me that she would take it when she was hungry enough. The first three days were awful. She practically latched onto me as I walked into the nursery she was so hungry, and to be honest I considered giving it all up. On day four I walked through the door to find her lying in her key worker's lap drinking her fifth bottle of the day. I know you are desperate. I know you will be even worse for the first few days. They DO take a bottle in the end. Even the stubbornest of them! Try to stay calm (easy to say five years down the track). Hope this helps a little.

He will be fine especially at nursery. Peer pressure is an amazing thing. If he sees others getting food and eating it, he will eat and the same thing for milk.
It might take a couple of days but it will be easier for him to take the milk from someone who doesn't have 'another option' which you do.

I haven't ever heard of a child starving to death by going to nursery - I don't think yours will be the first. Sleep on the other hand is different - but they just sleep more the following day to make up for any shortfall.

tbh kids are totally different when they aren't with you .. even when they're babies

it is far harder for a mummy who smells of delicious breast milk to bottle feed a bf baby or even give him solids if he's being narky

if I were you I would start settling him in now with MIL and nursery .. as in leave him for a few hours, then a day then however long it will be

he won't starve honestly he won't

Oh smowfall, I am in exatly the same situation as you - except I am going back to work full-time in less than 4 weeks and DS will only be 5 months old - sooooo stressed about it all and is ruining the last weeks of maternity leave. I too feel like a COMPLETELY failed mother. DS has refused bottle since first tried at 3 weeks old and does not self-soothe for naps (usually BF to sleep or car or out in buggy or sometimes hairdryer or very very occasionally rocked!!!) - have tried pat-shush, etc etc and he just bawls his head off. I am so worried he will not sleep all day at nursery and then will be hell at night. As for the starving thing, I am now trying the Doidy cup and he will take about an ounce of milk from it now and again - which is progress as he will not have anything to do with a bottle, turns his face up in disgust when it come near him. I am hoping he will survive in nursery on some milk from Doidy and some solids - I have trawled mumsnet for advice on this and you might like to read this for some reassurance

I really do empathise with you - this is not how I imagined I'd spend the last weeks of my maternity leave - can't sleep at night for thinking about it. Will keep fingers crossed for you - let us know how it all goes.

I went back to work full time when dd was 4 months old, and by that time she hadn't taken a drop from a bottle. I was very anxious about that, and even tried to get her to take solids so she wouldn't go hungry. I had visions of me ducking out of work for an hour twice a day to b/feed her, but it was never needed. Some days she took the milk, some days she didn't same for the food. She made up for it by b/feeding more when I got home. She didn't starve.

I was asked by the nursery to provide a "comforter" that smelled of me to help her settle, and whipped off my T-shirt there and then- she's used it ever since and she's now 3!

Nursery nurses are quite used to settling babies and I'm sure it's easier for them, as they don't have the Mum's anxiety that baby can pick up on.

Your baby will be fine.

Comforter is a good idea Tissy - I will certainly steal that one. So good to hear others have experienced this - feel somewhat reassured - isn't Mumsnet brill...

Can you start ds at the nursery before you go back to work? We were in the same position as you (remember sitting on the stairs crying as dh tried to give dd a bottle). We put her into nursery a week or two before I went back , which worked really well as for the first few days I had to gallop up there at during the day to feed her. I can't remember how long it took, but once she started taking from the bottle she didn't look bcak.

Oh, we also tried a million different kinds of teat - she ended up with foul looking brown ones as the only ones she would drink from (NUK?)

Snowfall - definately worth trying a cup rather than a bottle. That's exactly what my HV recommended (though we've just got dd onto a bottle because she's enjoying sucking her fingers and got into sucking on the bottle at the same time).

As for sleep, I was worried too becuase dd has always been hopeless for day sleeps & is usually fed to sleep. BUT, dh and nursery seem to get her to sleep by gently rocking her bouncer chair (with her in it ). She hates feeling excluded so protests when put in a cot but if she thinks she's still part of the action she nods off in the bouncer (it's almost flat so I think it's ok for naps).

Also def worth some familiarisation visits. I did 2 x 2 hour visits with her then left her the next day for an hour then yesterday for 2 hours then today all morning. So far so good. She's had some naps & fed from a bottle at nursery so that's it I'm refusing anymore!

Me finding a quiet, locked office to express at work on the other hand - now that's a different story

Snowfall he will be fine!!! Really!!!

My ds goes to a childminder and when he is tired he gets onto her sofa and goes off to sleep.

This is the child who REFUSED to sleep at all for 12 months without a boob / car journey / ride in buggy and will only sleep at home now in a darkened room with comfort blanket etc.

He would never just fall asleep like that at home.

So don;t necessarily expect him to behave as he does with you.

Good luck!

thanx so so much for all the help,this is the Best place for help,honestly!
am still in dubai with my sis n mum--and trust me,this does Not feel like a vacation!
hes just fine when hes fed & b/fed to sleep..but those two main things are just the same!
i shudder to think about the amount of money spent on different bottles/tins of formula milk & ebm gone to Waste!!
and i think im taking out all my frustration on my poor mum & sis

i know ive cut it really close to my return to work,but cdnt see the folks with their varying schedules at any other time--
getting back this thurs & hv called the nursery from HERE to book sessions b4 work starts next fri..hope to fit in atleast 3 & think ill leave him with my mum here for 2-3 hrs while i go to hairdressers(finally!)

magscat-ive definitely got visions of running out of work to b/fed him!trying him on a feeder cup,he takes some water/juice from it when-in-the-mood!!

bluegirl-lemme know how it goes!!

My ds started nursery at the same age. Don't worry, your ds, like mine, will be FINE (honest). He's done so well at nursery - gained immensely from all the activities they do, the wonderful, caring and knowledgeable staff and being around lots of other children. It's been a really positive experience. When I turn up to take him home he's really excited and leaps into my arms, but if one of his favourite members of staff is around he'll often run back to them for a hug too, which I think is a really good sign that he's happy and secure. He'll take me round the room to show me everything he's been playing with.
Of course you are worried - who wouldn't be - but it WILL be ok. Honest.

i was wondering-does having different carers at nursery upset them?since the key carer may not always be available-on hol/sick/left work,etc..

Snow-sahara - I know how worried you are, and after months of absolutely every attempt, DS never did take a bottle. He started drinking from those avent spouts by about 8 months, but that was it. And he wouldn't even when v hungry. I would pick him up from nursery and he had had maybe 2.5 ounces all day. For MONTHS.

BUT he would eat from a spoon when hungry, and I used to ask the nursery to make up baby rice etc with formula or ebm and to mix it in to veg puree etc. it is surprising how much milk gets consumed if you are cunning.

yup blu,thats a good idea!i mix some formula into his food purees..d'u know im mainly worried abt the 11 hr stretch hes going to be away from me..will just hv to bf him in the morn b4 i leave and soon as i get back at nite.
but think ill hv to nip out to the nursery at lunch to start with or will solids suffice?

Just an update in case anyone out there is in a similar situation - there is hope!! Whilst DS (5 months) continues to refuse all bottles and sippy cups put before him - he will take enough from the Doidy cup to do him during the day - I did a 'trial' work day when I fed him in the morning and left him with my sister and she gave him his fruit and veg purees throughout the day and offered him the bottle or milk from the Doidy cup - and, yes, he chose the Doidy cup and would have nothing to do with the bottle. So I am now back to work full-time and he has chosen to survive on fruit and veg purees (with some formula mixed in) and few ounces of milk from doidy in the day (am sure he will gradually take more) and wait for me to feed him in the evening. He is perfectly happy with the arrangement and wants nothing to do with a bottle! Am just so happy to have at last resolved this issue as I spent the last 2 months of my maternity leave worrying about it! I have a very stubborn, determined DS who has kindly compromised a bit!

Snowfall - hope you have resolved your problems as well????