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Original poster

That's it I have to give up the one career I have ever wanted. I have been backed into a corner and I am devastated. Please talk to me.

29 replies

eenybeeny · 06/08/2008 18:16

I have been training to be a CM. Which I really want to do. Basically I cant find a landlord who will accept a CM living in their house. The only way I can have a decent house in a decent area (nothing grand - DECENT) is to give up CMing and stock shelves at Tescos

I was an admin/PA before I had my DS and I wont put him in childcare so I cant work during the day. Looks like I am back to working at night doing menial unfulfilling work because otherwise I wont have a place to live. I cant believe this is happening to me. There is no solution for me, no give. I have to choose between putting DS in childcare and going back to work during the week or working nights doing shit. My passion is CM that is what I was born to do. So there you go. Another sacrifice I have had to make.

DH goes to work and earns his money. I am supposed to do all childcare AND earn money. Rather like pulling a rabbit out of a hat.

OP posts:
annh · 06/08/2008 18:27

What about becoming a nanny instead? If you have childminding quals, CRB etc you would be well-placed to look for something where you could bring your son with you. Otherwise, what about looking for work in a nursery where your son could also possibly attend.

Why are you so violently opposed to putting your son in childcare? It seems a bit unusual for someone who is setting up as a childcarer themselves.

llynnnn · 06/08/2008 18:29

sorry you are having difficulties. u say your dh works and your childminding business would bring in money, can you not afford to buy something?

sorry probably not helpful but wish u all the best!

AvenaLife · 06/08/2008 18:32

I think some landlords have restrictions on people runing a business in their house because it can invalidate their insurance. I feel for you, I really do. It can be so hard working and looking after a child. My ds is at school but I am finding it really hard to find a job that works around his school hours and pays a decient salary. I have just written a childrens book so I'm trying to work out where to go from here.

Have you thought of being a nanny instead? This way you get to work out of their house. Some families will let you take your child with you to work.

Original poster
eenybeeny · 06/08/2008 18:33

oh fgs I never said I was violently opposed to anything and I never got judgey for those who do. I have chosen not to put him in childcare. It took me 4 years to have him and I may never have another and I dont want to miss any time with him at all. Doesnt mean I look down on people in other situations or think childcare is inherently wrong.

I will look into nannying.

OP posts:
Original poster
eenybeeny · 06/08/2008 18:34

I wouldnt even have the first idea how to go about looking for a nannying job but I will start doing that ASAP.

OP posts:
ilovemydog · 06/08/2008 18:37

Could you ask landlords what their objection is as far as you doing CM'ing?

Is it that the house will get trashed? That their insurance doesn't cover it? Either way, you could come up with solutions and propose a way forward?

Original poster
eenybeeny · 06/08/2008 18:39

I have done that, relentlessly. They just say, almost unanimously, that their insurance advises against it. It doesnt seem to matter I would be insured myself to the hilt.

OP posts:
juneybean · 06/08/2008 18:41

Look for a nanny agency in your area and they will meet with you to discuss what jobs you are after and will help you to match you to a family

expatinscotland · 06/08/2008 18:42

It's usually that their insurance won't gover it in a tenant, ilove.

Original poster
eenybeeny · 06/08/2008 18:44

thanks juneybean - sorry i know this sounds so thick but I am shattered and exhausted and crying and not thinking properly. Can you spell out to me, how do I find nannying agencies??? I guess look on the net... but is there anything specific I should look for? I dont know where to start, I am just bewildered right now.

OP posts:
Twinkie1 · 06/08/2008 18:53

Sorry eeny but those are the breaks I am afraid - we all have to deal with childcare and working hours and if you are making the decision not to put your child into daycare then you are the one who is reducing your career options no one else.

I have been the PA to the Chairman of a major worldwide investment bank but I am going to start looking for a job in a supermarket when DS goes to school to earn a bit of cash - it is not demenaing - if it is the only job open to you then you do it.

If stacking shelves at midnight at Tescos means you will be able to stay at home with DS and bring in enough to keep the family on the straight and narrow financially then it is something you have to do for now - life will change, you may be able to buy a house at some stage and then do childminding but not at the moment.

expatinscotland · 06/08/2008 18:55

Dh used to stack shelves and work tills.

Now, he works in a hotel and does a bit of everything, although primarily he drives around punters because he has a mini-bus license.

It's not demeaning. It's an honest job and because it's shifts he gets to be home more often during the day.

ilovemydog · 06/08/2008 18:56

So, you can't do child minding at your house.

Aren't there any other possibilities, such as contacting other child minders and do 'relief' type work? Or double up with another CM so they could accomodate more children?

allgonebellyup · 06/08/2008 18:57

i work as a nanny where i take my son along, it works out great actually, and is a lot better money than childminding!

All you normally need is childcare experience (which you have!), sometimes a CRB,sometimes first aid, and a couple of good references, or even just one.

Look at Gumtree and Nannyjob, this is where i get all my jobs, and is how i keep a roof over my (single) head!
You have nothing to lose, and even more money to gain!

Original poster
eenybeeny · 06/08/2008 19:48

I didnt say it was demeaning (did I?!?!?!) I just dont want to do it. I have done it before and I was working towards a happier career. But as you say its choices I make. Forget it.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 06/08/2008 19:49

some good suggestions here, though, eeny! on some alternatives to combine workign with children and not having to pay out for childcare .

Collision · 06/08/2008 19:51

people are trying to help you eeny.

leave it for now and calm down, take stock and come back tomorrow.

Original poster
eenybeeny · 06/08/2008 19:56

I agree there are good suggestions.

I was responding to the "demeaning" stuff - I never said it. I have stocked shelves etc I just dont want to. I want to do something I am passionate about.

Also to Twinkie (who I know in RL and like very much) I didnt appreciate your comments, it made it sound as if I felt I was above this, or that I didnt understand what choices I made etc. Just seemed more rude and less supportive when someone is clearly distressed and going through a persistently hard time. I would not have responded to someone in that tone.

OP posts:
morningpaper · 06/08/2008 20:03

eeny you sound very unhappy but there is lots of positive advice here and I think Twinkie's advice is very straight-talking and sensible (AND she is right - things will change, there is LOTS of time to explore lots of other possibilities)

Original poster
eenybeeny · 06/08/2008 20:15

ok then. Thank you!

OP posts:
HappyMummyOfOne · 06/08/2008 20:24

A lot of landlords insurance exclude tennants that run a business from home, a lot exclude childminders due to the wear and tear etc so combine the two and it will mean a lot of landlords cant accept childminders as tennants.

You say you want the job as you are passionate about it, realistically I expect its not the actual job but the fact that it will allow you to work and have your own child at home. There are other types of jobs that you can do from home, perhaps you need to widen your search a little.

juneybean · 06/08/2008 21:51

Eeeny where abouts are you?? I'll try and find an agency for you.

But like allgone said www.nannyjob.com is a good one

Twinkie1 · 07/08/2008 08:17

Eeny I wasn't being mean really I just think if something can't be fixed because of something ou something out of your control - the landlord thing with the childminding - there is no point getting so upset about it.

No one is standing in your way of being a childminder it is just the way insurance works means that you cannot do it in a rented house - end of story so there is no point working yourself into this state, maybe it was something you should have looked into before going down the training route.

As for being unsupportive I do find that in times of crisis I become the voice of reason not the there there shoulder to cry on person, I am a doer have always been. I look at your situation and think it is something that is at present insurmountable and really not worth the tears and the histronics - it is something you cannot change - yes, I understand you haven't had the best time of late, I understand that your landlady was a cow and didn't want you running a business in her premises (but looking at that now it seems the norm!) but in the grand scheme of things they aren't worth this heartache - you have to gather yourself and come back stronger look at what you can do and start researching that path and changing your aspirations a little.

chelsygirl · 07/08/2008 08:19

eenybeeny, snap, I know exactly where you're coming from

chelsygirl · 07/08/2008 08:24

twinkie, that was a geat post!