My boss is a rude cow!

[albert]

I am sitting in my office in tears...again! My boss has just been soo rude to me ... again! Even DS who is 4 has better manners than she does and is certainly considerably more polite. I have told DH that resignation is imminent and he is fine with that. The only reason that I'm here is because all my wages are being put away for DS's future and I don't want to stop that but I'm not sure that I can put up with this any longer. I have requested meetings with my boss to discuss the situation but since she is not even acknowleding me it has come to nothing. My work is not in question and to be honest I don't know what her problem is. But now I'm just so angry and upset that I'm trying not to do something stupid. Anyone been here? I don't know what to do and I just feel so helpless.

I'd resign - if the job is PURELY to put money away for DS find something that you're actually going to enjoy, with a boss that isn't going to be rude to you.

I'd instigate grievance procedure and then, if it didn't get resolved, I'd resign. you've nothing to lose by the sound of it. Poor you, what a nasty and unprofessional woman she is.

Right, sitting here with a cup of tea now (I'm sooo English!) trying to calm down. Gwenick, you are so right, I just needed someone to say it. The chances of getting another job are slim though as I live in Italy and am not yet fluent in Italian although I can get by no problem. The other issue is that I work for the United Nations who are a law unto themselves and I'm slightly concerned that resignation will reflect badly on my record and may prevent future employment with them. I have worked for them for 10 years, but only in this office for 1 year, my pension is with them and I have to cash it if I'm not working for them. Maybe I should put that in DS's fund. Who do I address my resignation letter to? Her or office Director? WWWW what exactly is a grievance procedure although I doubt that the UN would have such a thing but you never know.

I bet there is a grievance procedure. Do you have an HR or personnel dept? Call them and ask. Or is there an intranet with policies and procedures and contacts on it? If so, look there. Could you get an internal transfer if it's just this woman? But you shouldn't have to, you should find a way to work with her or stop her behaviour. Why should you have to leave a job you like because she is rude and unprofessional?

I would speak to the Office Director, put your grievances in writing and make it clear that the reason you feel forced to resign is because of your treatment

Is there a human resources dept? can you ask to be transferred to another office instead?

Snap WWW

So I'm saying don't resign yet, see if you can sort the situation out first. A grievance procedure is a clear set of rules employees must follow if they have a grievance against someone/the company. It usually means you bring up your issue, this is considered, steps for resolution are discussed and agreed and implemented. There is then guidance about what happens if this doesn't resolve the situation. No organisation is allowed to be completely a law unto themselves, even if it is the UN!

There must be a HR department, isn't there...I would request a meeting with them and take some specific notes as to when she has been rude and what she has said. You always need specifics if you want to make a complaint stand....

No HR or Personnel Dept here as we are only a small office of 20 people, which makes the chances of an internal transfer rather slim and then of course I would always be bumping into her. I will talk to the Director tomorrow, he is in HQ(Paris) right now. He is a fellow Brit and very approachable but I don't want to sound like a whinging woman. I'm trying to compose my resignation letter now but don't want to get too personal because of what I mentioned previously about it going on my record.

put in writing a list of all the things you think you would like him to know .. that way you can look at it again in a couple of hours to see which ones are worth raising and which will make you seem like a 'whinging cow'

it is important that you approach this professionally .. ie I need to talk to you about this because if it isn't resolved I will need to resign .. think of how you would best like it resolved, how you need her behaviour to change, and how you might change your own behaviour

write down anything and everything that springs to mind, then when calmer go through it all and cross out those you feel may be irrelevant

don't forget if she makes you so miserable, she will also be diong it to other people

HTH

I'm sure if they DID put it on your record, and stopped you getting a job later on with them (if you so wanted) you'd have a pretty strong case of discrimination against them!

I wouldn't resign in these circumstances, I'd definitely do the greivance procedure thing, if it exists. Don't know anything about Italian employment law, but under English law, if you went through a greivance procedure and it didn't work, you might have a case for constructive dismissal in these circumstances.

Or instead of writing a letter of resignation, why don't you be really rude to her back? If you've got to the stage of wanting to leave the job, you really don't have much to lose, do you? And you never know, it might cause her to pause and stop, and even think about how she should manage you properly. And it would make you feel better!

What exactly has happened? What has she said or done? Any idea why? Does she want you to leave? Does she feel threatened by you? Is there someone she wants to give your job to?

Good idea Twiglett about the list of grievances I'll make and appointment to see the Director and present it to him for consideration. And I love the idea of being rude to her but I really don't want to stoop as low as her.
Two odd things just happened: 1. she called me into her office (by phone although she is only next door) with some work for me to do and was actually reasonably civilised, by her standards.
2. Someone has just told me that one of the other staff is looking for a person to do exactly what I am doing for her and they thought I might be interested!
See, I told you it was a small office! Only one person saw me in tears but maybe that's all it takes.

albert - perhaps they saw you in tears - saw the website you were one and had a nosey to see what you were saying - maybe they even printed it out and showed it to her (or emailed her page) probably gave her a bit of a shock thinking someone might take grievance procedure against her

albert, you do have an HR dept, look here

Aloha, I don't know what happened really but I can pinpoint it to the begining of December when she walked out of a top-level meeting to get a document which she couldn't find. She then shrieked and yelled at me to which I had to ask her to calm down as she was shouting so much I couldn't work out what she wanted! I think that is what she didn't like, that I, as her assistant had told her to calm down. Now she questions my every move, at one point she would not sign my leave requests or my pay release (that took a week to get her to sign although she had no right not to sign). Although she walks past my office on the way to her's she does not acknowledge me much less say good morning and if she does bother to talk to me it is always demeening,critical and questioning with lots of sighing. Actually, now I come to think about it, when I was sick in November she kept calling me at home and I felt at the time that she was checking up to make sure I really was ill and not just skiving! I was only off for one day! I can't imagine that she feels threatened by me workwise, she is highly intelligent and I am her personal assistant, administrator, secretary.

Well she sounds out of control. You do need to bring this up, DON'T resign, get her behaviour sorted out, it's TOTALLY unacceptable!

Oh WWW thank you. I might call them in Paris (that should be interesting) Two more people have just come to see me, very concerned, news travels fast. Usually I am very happy and smiley so when people see me in tears it's a bit of a shock.
Only 30 minutes to go until I can go home for the day, must say I'm feeling much better now thanks to you all.

Marvellous! Don't write that letter yet! Keep a written record of everything that's happened too so you can refer to it in any meetings about it. Have a nice rest of the day and try not to think about bitch boss once you get home!

Albert, WWW talks good sense, as usual, listen to her! I hope you are having a better day today.

Just to update you on the situation. Yesterday I saw the Director armed with my list and he was, as expected, very sympathetic and understanding telling me she is young and unexperienced and asking me not to resign. I made it clear that whilst I have no wish to resign from the organisation it is not possible for me to continue working with her. I have another appointment to see him tomorrow. Depending on the outcome of that meeting I may or maynot resign. I had a meeting with 'her' this morning and really we just proved that we cannot work together and have no interests in doing so.