Thinking of quitting

[Inthetreehouseatlast]

I’m a single parent to teens and work two jobs which equal full time hours. One is NHS hospital based and Band 5. The other is wfh university role which pays equivalent to Band 6 ish. My mental health has been awful this year due to my mum having a cancer diagnosis plus dementia, menopause, family estrangement and a break up that really hurt.

I have been underperforming at my wfh uni job for months now. I hate being alone at home (yes I could commute to office but hardly anyone there and it eats into money/time), I can’t focus and I find the work dull. I have no motivation and my mind just races. I’m so behind now with emails and tasks and am just fire-fighting. I did take 2 weeks off sick with MH. I feel like I just want to quit the uni job. My other job can’t offer my more than 25 hours for now, although this will likely change at some point. I would have to go on universal credit. My teens are doing GCSEs and need me. Right now, they get stressed me … I’m physically present but so worried about work that I can’t relax.

Im having counselling and trying to fix myself but I’m so burnt out and exhausted. Would it be insane to resign from my better paid uni job and temporarily go on UC? Maybe look at doing a part time masters to improve prospects? I’m terrified about pension as I’m lasted 40s and don’t have much of one. Just can’t decide what to do.

Considering your current mental health and wellbeing concerns, I would resign from the uni job. If your health worsens and it affects your ability to carry out your NHS job as well, it will be worse overall. If you apply for UC, you will likely be asked about your level of working hours and may need to discuss with your work coach your current health difficulties.
Edited to add: if your NHS job brings home approx £1000 per month or more which i would think it likely did, you should be placed in the light touch category regarding UC work expectation anyway so this shouldn't be an issue.

@LilyBunch25thank you for your perspective. I do want to resign but just feel like a failure in doing so.

Yes, it would bring in more than £1000 per month. I’m not sure if I would be sanctioned though for leaving my other job.

I don't think you should feel like a failure- I recently changed jobs completely due to severe mental health problems; in my case it was the job itself making me ill.

I genuinely don't think you will be sanctioned as you will still be meeting the minimum income requirement with your NHS job as a single claimant.

@LilyBunch25sorry you’ve been through a tough time with MH too. But great that you changed job and are happier.

I would feel guilt choosing to go in UC but it wouldn’t be forever. I also know that some people are desperate for WFH jobs and I’m considering just throwing one away! Tbh, I don’t love the hospital-based job but at least I have lovely colleagues and structure there.

OP there is more information about the AET here:

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/universal-credit-and-earnings

Thankyou. One thing I had to learn the hard way this year was that if I had let my health get any worse I would be unable to do any kind of job, so I had to make some tough decisions- it may also be that in time you can increase your hours in your NHS job or enhance your qualifications and earning potential.
You may get some responses that "frown" on reducing your hours and applying for UC- however you need to consider your long term health and remember that only you are living your life, and ultimately find the route that ensures you stay well and still productive in the long run.

This is what UC is for, to give you some support while you look after your health. So no guilt, just focus on you and feeling better. You’ve been dealing with some really hard things and I’m not surprised your’re depleted. Take care x

@Bestfootforward11 thank you for your kind words. Mum is declining and lives 4 hours away so I’m also up and down the motorway a lot and it’s all a bit much. I see people coping with much more though and feel crap that I’m struggling. But I am. I’ll be worried to death about my pension too but hopefully can try to catch up in a few years.

You must be just exhausted. Travelling up and down is so draining and also just the ongoing worry about your parents too. You’re carrying a huge amount in every sense. I know sometimes it can look like other people might be coping better with things but there are likely cracks that they don’t show. I honestly can’t think how anyone could be doing what you are doing and not be depleted. Taking the step to quit the uni job is a smart move that will have positive and lasting impact. Your health has to come first. You deserve the time you need to get well.

@Bestfootforward11thank you for your empathy.

I have thought that if I just throw myself into the uni job and work overtime to catch up and get to a baseline of being on top of things, maybe, just maybe, I can get some motivation back. But it feels like my brain is broken and I sit at the lap top and cannot focus. I’ve tried pomodoro, music for
focus etc. Maybe it is partly panic at being behind and shame. Meanwhile, the house is a tip and im forgetting appointments etc constantly. I need a reset.

Honestly, sometimes doing less for a while is what you need in order to be able to do more. If you leave that job, you take away one source of pressure, and get a little space for looking after yourself. It won’t be a magic fix of course, but it will help. It sounds like you need to rest and it might also be worth exploring things like yoga (can do at at home with online videos), walks outside, reading or whatever you enjoy, just trying to create little pockets of a slower space and calm. See how you feel after a few weeks. It might be worth seeing your GP too to check things like iron levels, vitamin d etc, just to embrace looking after yourself full on. There is truly no shame in taking this time, I think resets are essential- we are not machines and cannot carry endless loads. It might be worth exploring some of those feelings through counselling (if you are in England/wales Google talking therapies in your area). You are doing much more than most, and the way you are feeling is your body and mind’s way of telling you that things need to change. You deserve to be looked after too xxx

@Bestfootforward11 what a lovely, compassionate message. I think
mind is made up and I will resign. The thought of that weight lifting off me is such a pull. I’d love to have time to do yoga, walk etc with the extra time.

I am so glad! Take of yourself and in time things will get better x

All I would say is, before you quit, would it be worth taking a few weeks off? Do you qualify for sick leave?

I have jacked in a job due to total burnout before and it worked out fine, but the job market is really very bad at the moment.
I am wondering if the job is fixable rather then you having to walk away and ending up the poorer for it. It’s hard isn’t it?

I work for a uni too, in admin rather than academic.
I don't know about yours, but unis up and down the country are in dire financial straits, so would almost certainly welcome a flexible working request to reduce hours or even its worth asking if you can take a 6 month or 1 year sabbatical. I know mine would! They also really don't 'care' if you ask because they're large organisations so it's not an unusual thing, so if you ask and they say no, it's absolutely no stain on you career-wise, if that's a concern to you. Mine really welcome flexible work requests for reduced hours because it contributes to savings and means they don't have to make redundancies.

Obviously, explore sick leave & how you feel about that too - different people have really different approaches to that, some people go 'on the sick' almost strategically, others don't take it when they clearly need a break. Do be aware LTS can end up with you being 'managed out' of the position - they prefer to pay you off after a few months than have you being on LTS long term - but that's still financially better than quitting.
Not at uni, but I had to take a month off for mental health a few years ago - I felt absolutely awful about it, it feels so odd being off when you're not physically ill, but I needed it. I had a phased return I struggled with, which made me realise even more how I needed that time. So, really consider that too, as others have said.

I already had 2 weeks off sick when we got mum’s diagnosis so would feel awful taking more time.

In would still have my NHS job if I quit the uni job. I’m not sure what the rules are about going off sick from one job but working the other.

Can you go off long term sick from the uni job but maintain the nhs one for a period of time such as 4 months and review so you aren’t resigning when in a stress situation?

Thank you. Lots of food for thought there. I’m sorry to hear you had a stressful time too.

Maybe. I’m not sure if that would be allowed though.

Is the uni job on the Local Govt Pension Scheme?

No, they let me add it to my NHS pension