How do you keep it in perspective?

[Comvit]

Work isn't everything
There's more to life
Don't sweat it
No-one wishes they'd worked more when they're on their deathbed

I know all of these things to be true. I'm planning very early retirement to get out of the rat race of work.

But in the meantime, how do you keep work in perspective? How do you resist stressing over it? How do you stop yourself attaching too much importance to work?

I have a busy but not particularly important job. I'm well paid. Its pretty autonomous and flexible. But it's expansive and expanding. It's just getting bigger every year with more bureaucracy and nonsense administration- not difficult stuff, just more
I can't change jobs. I say "no" to things. I don't seek new opportunities. I physically go to work as little as possible.

In my spare time I have hobbies. I have a good social life. I have a good relationship. Yet I can't help feeling overwhelmed, tearful, stressed and a bit angry.

I'm not menopausal.

Do you have any similar experiences? Or wisdom?

What has worked for me was to build a rich life outside of work that gives me meaning and fulfillment. I have a great relationship, a strong circle of friends, a home I love, hobbies, strong family ties, etc

That helps me keep work in perspective. And saving for early retirement, so I feel like I have choices

It helps to work out in what way you personally stress over it, what's going on emotionally for you.

You have described your work, but you haven't explained what work means to you, whether you have high or low self-esteem, whether you are intrinsically glass half empty or half full etc etc etc.

If you know what buttons work pushes, you can take personalised steps to stop that happening.

I was a bit like you until my work made mass redundancies. Many of those colleagues had been at the firm decades and they got rid of excellent people to make financial efficiencies. Whilst this a workplace norm it made me realise that work does not love you back! So it’s not worth getting over attached or doing more than you are paid for.

It sounds like you don’t enjoy it.

“I can't change jobs.”

why?

“I say "no" to things. “

how do you feel when you do that?

“I don't seek new opportunities.” Why?

“ I physically go to work as little as possible” you sound miserable.

You can be busy in an unimportant in your eyes role but still enjoy what you do.

this is the problem, you don’t. So how can you change your mindset so you do, or why can’t you move to something else?

without knowing more it’s difficult to make suggestions on those two points in my last paragraph

I could have written this! Recently realised I can retire several years early if I continue working, but I'm still struggling to not let the job get to me!

I’m mid 50s and struggling with this. After having kids diagnosed with ADHD I realise I have the traits of circular thoughts about work which I never has when I was younger as my type of job used to be secure. I was made redundant 1.5 years ago in not the best circumstances and now in a new job (US owned so they are used to hiring and firing at the drop of a hat) where there’s now been a couple of issues with my work so I’m alike agh! I can take some retirement savings now if I need to but obviously don’t want to as I have time on the mortgage to pay and children to get through university and thru hobbies (2 x children still at school). So neurodivergence could be part of it! Unfortunately I’m struggling to have any hobbies due to the demands of the job as work as a consultant and the expectation is you know everything about the field you’re in which is challenging! I guess the answer is to have savings that could last you through if you need to take time off which is a challenge!

I had a fairly senior and stressful role. Made a sideways move around a year ago into a role that’s just as busy but not as likely to cost the company millions if I make a mistake! My mantra at the end of a stressful day is always.. “nobody died”. I’m not a brain surgeon. That helps put it into perspective!

As a PP said I also do lots and f exercise after work.. sport, yoga etc which helps me separate work from my personal life as well as a fantastic group of mates I can rant to over a pint on a Friday evening.

The secret is having a job you adore. Not easy I know I’ve been lucky. I do not want to retire and at 58 I hopefully have 10 plus years still here

Thank you everyone

I don't hugely dislike my job. It's a very fragmented job so you're constantly code-switching which is exhausting. Each fragment of the job is fine but each fragment is expanding with more bureaucracy taking away from the actual core work which isn't so bad.

I don't seek new opportunities in my job because it's just more work on top of what I already have. I have seven years until I can leave work entirely so I'm not looking to climb the ladder.

I have hobbies, I have a rich social life, I have a lovely home life. I exercise, I eat well, I switch off. I just can't escape that constant sense of my work creeping and expanding and just generally making me feel "ugh"

I can't leave because I'm well paid with lots of autonomy. I also have lots of opportunities for earning extra money as part of my job and by dint of my job. I'd never find the same pay and conditions elsewhere.

I only need to survive seven more years before I can give up entirely. But that's still seven years of my life.

Please can you tell me what you do op as I want a well paid but not important job.
I have a public sector nhs job and I'd rather have more £££

I'm an academic.

The sector is in direct straits so academic jobs are few and far between right now, and for the foreseeable.