New job, new manager and TTC

[RobertTheDoggert]

I started a great director-level role in July that I'm really enjoying. The role is well paid and has flexible hours, with 3 days a week in office and the rest from home. Things are going very well and I've just been given the lead on a high-profile program that runs until the end of 2027. My manager, who is also new to the company, has told me, in various ways, that she sees me as a high-potential top performer.

Now here’s the catch: my partner and I want to start trying for a child very soon, in a couple of months. I'm 37 (will turn 38 in Spring) and he is the same age, so we can’t wait much longer. I did some fertility tests earlier this year and the results were very encouraging, but of course you never know until you actually try.

My main worry is potentially going on maternity leave before the program is done and how that will be perceived. I feel terrible about the idea of letting my new manager down after she backed me so enthusiastically. She is a woman with (now grown) children so that hopefully bodes well for her understanding, but you never know.

Has anyone been in a similar position? How did that turn out? Any experiences, especially from people who've managed this in similar roles, would be really helpful.

I think it’s incredibly common to feel a sense of guilt and anxiety around going off on maternity leave for the first time, particularly when you’re in a high profile role. Up to this point, work and building your career has probably been a main focus in life, and the switch to focusing on family/babies can be quite a shift.

But you need to hear this clearly, you are not letting anyone down by building your family, and you should absolutely start trying for a child in a couple of months as planned. Put a plan in place for how you see a good transition for maternity cover, or handing over to current team members, and when you have that meeting to tell your manager about your pregnancy and maternity leave, she will appreciate that you’ve thought this through already and you can work together to ensure a smooth transition both into maternity leave and also back to work after, if that’s the plan.

A manager who identifies you as a high-potential top performer is investing in your career long-term, not just the next 12 months. Since she has grown children, she knows firsthand that a maternity leave is a temporary phase in a long career. Good leaders do not throw away top talent over a temporary leave of absence.

Also, don’t be tempted to offer to do the shortest amount of leave possible. You have no idea now how you’ll feel on maternity leave.

say you’ll be gone for the full 52 weeks. It’s easier to go back early than extend later if you need more time.

Thank you for your comment, it makes me feel better!

As for mat leave, sadly where I live I am only entitled to 5/6 months. However, I will take the full entitlement as you suggested. It is potentially a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, as I don’t know if we will be able to have more than one (I know that even one is not a given of course).

Don’t think twice about it. This is far more important and nobody is indispensable.

It’s only work and they have no real loyalty to you so you have to put yourself and your potential family first. Hopefully it’ll all work out but don’t hang around.

Is that leave entitlement, or pay?

Either way you should plan to take the longest possible. Then any shorter return is seen as a bonus. Family is more important than work, go for it asap.

Pay is 18 weeks, which you can stretch to 5 months with some unused annual leave and similar. From then on, it is unpaid. I am the higher earner of the family so unpaid leave would not be ideal.