Is it burnout?

[HopeHelpCompassionforAll]

Hi, just wanted to get some friendly advice as I'm having difficulty finding straight answers online. I work in a UK independent school and recently switched from 9 hrs a week to full time with one day every other week off. I'm one to one support with a child in main school, have been for the last 3 years nearly, but there have recently been lots of swopping, where I've been told to work in the main sen base which is a lot harder to work with and you have to be on higher alert. I began to adapt after a few days and thought I was fine. Things seemed fairly smooth. Then out of nowhere two days ago at lunch, I started randomly feeling ill, hot and cold feeling through my ears, then wanted to cry. By the time I got to class after lunch, I realised I couldn't actually hold it in and had to rush out to the bathroom so I could cry in peace. When I left the bathroom, I kept wanting to cry and had to bite my cheek all the way until I walked home. All of that time, I was having a tough time regulating. I decided to take a brain check because it genuinely scared me that if pushed past but my body acted on its own so I took yesterday off. Now I'm wondering what exactly happened as normally if I want to cry I'm able to control it. It doesn't happen at work. For context, I've been staying awake for the last few nights, sleeping around midnight to relax on YouTube (not a good idea, but it's an old habit and it makes me feel I haven't wasted my day because I love to relax - only my night 😂. But I'm not afraid of hard work), but it couldn't be that as I've done that in the past for longer periods and not felt this way. And what about next steps? I don't want to go back to work too soon and burst out crying again. Any kind comments or advice would be much appreciated. Thank you so much :)

I dont think its burnout to be honest.

My assumption from what your wrote it is might be a physical illness like a virus

I'd go to bed earlier, get off your phone, get out and touch grass and maybe trees....generally take it easy

I didn’t have burn out, but when I was going to bed thinking about work, waking up in the night thinking about work, and waking in the morning thinking about work, I knew I had to do something. For me dropping a day helped, I also made myself step back and not worry about what I couldn’t control.

That’s how I feel when I’m physically ill. Being weepy is usually my first symptom.

But I would never be able to cope on the sleep you’re getting, especially with such a full on job. You need to reframe what relaxing is, going to bed early and getting a good nights sleep is the best relaxing you can get, and a better use of your brain than YouTube brain rot (which I also love!).

Thanks for your responses :) Sorry, I haven't added enough context. I've been in main school for nearly 3 years. I always found the classroom a stressful environment especially when teacher left the class for moments as I'm an SEN TA. For the last few weeks there have been conversations about switching to a full time TA as the provisions for my SEN child have changed. I felt I put in so much work it felt awful to leave. I really wanted to see him through to the end of primary school. There were a few reasons I couldn't go full time. So I went back and forth, trying to reach an arrangement that worked for everyone and eventually had to settle for full time with a day off every two weeks. It was tough adjusting but once I went full time I felt confident I'd finally reached a place where I was settled and knew how to deal with the children without stressing myself out.

And then the very next day after I'd found this balance, they told me they had some issue and put me in the sen base which is a place I never wanted to work as I never thought it was a healthy work environment. My mood always dipped when I went there. I just felt the main school was a better fit for me. So last Friday, this Monday, I've been there with uncertainty about whether the child I've been teaching for the last 3 years is going to stay at the school or if I'm going to have to stay in SEN. It's a lot of uncertainty, being pushed repeatedly out of my comfort zone. I'm one of those people that can adapt to change but the worry beforehand is the problem. So on Monday I felt like I'd started to adapt. Then the crying out of nowhere began and I just wanted to go home instead of crying at work. It really does feel like the school is thinking only about the child, which is fine. They should, but not at the expense of the teachers' wellbeing.

I've been socially anxious for a long time in unfamiliar situations since Year 9. It was something I've more or less fixed since my family urged me into this job. I can deal with a lot more. What scared me is that the random crying which has never really happened at work before as far as I recall. It really felt like my brain gave up before I did.

Thanks for the kind advice :) To clarify, I'm not sure it is physical as I generally feel fine. I've actually had experience with stress and worry before. I'm the kind of person that tends to worry before the event and overworry over things I can't control. I've been worrying on off about circumstances for the last 2 weeks. I don't feel ill, just weird temperature as I get worried or upset, no other symptoms. Just a constant brain pressure that makes me feel like punching something is the answer. That last day at work, when I had to wait for a response before I could leave for home, I just sat in the class staring blankly not really caring about anything but just doing my job as best as I could without losing my put-on calm. And then I don't want to leave this job, because 1) It feels like I'm letting the child I initially worked with down, 2) Where would I go from here? I've been job hunting for a while and when you have confidence issues or a fear of talking for long periods on the phone (I'm pushing past this one as it takes too many opportunities away), there really aren't many jobs left.

Burnout happens after a very sustained period of over work, I think you have a physical virus OP. Take some sick days?

You're probably right :) I miss my part time days. For me looking forward to that one is the highlight of my week. Now it's every two weeks, which sucks. The only thing is, I lobbied so hard to be able to stay that dropping more hours now, I don't know how work would react. It's an independent school. I feel like in a state school there would be more professionalism and mental wellbeing concern. I wouldn't feel so worried about being sacked or replaced.

I mean to be honest, I've been used to late nights for years 😅 But I did recently start sleeping around 10 to try to fix that. But since I got stressed last few weeks I've stayed up later. It's a self-destructive pattern. When I feel bad, I stay awake and zone out by watching things, and I give myself temporary feel-goods like sugar. It's also a weird thing I've noticed about myself, that the more stressed I get, the more I seem to regress to my childhood state. Like I start laughing at things the way I used to when I was young. There's less control. For me, burying things seems to work until, this time, it hasn't.

It doesn’t sound like burnout to me tbh op. If your tired and not getting enough sleep that will effect your resilience and ability to self regulate. You sound like you feel a bit overwhelmed tbh. I know you said you like to relax with you tube but I think you need something else to help you destress and get some quality sleep. Hope you feel better soon

I'm not so sure it's physical as there are no other symptoms, but yeah, I've definitely taken one day off and just told work I need another day today. I have tomorrow off, thank God, so there's that. Not sure of next steps though.

Thank you, I appreciate that ❤️

As someone who worked in primary schools for over 19 years as TA/supply and placements was something I couldn’t do anymore. It’s very overwhelming and it can start to feel stuck in the box. Your mind and body is telling you that your not comfortable in this work place. SEND is so challenging as it is. If your having to drag yourself to work & feel out of sorts. It means you hate the job but finding it to regulate because your trying to convince yourself you love it. I came out of schools & started working in FE. It’s a game changer, more relaxing & less demanding but high admin load. I am a SEND teacher with 16-19 years old. Try a different area of education. Do not give up. FE colleges always look for support staff. See if this is something you could consider.

That's a good idea. Thank you :) It's just really hard to leave because I'm afraid I won't get another job. But I guess I need to as this isn't a conducive lifestyle for me anymore. Being afraid of being told to leave is actually one of the reasons I didn't tell work how I actually feel. Because they're independent I don't know what they'll do. I mean, I just told them I could do full-time, and I can, in the right environment. I just think if I told the truhh, they might use it against me. The school's proprietor is very good at giving opinions on how things should be done, but doesn't have the classroom experience to back it up, so that's a problem.

It initially sounded like an anxiety attack and whilst burn out is being poo-pooed it sounds like an anxiety crash. Are you part of a union? Can you push back about being moved into the SEN hub despite negotiating a different job plan and upping hours for that pre agreed job plan?

Have you looked at the CBT though pattern sheet? It’s I think 7 columns where you challenge a belief with evidence having written your worst case scenario down and I think it would be supportive for you in relation to your fear of being told to leave.

I am sorry that you’re having such a rough time OP

I'm not actually part of a union. I've only worked since the last 2yrs and 7 months in general so I haven't got a lot of experience. It was only through my family that I actually learnt how to manage a work environment and how to speak and what not to say. I have to be honest, I don't know how to push back! I considered saying I would be okay being a general TA, but that would mean watching whole classes for hours on end with no prior experience and I lack the confidence to do that. At least, at the moment. I've actually never heard of a CBT, but I will definitely have a look in to it. I really appreciate your support 🙏

I have actually thought about leaving this job numerous times when things got hard, but uncertainty about what I'd do next always stopped me, so I just pushed past and adapted.

@HopeHelpCompassionforAll i tried to copy it into my post but it hasn’t come up - happy to DM it to you if you like

Sorry, I know I'm talking a lot, but I really need to get this off my chest. In a recent meeting, one thing I hated is a point they made. Obviously, they have training days. And one thing I've been taught by my family who have been in teaching way longer than I have, is that stick to your hours and don't go overtime unless there's no choice because it isn't worth the stress. Or go overtime only if you're paid for your work, which is fair, right? So last training day, which was an all day seminar on autism, I asked if I could come for only my set hours. This was back when I was part time so I did 2-3 hrs per day. They said it would be beneficial if I did all day. I asked if I would get paid. They said to just come in for my normal hours, not actually responding to my question. I still came earlier and left earlier (same hours I work, just different times) so that I'd get the start of the training instead of coming randomly in the middle, but in this meeting last week, the SENCO said she was actually annoyed that I'd wanted to come in for my actual hours and not go overtime for the whole day a whole 4-5 hours extra (not exactly her words, but basically the gist, and she did say she was quite annoyed by it. She looked annoyed, too). Honestly, she was the one who hadn't replied to my query about being paid for the extra time, nor did she press the point at the time to come in as it was important. So I really found that unfair and another example of prioritising over staff wellbeing.

I would love that, but only if that's okay with you :)

I’ve tried but can’t see a way to attach it so here’s hoping it works on here 🤞🏻

You can always follow up with the Senco via email re the meeting and their annoyance at you not staying for the entire session.

It would have been beneficial for you to stay all day however I do feel they should have offered to pay you unless it is written into your contract that you need to attend x amount of CPD days.

Thanks :) I can see it now. So as it's independent, they don't fully do things professionally, I would say. I recently asked my SENCO how I could get hold of my full time contract and she laughed and said that honestly, nobody there had their contract. We're basically told off the cuff what to do, what's expected of us, our hours, wages (which are according to the TA pay scale so that's fair, to be honest), and our duties. So I wouldn't know what specifically there is about CPD days as this was never communicated.

So for this table, does the school provide it or do I print it out and hand it in? :)

The table is for you to organise your thoughts and concerns to help you move forward with your thinking and decision processes - it’s absolutely not for school and please don’t give it to them

Of course you’re going to feel exhausted if you went from working a few hours a week to FT.
And then if you’ve got DC at home then it’s difficult because you never get to switch off.

I found teaching challenging compared to many of the other people I’d trained with because I was ‘on’ all day and then had to go home and take care of my own DC as a single parent.

As a TA you need to be mentally switched on because you’re in charge of someone else’s child.

I’m assuming you don’t get paid much?
If I was you I would seriously consider taking a few years out of education or getting a job at more admin or something.

If you took a PT job elsewhere, you wouldn’t get the holidays but you’d have a couple of days off during the week to catch up on yourself.

If you need the holidays, then look at different roles in various schools but less directly with the children.

I did not realise how ill working in education was making me until I left.

What are your long term career goals?