Manager who "thinks" all the time.

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I have a new female boss. Whenever you ask her anything the answer is "I think". E.g. I think that's already been done. Or I think you need the blue one.

That's no use to me, I need a proper answer.

I know it's a female trait. We say I think when we're 99% sure, men will give a positive answer when they don't really know. Early in my career a helpful mentor counselled it out of me and I learned to stop. I still only give an answer when I known it's correct, but I don't say "I think" when it's right. If I'm genuinely not sure I say that and find out.

Anyway, I think she's doing herself a disservice and needs to stopand it's annoying but it's not my place to say so?

Just take "I think" as the answer?

I think your new boss just annoys you a bit and you've fixated on this.
I think you'd be completely ridiculous to even consider mentioning it!
I think she would not thank you for it. Indeed, why would she?
I think you'd be shooting yourself in the foot!

It’s equivocal speech. We’re socialised to do it so we seem humble and warm, not over confident or pushy. It can be annoying for sure. If she’s more senior than you it’s unlikely to go down well if you tell her so.

The bigger issue is if it’s unclear, So is that a fact, a decision, or are you uncertain and we need information? I think politely clarifying when it really isn’t clear is fine. Where you know she’s just being fluffy but are clear on what it means, let it go.

I understand OP - it’s learned behaviour that is a disservice to all women.

I used to discuss salary expectations in the interview process and the vast majority of women would squirm and apologise for the amount for which they were asking. They’d often offer to negotiate from the off. Men just stated their rate. I would tell women ‘just ask - say your rate. If it’s higher than we have in the budget, then we’ll discuss with you if it comes to an offer. Never apologise for your experience or expertise’. Same goes for your boss, ‘apologising’ for her opinion.

Not your place. You can do it your way when you have her job.

That might be part of what winds me up. I'm semi retired and have stepped down to a part time role. I have done her job (in a differnet organisation). I don't want it now and would genuinely like to see her succeed in it, but this makes her appear unsure when she's actually doing a pretty good job.

It's also hard to watch the impact it has on less experienced staff who are looking to her to lead.

If your manager asks you for feedback, it would be fine to mention it (I nearly typed 'I think it would be fine ...' 😆)

I wouldn't raise it out of the blue.

I suspect the I think also gives her time to think

like, most people have a verbal tick to buy their brain some time

Yes, I had a male colleague who never heard first time if you asked him anything tricky 😆

You're wrong abou how 'I think' works. It is much more nuanced than that.

There's a big difference between "I think there's a spare one in the stationery cupboard" and "I think you are an idiot". One means you aren't sure so check and see, the other one is a definite statement of fact.

Just be direct: 'Is that a yes or a no?' She'll hopefully catch on.

Sometimes it's actually opening the door for a discussion. If I suggested something and my boss said 'i think that's been done before,' i would ask when and what the context was and i thought we should still do it. I'd say that things change, people change, context moves on and this time we could do x y z to mitigate or make it more likely to work. I'd see it as an invitation to press my point.

On the other hand if i asked ' Do I do a or b and she said 'I think a' then it would be annoying but you just say 'ok well you're the boss so that's what I'll do' to make it clear it's her decision and not to come back on you.

She’s new to the job so it’s possible she’s still not 100% sure on everything. (Maybe she genuinely thinks it’s the blue one here but at her last job it was the green one?) I’d give her a few months grace tbh rather than jumping down the poor woman’s throat.

There’s also nothing wrong with using this kind of language unless it’s truly unclear (and it doesn’t sound like you are genuinely confused by it? I may have misconstrued). Being negative about the way many women have been socialised to speak is a sign of a misogynistic culture in itself. If you were counselled about this early in your career and are now semi retired I’m assuming this may have been 30 or so years ago, and there wasn’t as much introspection then from “mentors” about whether the advice they were giving was sexist as there is now. Have a read of the excellent Verbal Hygiene by Deborah Cameron which was published about 30 years ago and critiques some of this stuff (not just about sexism).

Having said all that, if you think (!) she is genuinely confusing people I’d give it a couple of weeks and have a quiet word about a specific instance. But I suspect by then everyone will have got used to the fact that “I think” means “I know” for her.

I agree. If I say 'I think' then it means 'I've considered, and this is my conclusion'.

I hate this received wisdom that women need to speak more like men in order to succeed in the workplace. I think there are good reasons why women are generally thought to be better communicators than men, and have higher emotional intelligence, and one of those reasons is that women instinctively know that adding modifiers like this helps to bring people on board, allows them space to ask questions and not be steamrolled by the unalloyed confidence of the Office Man. When women ask “Does that make sense?” after they explain something, it’s not because they’re unsure of themselves - it’s to give an opening for people to ask questions if they haven’t understood, without seeming to lose face.

So maybe it’s men who need to sit down and take a few notes, frankly. They could learn a lot from how women communicate.

Cross-posted with @WitcheryDivine, but exactly that!

It's more that I will be relating the information to someone else and I want to feel confident that what I'm telling them is correct.

OP, you need to read some Deborah Cameron or Deborah Tannen 😉

The advice that people shouldn't use equivocal language/hedging in the workplace is very old fashioned. Quite a lot of work has been done on this and whether it's a female trait- a lot of evidence that we perceive it as a female trait because we notice it more with women, but actually it's more down to individual communication style. It's also not always a bad thing- confidently stating things which are uncertain as if they are facts is not good leadership. ("Men will give a positive answer when they don't really know"- this is not something to emulate!)

So no, I don't think you should tell your boss that this is a female trait that she needs to stop 😂 I do think it would be reasonable to ask her to clarify on occasions if you're genuinely unsure whether she's deliberately conveying uncertainty, and if she wants you to verify.

In that case I’d say something like “Thanks, could you drop me an email to confirm for sure whether it’s been done? Then I can let X know about the next steps.”

That should either give her time to think/check, or confirm on the spot if she is in fact sure.