This is just a brain dump. I needed to get this out, and no I don't feel any better.
So, our GM is resigning - leaves soon.
We are a small branch of a bigger company - head office in EU.
No clear plans in place to replace them.
The commercial manager has declined the position.
I am the next manager, but I do not have the quals or experience (degree, team lead experience in the public sector, but no MBA like the others). Though I don't manage people exactly, its more a facilities management type role, with also doing ALL the quotations, and admin for another manager who is IT illiterate (and gets paid twice as much as me, but that's another rant).
I have now been summoned to the head office to discuss the plan going forward, who will be doing what etc. We also have to move out of 2 buildings in December, and given that our engineers are being deployed to various projects it is looking like its going to be to a small rental - or even one of those serviced ones.
I have had like a permanent headache over this for the last 3 weeks. Last night it was so bad as I then got anxiety over having to travel to the HO alone - its not hard, its a 90 min flight then like 2 hours and a change on a train.
I have a mild auditory processing issue, so I struggle with accents and I admit I did rely on the others last time to clarify things for me. I have not told the HO or HR this as its never been much of an issue as I could just use email for most of my work (also like to get a paper trail).
The GM that is leaving has told me that I need to propose to the HO that I can do a particular role (the one I do majority of now), with assistance from them (I hate that as it can take DAYS, not hours to get an answer from the EU team), and have someone to do the BD part of the job as I have 0 industry knowledge really.
He said I also need to ask for double my salary!
I don't have the balls for that. I did it once 11yrs ago when I went for an interview for a job I didn't want. They said name a price, I did and they agreed - So I took the job as it was a big increase.
I just feel that I am a huge faker. Even though the culture of this company is very much putting people into roles because of WHO not what they know (lots of sons/nieces/nephews in the HO). I don't know if my perimenopausal brain can handle it - as the complete disorganization and uncertainty right now are causing me so much stress.