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Original poster

How do you handle work travel & kids?

19 replies

HelloWorld57 · 21/09/2026 16:23

I am travelling for work next week and it always seems to cause a fall out at home when I do. DH complains about me being away and how unmanageable things are when I am. I am pretty sure it should not be this hard but don't know where we are going wrong!

I typically go away max. 3 nights at a time and only about 3 times a year. DH works locally, both kids at school til 6pm.

I work from home so usually do all drop offs and picks ups. So I understand it's a bit inconvenient DH having to manage alone but he can still get to work on time and finish at normal time as home/work/school are very close to each other.

The kids can play up a bit when I am not there so getting them ready in the morning and for bed is a bit painful (also is when I am there tbh). But it is just 10ish days a year, I think we have it pretty easy.

I have tried to give him tips, e.g. getting things ready the night before, aiming to have them ready 15 mins before actually needing to leave so it doesn't end up being a big stress, I iron and lay out kids uniform in advance. I don't know what else I can do.

I also just feel a bit shitty as I manage all this all of the time (and more... especially with limited childcare during school holidays) and it is taken for granted. He thinks it is easier for me as my job is more flexible. It is, but I still need to plan and juggle it all, it doesn't happen magically.

Any tips welcome, but good to vent my frustration either way!

OP posts:

Fhipiddf · 21/09/2026 16:26

I would not have any patience for this and would be telling him so. It’s not that hard especially only a handful of times a year.
When I go away I remind DH to check the calendar each day with what they need for school and other than that I expect him to figure it out despite me doing most of it similarly to you when I’m at home

Onelifeonly22 · 21/09/2026 16:26

If your husband can still get to and from work on time, I’d suggest he does at least one drop off and pick-up every week so it is less of a change for both him and the kids when you go away.

11plusherewego · 21/09/2026 16:31

Let me guess, he hardly contributes to the running of the household when you are home?

Seriously this guy needs to learn how to parent his children. It should not be up to you to make his life easier for the few days a year you are not there.

Telecone · 21/09/2026 16:33

You shouldn't be feeling shitty. He's the problem here.

MickyMoonshine · 21/09/2026 16:35

He needs to get a grip and parent his own children.
Both me and DH work away a few times a year and we can be away for a week to 10 days. Yeah it’s a bit more hectic but nothing s bit of planning can’t sort.

ShrinkyDinkyPetal · 21/09/2026 16:37

This is his problem. He needs to more the rest of the time so its not a shock.

We've just done back to back work trips away, both try and be helpful before we go for the things we normally handle. So I made sure the washing basket is empty so theres a week of uniforms, he's put a couple of meals in the freezer.

We both verbally run through the week before we go, then lower standards a bit and enjoy the bed to ourselves.

fiveyo · 21/09/2026 16:49

My 'tip' would be not to pander to it.

"I know it's a lot of work to do X, Y and Z but I manage it so I am sure you can"

Do not engage further.

AdeleRochester · 21/09/2026 16:53

When my DC were young there wasn’t anything to “handle” because my DH is a proper adult.

Isnt he embarrassed to be so useless?

2BarbieOrNot2Barbie · 21/09/2026 16:56

I travel a fair bit for work, sometimes a week at a time. We only have 1 child but DH just cracks on. I don’t have to tell him how to parent our child or how to feed the family. He is just a capable adult who is a parent. I also usually do all pick ups and drop offs and he never makes me feel guilty about going away ( though he was a bit fed up when I went away in successive weeks as it is a lot). But he really is great about it. As he should be.

ErrolTheDragon · 21/09/2026 16:58

I managed by DH being a grownup who was capable of working out what to do. No one gave you a manual for dealing with kids and housework, did they?

Triffid1 · 21/09/2026 16:58

Oh for pity's sake.

I started a new job a while ago which meant I was out of the house early, and DH was left to handle the mornings. Sure, the first time or two was a bit manic and crazy. And then... wait for it... he figured out that he needed to get up earlier so he could get it all done. And then things go easier.

I have sympathy for anyone who is left to do it all alone while a partner travels for work. And I absolutely don't think that the person travelling for work gets to just opt out - it's a lot for the other person because let's assume things are actually split 50/50, that's still 50% more that has to happen for that person. But you're not. You're doing a lot of the pre work planning and preparation.

He must get over it.

Does he routinely whinge when he's expected to be a self sufficient adult and father?

HardStopAt4 · 21/09/2026 17:08

Onelifeonly22 · 21/09/2026 16:26

If your husband can still get to and from work on time, I’d suggest he does at least one drop off and pick-up every week so it is less of a change for both him and the kids when you go away.

This. OP if your husband is finding it that unmanageable then the only solution is that he needs more practice!

SummerInSun · 21/09/2026 17:23

Good grief. Tell your husband that he is a competent adult and ought to be able to cope with his own children for three nights!!! My DH certainly can and does. Doesn’t mean he and the kids don’t miss me and wouldn’t prefer if I was at home, but DH wouldn’t ever play the “I’m incompetent” card to stop me doing things I need to do for my job.

I do try to make sure that all the laundry that will be needed is clean and I might make double of some meals the week before so for one or two nights DH and the DC can just reheat rather than cooking from scratch.

Original poster

HelloWorld57 · 21/09/2026 18:19

Thanks all, I was wondering if I was missing something and expecting too much.

I must add that he is actually a very competent father the rest of the time, and we do share things mostly equally, kids have a great bond with him etc. The only explanation I can find is that he finds his work so demanding that he absolutely cannot cope with additional demands/doing anything not usually in his lane.

But then the problem is his communication. If he said "gosh I don't know how you manage to stay on top of all of this stuff, it's a struggle when I have to do it alone", then I'd have some empathy and feel validated at least.

Instead he implies that of course it is easy for me as my job isn't as demanding and is pretty moody before/during/after. He keeps asking why I have to go so long, why do I have to leave so early, etc etc, as if he is cross with me for it. It is literally my job!

I mark everything on the calendar for him btw, and on one of the days next week DC1 has to bring something in (which I have already prepared) and he just said "nope, I am absolutely not doing that, I cannot do anything beyond the basics". Hard work!

I must add that DCs have their tea at wraparound care so he does not need to cook for them. Yes, they will pester him some snacks, as they do with me every single day while I try to finish my work!

OP posts:

Bitzee · 21/09/2026 18:25

If he can still make it to/from work around pick up and drop off times you need to find an early meeting once a week and an evening hobby so he gets used to it and stops this ridiculous drama.
Also, it’s preposterously pathetic from him. Especially the fact that he’s cross at you for it. How have you not got the ick?

Photobot · 22/09/2026 07:14

He's being ridiculous. I'm not away so much these days (although I was last week) but have never prepped anything. Now the kids have slightly more complicated schedules we'd probably do a brief run through of that the weekend before but it's totally up to him to manage.

The whining comes across as quite controlling to me, like he's trying to needle you into not going. I'd tell him that. It's not your job to apply tips. It's his job to stop it.

Smallpoxy · 22/09/2026 07:21

Your DH is pathetic.

Mt563 · 22/09/2026 07:26

He needs to do more of this in a regular basis so it's not new and additional to him. Yes, solo parenting is harder but it shouldn't really be a big deal for a few days, especially in the circumstances you describe.

AliasGrape · 22/09/2026 07:35

I’m away 1-3 nights maybe 6 times a year. Though there’s a 5 night one coming up next year.

I work from home the rest of the time and do have more flexibility than DH (though I maintain DH has more than he’s prepared to admit to/ make use of, he does quite like to give the impression that the sky would fall in without him there).

My stance is very much ‘yes I have more flexibility at other times which enables me to do more of the day to day stuff, the trade off to that is that sometimes I’m away and therefore you have to manage it’.

He was never moody or grumpy about it, but he was possibly a little more useless at first expecting everything laid out and spelled out for him. I have to hold my hands up that the control freak in me was partly responsible there as I’d do detailed lists and meal plans etc maybe because I was feeling a bit anxious about being away. The more I’ve done it the more I’ve just left them to it now though, they manage just fine. I absolutely wouldn’t put up with him saying no to taking in something the DC needs for school - that’s trying to punish you via punishing the kids and it’s not acceptable. My answer would just be don’t be ridiculous!

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