Sensitive by comment before interview?

[user1471867483]

I went for a job interview yesterday. I'm 55 and have been out of work 10 months after losing my job November. I've been quite unlucky landing a job since. Anyway, I have lost some confidence since being out of work and feel almost vulnerable. This woman came to collect me to take me to the interview panel (she wasn't on the panel, but I'd end up working with her if successful). Then she said very abruptly, "STOP LOOKING PANICKED"! I didn't know I was looking as such. Yes, I was a little nervous as to be expected and I just replied, "Well, you know these interviews". No one has ever said that to me before an interview before and I thought it was unprofessional. What are your thoughts?

I’m sorry to hear this. I guess it depends how she said it. If it was in a shouty way I’d agree. If she was being jovial I think it would be nice and encourage you to smile.
It may be worth checking out some techniques to calm yourself down before and during an interview. There are lots on YouTube.

I was all smiles, so I don't know. I didn't feel terrified and I was just sitting there waiting. Gosh, I don't fancy working with her 😮. Her face was dead pan too.

She was trying to put you at ease.
all smiles does not mean you don’t look panicked, your body language and eyes were what she was reading.
id work with her, honest and supportive.

It depends on her tone. Deadpan and saying it loudly doesn’t sound great tbh, quite brusque. Totally different to saying it gently and with a smile. Give her the benefit of the doubt, she might have thought she was jollying you along and it didn’t come out quite right. Good luck with the interview outcome.

I think she was just trying to make you relax (which was probably good advice going into the interview) and was trying to tell you not to be scared. For her to say it you probably were coming across as nervous and whilst it might not feel like it and make you self conscious, it probably is good for you to have been made aware of this so that you have the opportunity to address it/ try relax.

She was possibly trying to help, who knows. Smiling can be a sign of terror and also anger. Beware of anyone who smiles all the time.

Not professional from her at all. There are kinder and subtler ways to put an interviewee at ease.

I think she was trying to put you at your ease. She wasn’t to know you are really sensitive

Whenever I arrived for an interview I would strike up a conversation with anyone. I found that just talking helped to calm the nerves and increase confidence. Equally when interviewing I always collected candidates if possible so that I could talk to them en route. I imagine this woman was trying to put you at ease so I wouldn't read anything else in to it.

She just sounds inexperienced. Good luck with your search / interview and remember to agenonymise your CV when hunting.

Gosh, Id be taken back too. Guess people skills aren't her forte. Hopefully she's good at her job, and a nice person underneath.

At least you know what she's like before you turn up for the first day, if you get the job. Time to pull up those big girl pants, and think of her in your head as Jonesy, the butcher ("Don't panic, Captain Mainwaring, don't panic!")

Good luck with the job hunt!

It was an antagonistic and unfriendly thing to say. She could have instead said something to put you at ease. She probably doesn't have good social skills

How on earth is it friendly or putting someone at their ease to basically accuse them of an emotion with negative connotations?!?! She actually sounds like she thinks she’s one of those empaths who project everything onto everyone. They’re exhausting to work with so if you don’t get the job you’ve probably dodged a bullet.

She was just being nice. Try not to see everything as persecution. I know it’s a hard when you feel vulnerable.

She was either trying to be nice and failed or else it was a test to see how you would react.

Op with you saying youve lost confidence and feel vulnerable, is it at all possible youve taken the comment in the wrong way?

Ive said similar to candidates. The words in isolation will sound like a harsh instruction. The tone of my voice is saying "you dont need to be nervous, youve got this".

Although admittedly I am smiling too, not deadpan but again, was she definitely deadpan/hostile?

Good luck with your job hunt, you'll find something!