Is this normal team management or are my staff oversharing?

[Girls62]

Can’t decide whether I’m being insensitive or this is reasonable - I have stated to manage a different team at work. In total there are around 13 staff.
I’ve been in this position for around 9 months and the more the weeks go on the more the staff I am managing over share their personal lives.

i am constantly getting phone calls about nothing really, just updates about peoples days which im finding quite difficult as i can’t work when im on the phone (my actual role other than managing is very busy).
but its the sharing that’s the absolute nail in the coffin, other staff will now ring me to ask have i rang so and so in the team as they need to discuss something with you.
so far this week I’ve been told about someone’s partner cheating, personal intimate health details, someone can’t afford their rent (we are well paid) so this isn’t a salary issue.
am I being unreasonable for feeling like I’m being trauma dumped on? Or is this what managing some teams is like?

I am dreading going into work 😭

I don’t think any of the three things you mentioned are particularly odd things to share with a LM. Of course, it’s not your role to solve anyone’s money management skills or health issues or relationship problems. But these are the kind of issues that impact people at work so it’s not that unusual to share.

Not that it’s unreasonable for you to find this exhausting sometimes. I would signpost them to other places for support so you don’t feel overwhelmed by the load.

Have you an employee assistance program? Just point them in that direction once you've feigned sufficient interest so that they don't think you are a cow (unless that's what you want)

13 direct reports is a lot. Do you have any leeway to create a deputy role under you and delegate some line management ?

That sounds like normal for a line manager. Although 13 direct reports is a lot. How often do you have 1:1s with each of them? I’ve found getting the frequency of those right with individuals helps a lot as then it’s more predictable when you’ll be talking to them (emergencies aside) and makes it easier to organise your time.

I have some people on weekly, some fortnightly, some every three weeks. Depending on job role, working hours and whether someone is in probation or needs extra supports

point them to the EAP

I think this is something that is more common in the workplace. I am unsure if it is a generational thing or just an extension of how people have been encouraged to be more open about their struggles but it does seem to take up a lot of management and HR time. I agree OP, your role is not just to be a therapist and life coach to fix your team’s personal issues. All you need to know if a particular situation is impacting that person’s ability to carry out their work, and put things in place to support them to carry out their role. Otherwise I suggest team information meeting with HR on employee support and assistance programs that are available to them. Then perhaps a reset of how your team come to you with problems and that they should do so directly rather than through others.

It is a lot as I manage the service too so my job is very very busy.
I do 1-1’s every 6 weeks as per company policy and we have a monthly team meeting (this is teams which the staff don’t love and I think this is causing a few issues too) the geographical area is quite big so I’m conscious of adding in a face to face which means a 4 hours return journey for a lot of the team.

the jobs it’s self does require staff to call me with updates but I have tried to implement teams channels for this but staff still call.

Assuming that there is one, of course.

How often do they need to update? Could you start a daily (twice weekly, weekly as appropriate?) stand up meeting at the start of the day to act as a briefing point and where updates can be shared?

Doesn’t have to be face to face, Teams would be fine for this.

I’ve found this pre-empts a lot of the ad hoc contact as staff know they can pass on their update and get support at this meeting, so it’s really only genuine emergencies that mean ad hoc calls
now.

1:1s every 6 weeks would be considered appalling in my industry. Every 2 weeks is considered good practice. It’s hardly surprising your directs are calling you if it’s 6 weeks between 1:1s.

With technology it is easier to share things, some people don't seem to have boundaries.

Those 3 examples are people rightly telling you about something that effects their health and wellbeing and possibly work. As a Manager, you should be offering support. Does your company have resources/info such as an EAP for counselling/financial advice? Does the one with health problems need a temp adjustment or just a bit of flexibility around medical appointments? Does the one dealing with an affair need signposting for support?

Managing people is a lot more than just doling out work. I'm surprised you are surprised by the conversations. Does your organisation offer any management training you could go on?

A 6 weekly 1-2-1 isn't very often.

I think this is dependant on the industry.
due to the role I am very much in contact with all staff on a daily basis but I feel it’s getting more and more.
some staff will ring me 5 times in a row continuously, who I don’t feel is appropriate unless their an emergency

What are they asking for if they’re ringing you five times in a row? Something is off with this - maybe they’re not confident in what they’re responsible for so feel they need approval? You’re not following up on things so they feel they need to keep telling you?

Are there patterns to what they’re getting in touch about?

I 'live it' most days. People tell me everything that is going on - a lot of the time it isn't even about them! This employment specifically; they do over share more than most. Two of the ladies I work with have a hatred for their Husbands; sometimes it's a bit competitive! One has made plans on her life when he's passed away - I've had to learn to respond very strategically to a lot of things!

Having said that, they are a good team. 😁

People are being encouraged to bring their authentic self into work, and to expect their employers to care for their wellbeing as a whole, not just while at work.

This is the result unfortunately.

You need to politely cut the conversation short by asking how you can support them in work.

Follow up with a note to confirm the chat.

Repeat as required.