Anyone else feeling torn between career fulfilment and part-time flexibility?

[2kidswelshmum]

Hi all ☺️ first post on here (am new to mumsnet but found it offers great advice).

Bit of a long and convoluted one…Looking for some views/insights I guess on having a career with children. I’m at a bit of a confusing crossroad and I don’t know what to do, if anything.

For context, I have a 7 year old and a 5 year old. I’m 36 years old.

I work three days a week in an office role, wfh mostly. It’s great for flexibility and I don’t take that for granted. My husband is senior at work, and I’m very grateful his position means we can afford for me to work part time/do school pick ups without issue etc. My employer is a good one, with good benefits and the pay is good for a part time role. I’m acutely aware I have a good thing going on paper.

But despite all the pros of my set up, I feel restless, numb and unfulfilled at work. I’ve done the same role or thereabouts for 10 years. I just plod along, doing the best I can but not really learning anything new. I was academic at school and a hard worker/perfectionist. But I’ve found I’ve not really pursued much of a career since children- this was intentional so that we had the flexibility for my husband to pursue his as his earning potential in his industry was much higher than mine. I was happy with that choice, and I’m aware I’m lucky.

But the cognitive dissonance I feel at work is quite high. I want the flexibility of part time hours, but I struggle seeing others around me promoted (no children, easy for them to be “present” in the office all the time) and me feeling stuck between wanting the flexibility and wanting to know if I’m capable of more.

I know I can’t have my cake and eat it too, so I don’t really know what I’m asking. I just want to know if I’m alone in feeling this real confusing contradictory mix of feelings.

I’m also very creative and used to sell my art via social media until I found the platforms too performative and full of reels/like a full time job to manage. I can’t imagine that helps.

Any insight or shared feelings welcome because I feel like I can’t make decisions/am ungrateful for my position/should suck it up and shut up.

With stability and flexibility behind you with the job you have, could you consider other routes to fulfilment and increasing your capability? What about studying for a professional qualification, or something you’re interested in, or looking at NED / Trustee roles on the side?

I used to be ambitious and thought I’d continue to pursue higher career echelons; I’m now 40 and, all going to plan, see the next ten years as really just keeping steady in a job which isn’t very challenging but can also just be there in the background, with the aim of retiring at 50 and then using that as a springboard into things like NED, consultancy, charitable work etc which I’ll gain fulfilment from. When I began my first NED role a couple of years ago, I found that it challenged me in different ways that simply taking a more senior working role: it uses your skills and experience but in a different capacity and around a table with often some incredibly brilliant people with ways of thinking which help shape and advance your own.

Sorry no useful insight but I am an almost the exact same situation. I could do more at work and Id like to take on more but its not recognised as people see me as ‘just’ part time. Ive looked for other roles but nothing pays more for pt hrs so I decided to stay put and value the extra time I have with the kids more. Ive missed out on promotions and progression and I really miss the full time salary but at the same time I watch full time mums around me at work bending over backwards to do everything, staying late, missing bedtimes and making so many sacrifices.
Obviously not all workplaces are like this and other peoples home lives may be more flexible. But Ive got used to focusing on this phase in life when the kids are still dependent on me where Id rather be at home more than at work.

I think the right answer here is to plan ahead for a change. What I mean is that the flexibility is really valuable to you right now as your children are young, but it's clear that you'll need more of a challenge in the future. So, no hurry right now, but you can start thinking ahead to what that might look like. What role / organisation might work well for you, and what can you do to start preparing for when you're ready to make the leap?

I think it’s a really common dilemma for women particularly. The flexibility and having a job where you don’t need to think too much because you’ve done it for so long are invaluable with small children but also quite limiting.

I took a step back when I had my kids and spent a few years in a role I could do with my eyes shut. When they were 6 and 8 I took a slightly more demanding role to work back to where I had been, but still with the flexibility I needed. I’m now looking to return full time to a more senior role.

I think it depends on your career path. I work in a sector where flexibility on both sides is pretty normal so have carved out a pathway that works for me. In your shoes I’d start thinking about what progression in your line of work looks like. Would it need to be full time, would compressed hours be possible to give you a day/afternoon free. Is there training you could do (which helps with feeling you’re learning) that would set you up for your next move when you’re ready? I did a Masters while working very part time which has helped me progress now.

Whats your childcare support like, could you do more hours working or studying and how much does your DH have to do with school run etc because he’d need to step up to support you, and should be willing to do that. Would increased salary allow you to buy in help at home - cleaning or meal planning. In the longer term what’s your earning capacity in your sector - it may not match your DH but the associated benefits of working in terms of fulfilment, pension etc shouldn’t be undervalued.

You could really set yourself up to fly once the kids are more independent, if you’re not quite there yet. It’s not selfish to want more.

Thank you for replying, appreciate your insight and views 🙏 I’ve considered totally switching careers and retraining…but fear I suppose holds me back.

I have a degree from a good university in psychology, and I’ve been curious about exploring counselling qualifications but I worry I would ruminate on other people’s problems etc. My current role I don’t see as having enough experience to consider NED roles? I’m only mid level in communications but was a comms officer for years before that just robotically doing what needed to be done and I worry it’s eroded my ability…I suppose years of being part time at this level has weakened my self esteem..

I could have written this myself - I feel exactly the same way. It’s a confusing place to be at times isn’t it! Thanks for sharing your pov though, it helps normalise my own feelings 🙏❤️

Thank you for taking the time to reply, I really appreciate it 🙏 doing the role with my eyes closed rings true. I had a small promotion recently which really helped, but since then I feel back at square one almost.

I don’t really know if this is the line of work I want to stay in, I just sort of fell into it not long after finishing my degree. So I’m a bit lost. The current landscape with AI rapid developments has me confused and cautious about retraining in a new field, because I just don’t know the impact AI will have! I currently work in communications for context, which also feels like AI could eventually heavily automate.

My childcare support is very good, but I don’t want to put more pressure on family as they have a lot on, and my husband is wonderful.

Studying could definitely be an option, I just don’t know what in 🫣🤭